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AIBU?

These women don’t have the right to complain

140 replies

Cheeseplants · 06/10/2022 21:54

That their baby’s father is a deadbeat, when they told them from the start they didn’t want a child with them.

Like what did they expect?
I’m all for women having the right to choose, but when you choose to give birth to a child that’s dad does not want him/her… are you justified in complaining about that man when the child is born and isn’t playing daddy?

YABU- yes they have the right to complain
YANBU- no they shouldn’t complain

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

705 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
50%
You are NOT being unreasonable
50%
Keyansier · 06/10/2022 21:56

Everyone has the right to complain.

Whether they're right in their complaints regarding this specific scenario is different.

Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit · 06/10/2022 21:56

If men don’t want a child that much, they should refrain from having sex.

Your opinion is actually quite offensive, as if it were the woman’s fault for choosing not to terminate.

FrankTheThunderbird · 06/10/2022 21:57

Unless the women got themselves pregnant then the man is equally responsible. He chose to have sex. A baby is a possible consequence of that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2022 21:57

Were the men using condoms?

L1ttledrummergirl · 06/10/2022 21:59

If he didn't want dc, he shouldn't have had sex. It's the only way for a man to guarantee he won't get someone pregnant.

If he wants to have sex then he should be aware that even with contraception there is a chance his partner could get pregnant.

His choice ends there. Anything to do with the woman's body because her choice. He has no say.

If the pregnancy becomes a baby he needs to be responsible for that child.

It's really not that hard to understand.

Wailywailywaily · 06/10/2022 21:59

What did the men do to prevent themselves becoming fathers?
If a man has unprotected sex then yes he should accept and be responsible for the consequences.

Keyansier · 06/10/2022 22:00

FrankTheThunderbird · 06/10/2022 21:57

Unless the women got themselves pregnant then the man is equally responsible. He chose to have sex. A baby is a possible consequence of that.

Responsible for having sex resulting in a child, yes, but clearly not a responsible person when being upfront in saying "Yes I will have sex with you but if it results in a child then I am not remotely interested in raising said child with you".

JulesCobb · 06/10/2022 22:01

I dont know who you are talking about, but why cant hey not complain about deadbeat fathers? How hard is it to wear a condom?

SpinningFloppa · 06/10/2022 22:02

I see what you are saying if the man is honest and says he will not be involved from the beginning and the woman chooses to continue then yes she is accepting that she will be going it alone, can’t force someone to parent.

PinkButtercups · 06/10/2022 22:03

Hmm, are you a man by any chance?

Also it takes two so wrap it up sweetie if you don't want kids or get the fucking snip. End of.

CuriousCatfish · 06/10/2022 22:03

Then the poor men shouldn't have sex then should they. Just blame the woman, as ever.

Cheeseplants · 06/10/2022 22:06

I’m not saying that these men shouldn’t step up and take responsibility. That would of course be in the best interest of the child.

But I don’t understand why women in these circumstances then complain if he doesn’t. It’s almost like he gave you a warning. Is it because they were hoping he would change is mind?

OP posts:
Cheeseplants · 06/10/2022 22:07

SpinningFloppa · 06/10/2022 22:02

I see what you are saying if the man is honest and says he will not be involved from the beginning and the woman chooses to continue then yes she is accepting that she will be going it alone, can’t force someone to parent.

This is exactly what I mean

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 06/10/2022 22:10

People like to complain about all sorts of things. Almost all the things people complain about are things they don’t need to complain about. Is it unreasonable to complain about being fat when you eat too much? Yeah, but people still do. Should you complain about being tired when you’ve got a job and four kids? Probably not but I still do! If you like the person you cluck sympathetically and say ‘I know babe it’s terrible.’ If you don’t like them you avoid them.

Keyansier · 06/10/2022 22:10

CuriousCatfish · 06/10/2022 22:03

Then the poor men shouldn't have sex then should they. Just blame the woman, as ever.

"I have HIV. I want to have unprotected sex with you".

"Okay, let's do it."

---

"I'm not interested in being a father. I want to have unprotected sex with you".

"Okay, let's do it".

Difference?

Merryoldgoat · 06/10/2022 22:11

Both tbh.

I think that everyone who has sex has to accept pregnancy is a risk and a mature decision needs to be made before entering into a sexual relationship.

However I think women do ignore the true things men say in favour of what they want to believe to their detriment.

I think that if you choose to have a child with someone who doesn’t want one then you’re daft to expect support but it should be given.

I saw so much chaos growing up that I’m of the belief that if you aren’t willing to do ALL the parenting if needed then you shouldn’t have children.

GeorgeorRuth · 06/10/2022 22:14

Both males and females need to take responsibility for life decisions. If they continue having made a decision don't complain or blame others if its not as you anticipated. That applies to having sex when you don't want DC, having sex with a woman who may want DC or having sex with a man who doesn't. Having DC with a unsuitable partner. ( there are usually a parade worth of red flags, barring MH/ illness people don't change personalities, male or female)
Contraception is widely available in this country.

AuntSalli · 06/10/2022 22:14

I do know of several women who went ahead and had children with people who it was blatantly obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes he would be an appalling husband and father but they basically wanted the child more. The child equally was just like its father and absolute bloody nightmare to raise.
happens more than you might think.
those involved can complain as much as they like and the rest of us will listen nod and smile.

Cheeseplants · 06/10/2022 22:17

I shouldn’t have said ‘right’ to complain. That wasn’t accurate because everyone has a right to complain, but I struggle to feel sympathy for the women that do this.

OP posts:
Facecream · 06/10/2022 22:20

Well @Cheeseplants thats nice.
Of all the issues in the world to be concerned about you decide that women having children with deadbeat fathers is a serious worry about the women involved and they deserve no sympathy.
Wheres your concern about the fucking useless specimens of penis havens who don’t give a shit about their impact on other people..?

AuntSalli · 06/10/2022 22:20

You can feel sympathy for anybody no matter how self-inflicted their circumstances are. I know somebody who did something absolutely ridiculous and ruined their life completely. The circumstances that led up to it though were absolutely tragic and you couldn’t help but feel sympathy for them.

SpinningFloppa · 06/10/2022 22:22

Just to say I don’t agree when men walk away from their children after being in the child’s life but if it’s said before pregnancy and the woman is fully aware then she decides to continue I’m not sure she can be mad that they suddenly Haven’t stepped up. I do think a lot of woman continue believing the man will change his mind, there’s been quite a few threads recently from women who have got pregnant very quickly and then surprised the man doesn’t want to be involved.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 06/10/2022 22:22

Oh no these poor men making women pregnant without their permission if only there was something to stop this happening ….

Anyone can complain about their circumstances and their deadbeat baby daddies, are they meant to compliment them for the luxury of using their sperm and be grateful that they was left with the choice of baby or abortion?

They both made a bad choice and can both complain.

What’s the point in judging people?

Userg1234 · 06/10/2022 22:25

Christ the daily mail must be struggling today.2nd post I've called bull shit on

C8H10N4O2 · 06/10/2022 22:28

Userg1234 · 06/10/2022 22:25

Christ the daily mail must be struggling today.2nd post I've called bull shit on

Friday night comes earlier every week.

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