These women don’t have the right to complain

[Cheeseplants]

That their baby’s father is a deadbeat, when they told them from the start they didn’t want a child with them.

Like what did they expect?
I’m all for women having the right to choose, but when you choose to give birth to a child that’s dad does not want him/her… are you justified in complaining about that man when the child is born and isn’t playing daddy?

YABU- yes they have the right to complain
YANBU- no they shouldn’t complain

Sorry, are these specific people or is this a hypothetical specific situation?

This. Takes two to tango and if they are having sex and provided the woman didn't lie about birth control etc then both parties are equally responsible for her getting pregnant and any kids that come thereafter. It's her choice whether to put her body through termination/labour but that's a possibility that's always present when two people are having sex, surprises happen. And why does responsibility land solely with the woman the majority of the time- absolutely he should be held accountable for his part and provide for any kids that come along.

If men don’t want a child that much, they should refrain from having sex

I absolutely agree but if a man TELLS you he doesn’t want children and shows no inclination of being trustworthy then you’d be an idiot to sleep with him.

I told my now DH that I wasn’t prepared to have an abortion if I got accidentally pregnant in the first week of our relationship. He said that he’d never expect that and that it takes two people to have a baby and he’d always support his children.

17 years old he shows every day he’s decent and if we split I have zero doubt he’d be a proper parent.

If I’d got a sniff of him being a feckless twat I’d have disappeared.

17 years ON! Not old! Fucking hell…

🙄

YANBU

So you think they should step up, but you don't think women should complain if they don't do what they should do.

I know someone who has 6 children with her ex husband. He was useless with no 1 and useless with no 6. She still rants regularly on FB about him being a useless parent and all the things he’s not doing, which he has never in fact done. I can’t imagine that he’s going to have a massive personality change now after 20 years.

If men don’t want a child that much, they should refrain from having sex.

Being realistic I would say refrain from having unprotected sex.

So what happens if you get pregnant by mistake which is possible even with birth control?

It’s pretty hard to get pregnant generally speaking when condoms are used and you pull out which is what I would do if I was a man and I was having sex with somebody who I wasn’t in a relationship where children would be a welcome addition.

Only if the poor men who get 'trapped' by women who 'get themselves pregnant' are wrong to complain too.
🤷🏼‍♀️

Men and women have contraception options, men and women know the concequences of unprotected (or about 1% of the time when used correctly, prot

Auntsalli, but it is actually possible to get pregnant whilst using contraceptives and then the stark choice is to abort or not

Any man who doesnt want babies should damn well make sure it doesn't happen

so no, he doesn't get to opt out when it happens. Fuxache, it's 1+1 stuff.

Bloody disappearing keyboard again!

(or about 1% of the time when used correctly, protected sex), both have the option to abstain, and use protection, women have the further option to terminate or keep the pregnancy - the man's option comes earlier than that, if he choses not to use it, has sex anyway then the possible result is a pregnancy he has no control over at that point, his point of control was before that, that's when he needs to think about it.

The withdrawal method is 78% effective even without a condom. Nothing is 100% affective aside of not shagging Randomers that you might not want to have children with.

These men don’t have a right to complain.

They knew when they decided to have sex that there was a risk a child would be created, and that the child would need someone to care (and pay) for it for the next eighteen years.

These men chose to have sex anyway and now they’re responsible for the consequences.

Obviously.

It is the woman’s choice. It’s her choice alone.

If you don't want the responsibility of having a baby, you need to take responsibility for your own contraception. If you don't then you have to accept the consequences and that applies to either sex.

Women who have kids with men who who are deadbeats from the get go, I have little patience with when they moan about it, especially when they go on to have several kids with him

So what happens if you get pregnant by mistake which is possible even with birth control?

then they have every right to complain.

isn’t the o/p talking more about women who intentionally get pregnant by deadbeat men who are upfront about not wanting a child or being there for one. Then complaining when the baby is here and they don’t miraculously change into dad of the year.

i have a friend who married a bloke that shagged around. She knew he did, everyone else knew he did. We all told her he would never keep it in his pants and to dump him, but she wanted marriage and kids more and thought he would change. Guess what, he didn’t. She is a very bitter divorcee now, although to his credit he really stepped up for his kids.

I agree with ypu OP. Many women (and men) make poor choices for who to have a child with. I see so many complaints on MN...when it was crystal clear the man was pretty useless.

Too many people stay in crappie relationships and 2/3/4 kids later, they're still with the useless man and are miserable. So I'd also ask why complain, even you chose to do this.

I think the reason a lot of replies here are defensive and against what you've said, is likely because a lot of them have made this poor choices.

If the man didn't want a child he should've used contraception.

If a man doesn't use protection and gets someone pregnant he should step up. If he doesn't the woman is not being completely unreasonable to complain. However, if he'd made it clear he didn't want dc then she shouldn't actually be surprised when he doesn't step up.

The DC on the other hand have every right to complain and be pissed off when their dad doesn't step up....they had no control over being conceived when the man didn't want them

As a group, men are doing just fine without women rushing to defend their right to be waste-of-space fathers. Don't stress yourself, if a man wants to walk away without supporting his child emotionally/financially he can do so, quite easily, mostly without condemnation.

So the mother left holding the baby wants to have a little whinge about it every now and then and that's the bit you have an issue with? Ok

I can understand both sides, but it's like trying believe in the best, e.g. He says he doesn't want kids, well.I believe he will change his perspectives when the baby is born, the pickle is then, it could be argued, that if the father is exactly what he said then it's a pickle, I can then understand the frustration or perspectives of the woman.

That said, I don't know my real biological farther, as to who, what, why etc, I've not a clue, but he must of had his reasons, and the bottom line I hope he would be proud of me, that said if he didn't care, then pickles, but I love me for me, either way.

Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit · 06/10/2022 21:56
If men don’t want a child that much, they should refrain from having sex.
Your opinion is actually quite offensive, as if it were the woman’s fault for choosing not to terminate.

Awfu,l irresponsible, hopeless men are one thing - I'm not defending them. But women shouldn't have sex with them!!! Or if they do, do it with absolutely no illusions at all. I don't understand how anyone could be attracted to a deadbeat man enough to have sex with him?? How does that work, especially if he'd made his attitude clear?

Sorry, but from experience I think are a many women who just have to have a boyfriend at all times and therefore accept any old rubbish. Women: you don't need a man, and definitely not a rubbish one. Wait for a decent one or get a pet!!

So if you don't need a man, what are the options if you want to have sex? Or are women supposed to be celibate?