Page 6 | These women don’t have the right to complain

Cheeseplants · 2022-10-06T20:54:19+00:00

That their baby’s father is a deadbeat, when they told them from the start they didn’t want a child with them. Like what did they expect? I’m all for women having the right to choose, but when you choose to give birth to a child that’s dad does not want him/her… are you justified in complaining about that man when the child is born and isn’t playing daddy? YABU- yes they have the right to complain YANBU- no they shouldn’t complain

JudgeJ · 08/10/2022 15:16

L1ttledrummergirl · 06/10/2022 21:59

If he didn't want dc, he shouldn't have had sex. It's the only way for a man to guarantee he won't get someone pregnant.

If he wants to have sex then he should be aware that even with contraception there is a chance his partner could get pregnant.

His choice ends there. Anything to do with the woman's body because her choice. He has no say.

If the pregnancy becomes a baby he needs to be responsible for that child.

It's really not that hard to understand.

Most of that very unoriginal response also applies to women, if she doesn't want a child then she refrains from sex, surely that's simple enough.

J0y · 08/10/2022 15:17

I don't think this is how it usually plays out.

Who are these legions of men duped in to fatherhood?

Hawkins001 · 08/10/2022 15:37

J0y · 08/10/2022 15:17

I don't think this is how it usually plays out.

Who are these legions of men duped in to fatherhood?

It's more the fact the women, know the guy does not want kids, yet has unprotected business, yet somehow they think the guy will alter when the baby is born. Most people I know are the wc.

gamerchick · 08/10/2022 15:57

Hawkins001 · 08/10/2022 15:37

It's more the fact the women, know the guy does not want kids, yet has unprotected business, yet somehow they think the guy will alter when the baby is born. Most people I know are the wc.

Show quote history

If a bloke doesn't want kids. He doesn't have unprotected sex. Ever. It's literally 1+1 stuff

KosherDill · 08/10/2022 16:09

All these arguments about unprotected sex are totally missing the OP's point.
We KNOW that men should take more responsibility, and we also KNOW that they don't. And that there are men who might want to but are incapable due to mental health issues, addiction issues, criminality, low intelligence, unemployability, the list goes on. And yet women willingly shag these poor speciments, become pregnant by them and then stand around going "woe is me, woe is me." It boggles the mind.

As a woman who has been sexually active for 40 years, I know that whether or not to become pregnant is (or was, that ship has sailed) 100 percent my choice. Always. Every month. I enjoyed many a fling in addition to LTR but would never, ever leave myself vulnerable to getting pregnant by some loser because it was 'his turn to manage contraception' or whatever these daft arguments are. I made sure ironclad methods were used by me and that I had enough money for an abortion if something untoward happened.

And more importantly, I would never foist a resentful, unwilling, begrudging, disinterested father on my own offspring -- not in a million years. Which is why it was important to me to take total control over my own fertility and reproduction.

Why set a child up for that miserable life? Why not have your precious kids with the best possible man, even if it means being alone at times and exerting yourself to be independent and to take time to get to know the men you do date before exposing yourself to potential pregnancy?

Whether or not a man should be interested in the fruits of his recreational sense is beside the point. They should but they aren't. Knowingly procreating with unsuitable sperm donors and then expecting sympathy for being a 'struggling lone parent' like it just happened to you out of the blue is disingenuous and obnoxious.

Hold out for better, women!! Take charge of your reproduction and don't let any old loser impregnate you. They don't CARE and they won't bear the brunt of an unplanned pregnancy, you will. Stop thinking "in an ideal world..." and live in the reality of today.

And if you are against termination, you might want to step away from recreational sex with men you barely know, men of low character, men who can't earn, men who are addicts and men with a trail of broken commitments in their past. It won't end well and you aren't going to "change him." He's not going to "change when we have one of our own." The odds are that he will go on his merry way and you'll end up poor, exhausted, broken and with a one-parent child.

Reallyreallyborednow · 08/10/2022 16:20

Who are these legions of men duped in to fatherhood?

I have seen threads on here from women in relationships with men who don’t want children, asking if it is wrong to stop taking the pill as they want a child.

many posters reply in a similar vein- if he doesn’t want children he should use condoms, and it’s his fault if she gets pregnant.

Hawkins001 · 08/10/2022 16:35

gamerchick · 08/10/2022 15:57

If a bloke doesn't want kids. He doesn't have unprotected sex. Ever. It's literally 1+1 stuff

Show quote history

Which is fair, but then also apply that logic to the ladies, that somehow still desire a man when they know his perspectives and worth,

Question, does it not go both ways ?

Hawkins001 · 08/10/2022 16:38

KosherDill · 08/10/2022 16:09

All these arguments about unprotected sex are totally missing the OP's point.
We KNOW that men should take more responsibility, and we also KNOW that they don't. And that there are men who might want to but are incapable due to mental health issues, addiction issues, criminality, low intelligence, unemployability, the list goes on. And yet women willingly shag these poor speciments, become pregnant by them and then stand around going "woe is me, woe is me." It boggles the mind.

As a woman who has been sexually active for 40 years, I know that whether or not to become pregnant is (or was, that ship has sailed) 100 percent my choice. Always. Every month. I enjoyed many a fling in addition to LTR but would never, ever leave myself vulnerable to getting pregnant by some loser because it was 'his turn to manage contraception' or whatever these daft arguments are. I made sure ironclad methods were used by me and that I had enough money for an abortion if something untoward happened.

And more importantly, I would never foist a resentful, unwilling, begrudging, disinterested father on my own offspring -- not in a million years. Which is why it was important to me to take total control over my own fertility and reproduction.

Why set a child up for that miserable life? Why not have your precious kids with the best possible man, even if it means being alone at times and exerting yourself to be independent and to take time to get to know the men you do date before exposing yourself to potential pregnancy?

Whether or not a man should be interested in the fruits of his recreational sense is beside the point. They should but they aren't. Knowingly procreating with unsuitable sperm donors and then expecting sympathy for being a 'struggling lone parent' like it just happened to you out of the blue is disingenuous and obnoxious.

Hold out for better, women!! Take charge of your reproduction and don't let any old loser impregnate you. They don't CARE and they won't bear the brunt of an unplanned pregnancy, you will. Stop thinking "in an ideal world..." and live in the reality of today.

And if you are against termination, you might want to step away from recreational sex with men you barely know, men of low character, men who can't earn, men who are addicts and men with a trail of broken commitments in their past. It won't end well and you aren't going to "change him." He's not going to "change when we have one of our own." The odds are that he will go on his merry way and you'll end up poor, exhausted, broken and with a one-parent child.

Excellent points, it's could be debated, that it would or could help make a better society if more people had your perspectives

Stompythedinosaur · 08/10/2022 17:33

As soon as a baby is born, it is totally irrelevant whether the parent wanted them or not. They still have the same amount of legal and ethical responsibility to the child. So it is perfectly legitimate to complain about deadbeat parents who don't step up.

If the men really didn't want a child they had the choice to avoid having one - no sex, vasectomies, good contraception.

They clearly expected a women to pick up their share of their responsibilities. It is a shame thay we don't prosecute men like this for child abandonment imo.

KosherDill · 08/10/2022 18:27

Stompythedinosaur · 08/10/2022 17:33

As soon as a baby is born, it is totally irrelevant whether the parent wanted them or not. They still have the same amount of legal and ethical responsibility to the child. So it is perfectly legitimate to complain about deadbeat parents who don't step up.

If the men really didn't want a child they had the choice to avoid having one - no sex, vasectomies, good contraception.

They clearly expected a women to pick up their share of their responsibilities. It is a shame thay we don't prosecute men like this for child abandonment imo.

I agree that all sperm donors should be pressed to fulfill their financial responsibilities but you can't force someone to love, nurture and care for a child.
Why wouldn't every woman hold out for a loving, caring and eager father for her offspring?

It would be better to avoid these situations altogether for society and for the sake of the poor offspring if people mated only with enthusiastic, mature, stable and committed partners. I really don't think that is much of an ask.

"I met a bloke at a concert and we really hit it off and went back to his place; then I moved in three weeks later, and found out three months in that my birth control failed and I had fallen pregnant ... now suddenly he's cooled on me and says he doesn't want it. I don't believe in termination..I only work 16 hours a week and have no savings and he told me to move out.." is not a great plan for starting a family.

(Men can't get you pregnant if you don't have sex with them sans condom and another form of contraception. All these guys who "should have used a condom if they didn't want a child" apparently had a partner who didn't mind if they didn't....)

sageandbasil · 08/10/2022 18:28

YANBU

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/10/2022 19:16

Superb posts, KosherDill

AuntSalli · 08/10/2022 19:19

I always prefer the carrot versus the stick method and my feelings are that if there was motivation and there was reward for young women 16 to 25 to not get pregnant by these idiots I feel that would be a massive step in the right direction I’m not sure what the stats are but there are some around surrounding the income groups that keep of wanted pregnancies versus those that don’t. I have daughters at university and it wouldn’t even be up for debate by them if they had an accident as to whether or not it was terminated. They know there are more fulfilling things in life awaiting them.

CallTheMobWife · 08/10/2022 19:21

Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit · 06/10/2022 21:56

If men don’t want a child that much, they should refrain from having sex.

Your opinion is actually quite offensive, as if it were the woman’s fault for choosing not to terminate.

Not fault, but choice.

If you pregnant, and he says hes not interested and won't be doing the daddy thing, its your choice. IF you choose to go ahead, you knew the terms, and you made that choice.
He should pay CM, of course, but you can't make anyone parent. That's the choice you made

olivehater · 11/10/2022 18:01

It is not a choice. You cannot legally have a termination for social reasons in the UK. Only if it affects your mental health.
It is rather a big thing to terminate. You have to actively choose it. It redtd on your conscience. As opposed to not doing anything and let the pregnancy unfold. So no it is not a choice for women in the same way it is for men who choose to turn away.