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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Table at cafe

177 replies

Gisellenextdoor · 06/10/2022 19:00

I'm originally from a different country although I've lived here most of my adult life so I just want to know if this is considered ok or rude in the UK, as I thought it was rude.

I was meeting a friend today in a lovely cafe with an outdoor area overlooking a beautiful natural reserve. It was a beautiful sunny day but still a bit cold so understandably everyone wanted to sit at the tables in the sun, there were a few in the shade.

My friend texted me to say she was 20 mins late so I waited a bit and grabbed a table in the sun and sat down for a couple of mins. Then I thought I should get myself some tea in the meantime (it's a self service), so I left my jacket on the chair and went inside to buy tea. When I came back out 3 women grabbed my table and removed the chair with my jacket on and pushed it to the side. I should say there were 2 other tables which were free but they were in the shade. I came and said sorry that was my table and you just removed my chair with my belongings on. She uttered an 'sorry but...', didn't even look at me and the 3 of them carried on with their conversation.

Anyway, I grabbed a table in the shade, my friend came and we moved on.

AIBU to think that's rude? Or is it OK to remove someone's belonging and get their table?

OP posts:
loobylou10 · 09/10/2022 15:53

I've never so much guff! Always find a seat first then get your drinks and food. What if you buy what you want then there's nowhere to sit? Not sure if it's a regional thing but that's what everyone does here ( Yorkshire)

loobylou10 · 09/10/2022 15:53

*heard so much guff

PlinkPlonkFizz · 09/10/2022 15:56

You were rude and entitled to think you could bagsie a table before buying anything. I really hate that kind of behaviour.

mamabear715 · 09/10/2022 16:00

@PlinkPlonkFizz Really? I would have said that was normal behaviour.. mind, I'm from Yorkshire like @loobylou10 .. mebbe it's a Yorks thing!

I think it was incredibly rude behaviour, @Gisellenextdoor

loobylou10 · 09/10/2022 16:01

Couldn't agree more @mamabear715.

Snoozer11 · 09/10/2022 16:01

Does this mean that if you're sat in a cafe or pub and get up to order another drink or use the toilet, you have to take all your stuff and forfeit the table?

I don't understand how it's rude to leave your table to order.

gogohmm · 09/10/2022 16:01

Rude but with self service it's excepted you don't sit down until you have bought your food

Mylittlesandwich · 09/10/2022 16:08

This is why I get stressed when eating at a cafe on my own, if I need the loo I don't feel like I should leave my belongings behind but that means my table will be lost and I'd have to start all over again at a new table. Any "leftover" food/drink would be cleared too so I just don't go on my own.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 09/10/2022 16:12

Snoozer11 · 09/10/2022 16:01

Does this mean that if you're sat in a cafe or pub and get up to order another drink or use the toilet, you have to take all your stuff and forfeit the table?

I don't understand how it's rude to leave your table to order.

Surely you can see the difference between grabbing a table BEFORE ordering anything in a self-service cafe, and having ordered, then needing to pop to the lav?

AwayWith88Faires · 09/10/2022 16:12

That is definitely rude.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 09/10/2022 16:16

You were rude to leave your things at a table before you bought anything

Harridan1981 · 09/10/2022 16:20

SerenaTee · 06/10/2022 19:04

I think it’s ruder to bag a table before you’re bought your food/drink, sorry!

Lots of cafes I go to say to get your table before your food/drink, so no loitering with cooling tea waiting for a table.

Phos · 09/10/2022 16:21

I'm perplexed by the "buy your food then get a table" comments. So, what if you've bought your food then find there is nowhere to sit? Just stand there in the way holding your tray just in case someone leaves and you can get there before someone else?

I'd rather be able to get a table then order my food and if there aren't any tables, go somewhere else, which is rather trickier when you've already got your order.

Lougle · 09/10/2022 16:43

It's ironic because behaviour changes according to the situation, I think. If the cafe is quiet, it makes no difference which way around people do things. Get their stuff, find a table. Find a table get their stuff. Nobody cares because there isn't a long queue and there are plenty of tables.

When it's busy, people spend an age in the queue, which makes it even more important that they can sit down once their stuff is ready. But it also means that it's a risk queuing for food in the first place because there's no guarantee of a table.

lap90 · 09/10/2022 16:55

There's nothing wrong with grabbing a table before purchasing food. It makes far more sense than purchasing food then looking like a wally when you can't find anywhere to sit.

FoodieToo · 09/10/2022 17:11

Redwinemaestro · 07/10/2022 00:12

In fact you never leave your stuff unattended or it will get stolen - That's correct. All the unattended stuff that Brits stole from all over the world are displayed proudly in the British Museum 😁

Show quote history

Brilliant, Redwinemaestro!!!

Lookingforbargains · 09/10/2022 20:04

It’s absolutely bonkers to say you have to order first then find a table!

If everyone finds a table first then there’ll never be a lack of tables for people with food/drink.

If you do it the other way, there’s no such guarantee. I would never, ever get in the queue for a cafe without being certain there’ll be a table to eat at. It’s all very well saying those who’ve purchased get priority- but that’s no guarantee there will be an actual table, just that you’ll be first priority in 10, 15 or 30 minutes when someone leaves. Rubbish system!

JudgeJ · 09/10/2022 20:51

All the unattended stuff that Brits stole from all over the world are displayed proudly in the British Museum 😁

Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn!
An idiot's response.

Redwinemaestro · 09/10/2022 23:20

JudgeJ · 09/10/2022 20:51

All the unattended stuff that Brits stole from all over the world are displayed proudly in the British Museum 😁

Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn!
An idiot's response.

And you must be English 🤣

Lucidas · 09/10/2022 23:56

No one has explained why it’s rude to reserve a table with a coat, but it’s fine for a large party to sit at a table while one person orders for the group. It’s just reserving through sheer numbers. Same thing. Why should solitary diners be disadvantaged?

Unless MNers would have you believe that no one should sit down at all without food, so you end up with this Conga queue of masses of people waiting for no reason. Sit down without food or drink on pain of death….

Lookingforbargains · 10/10/2022 06:20

Exactly @Lucidas It’s madness!

Lookingforbargains · 10/10/2022 06:22

Maybe people are thinking of school dinners, where you have to get your tray of food and then find a seat 🤣

It’s a coffee shop, not a cafeteria!

EfficientDynamics · 10/10/2022 07:02

I'd say it was rude of them but it doesn't surprise me in the slightest

I'd have either bought a drink first then got a table or waited for your friend to turn up then one of you gets the drinks, the other stays seated

I've had to fight people off before whilst I'm sat at a table and DH is getting the drinks so people taking an empty table is pretty much a given

WhatNoRaisins · 10/10/2022 07:24

Thing is I've never been in a cafe where you get whole groups queueing together because they don't want to be rude and let someone grab the table while others order

CrazyLadie · 07/02/2023 12:30

Gisellenextdoor · 07/10/2022 09:12

The vileness of some people is unreal. Calling someone a nutter, entitled, brainless for 'bagging/hogging' a table in a cafe is honestly unreal. I'm personally a very reserved person and if I knew this is rude, I'd never have done it. I'm obviously not up to scratch on self-service cafe etiquette.

These 3 women hijacked my table not because there were no tables available in the cafe, there were 2 others with 3 seats each which were free plus the indoor seating areas were half empty. They took the table because it was located in a better spot.

Cowm to Scotland no one cares if ya bag a tavle and they would ask if someone left it and then when the realised it hadn't been left as such then they would find another table. Something similar happened to me on a train, I had a young child and an inform Mum, jumped on train to put our stuff down and went back for them, some ass had sat down every though the table and most of the chair were covered with our stuff, absolutely cockwomble!!!