Table at cafe

[Gisellenextdoor]

I'm originally from a different country although I've lived here most of my adult life so I just want to know if this is considered ok or rude in the UK, as I thought it was rude.

I was meeting a friend today in a lovely cafe with an outdoor area overlooking a beautiful natural reserve. It was a beautiful sunny day but still a bit cold so understandably everyone wanted to sit at the tables in the sun, there were a few in the shade.

My friend texted me to say she was 20 mins late so I waited a bit and grabbed a table in the sun and sat down for a couple of mins. Then I thought I should get myself some tea in the meantime (it's a self service), so I left my jacket on the chair and went inside to buy tea. When I came back out 3 women grabbed my table and removed the chair with my jacket on and pushed it to the side. I should say there were 2 other tables which were free but they were in the shade. I came and said sorry that was my table and you just removed my chair with my belongings on. She uttered an 'sorry but...', didn't even look at me and the 3 of them carried on with their conversation.

Anyway, I grabbed a table in the shade, my friend came and we moved on.

AIBU to think that's rude? Or is it OK to remove someone's belonging and get their table?

You would just sit the kid down if they were old enough and no one would touch your child.

Iv always left my kids at the table to go and buy/pay but there’s two of them.

If you leave kids at the table it's fine. If one of your group is at the table it's fine. This is why I don't go to chains where you order at the counter (like Costa, Starbucks etc) alone. I can't take the stress of holding a tray of hot coffee while trying to find a table. It's madness but it is what it is.

Sorry, OP, I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

While I wouldn't have moved your coat or sat at 'your' table, I would have rolled my eyes and grunted a bit. At self-service places - please get your food/drink first, then look for a table. Otherwise you get several people standing up with trays and nowhere to sit. I've been one of them several times, while someone sits scrolling through their phone waiting for their companions to arrive.

I've been into several places where there is a notice saying 'People who have purchased food and drink have priority - please do not save tables'.

I think this is fair, and I trust the cafe managers to know which system works best.

Asparagoose · Yesterday 23:17
In the UK you can’t bagsy a table by leaving stuff on it. In fact you never leave your stuff unattended or it will get stolen. Or at the very least someone will assume it’s lost property and take it to the counter to hand it in.
I did the latter with a hat which someone had left behind on a cafe table. Turns out it was left on purpose because the nutter thought you could actually reserve a table with a hat! She was furious to find me sitting at “her” table and even more furious when I didn’t move and just said there are four seats so you’re welcome to share!

Definitely entitled behaviour, Asparagoose! I agree, but I think cafes need to make their policy clear with polite notices on the tables to this effect.

(Off topic, but I once waited in a queue for lunch with several others while a couple who'd had coffee sat scrolling on their phones, oblivious to the fact that people were waiting for tables. When I did get seated, I was amused to see they sat over their empty coffee cups for another 45 mins....my God, it takes brass neck and a hell of an entitled attitude to do that! Wish I'd been born with one.

It should be obvious to anyone with a brain cell that cafes need a rapid turnover to survive. If you want to sit for 2 hours +, then pay good money and go to a posh restaurant where that's factored in. It reminds me of the Fleabag episode where she's behind the counter in her cafe (which is in serious financial trouble) and a man comes in, plugs in 4 devices and starts work, refusing to even buy a cup of coffee!!)

It should be obvious to anyone with a brain cell that cafes need a rapid turnover to survive
In America the servers live on tips. Less customers = less tips. So it’s to their benefit to get you out asap and get the next people in. Nobody is allowed to sit over their empty coffee cup for 45 mins, they would be kicked out! And nobody is allowed to hog a table unless they’re actually eating or drinking.

The vileness of some people is unreal. Calling someone a nutter, entitled, brainless for 'bagging/hogging' a table in a cafe is honestly unreal. I'm personally a very reserved person and if I knew this is rude, I'd never have done it. I'm obviously not up to scratch on self-service cafe etiquette.

These 3 women hijacked my table not because there were no tables available in the cafe, there were 2 others with 3 seats each which were free plus the indoor seating areas were half empty. They took the table because it was located in a better spot.

I have very strong views on ‘place holding’ and think it’s wrong. You might have been gone ages and why should other people miss out? That jacket could have been lost property for all they knew. In the future, buy your food/drink first and then sit down.

This is an opinion that usually gets a 50/50 split. I think it’s fine to bag a table, and then order your food/drinks. However, it’s risky on your own, as you discovered when you left your table!

It was very rude for the women to remove your chair and take your table, but they will have justified it by thinking you were rude bagging a table without food or drink.

For all the people grandly saying they would join them at the table, you’re all a load of Billy Bullshitters. Yeah right.

I think I'll avoid cafes altogether. I haven't been to many cafes in recent years as I was a SAHM and took my daughter mainly outdoors or to restaurants where you sit first and have your order taken. Now DD started school I started meeting my friends again without the kids so we went to cafes a few times. I'm obviously completely ignorant on cafe etiquette and quite honestly I can live without going to one.

I think I'll avoid cafes altogether.

Unless you live in MN @Gisellenextdoor land, please don't. Some cafés with very high turnover operate a system where you queue first. They will have signs up.

In any normal cafe, with lots of spare seating as you describe, you are paying for a sit and a chat as well as your drinks and can do exactly as you did.

The lunatics you encountered must have been MNers because I've only encountered this bizarre expectation to decide how others use cafés on here.

Occasionally in life you get arseholes. They are more common online. Just ignore them and you will be much happier.

For all the people grandly saying they would join them at the table, you’re all a load of Billy Bullshitters. Yeah right.

My wife has softened me, so perhaps not these days, but depending on mood I think there is still a good chance I'd stand there and politely insist they move.

People are different. The fact that you wouldn't does not mean others wouldn't. For example: most reasonable people would not nick a table with others nearby, yet here we are.

So rude. You should of sat down next to them while waiting for your friend.

"Hijacked"
Ha, don't be ridiculous.
You should have bought your drink first.
You can't hold a table with a coat, that's not how it works.

I see you're now being dramatic about not going to cafes again, honestly, you lost out, sit in the shade and suck it up.

That is unbelievably rude of them.. a cafe is not the same as sunloungers on holiday.. and I always grab a table first before getting my food when I go to a cafe because I don't want to buy food then realise there's no table for me.. I'd rather know I have a table first and then get food as otherwise if there's no table I'd go elsewhere

Very bizarre indeed. I honestly never came across this table 'hogging' concept before. I appreciate this can be rude in a cafe that's exceptionally busy, but this was not the case.

My friend is English and thought that was rude too. I think if that happened to her she'd have very assertively got the table back.

There you go

What does everyone here saying you can't hog tables before ordering do if they go to somewhere like weather-spoons where you need a table number to place your order?

PPs are saying it's OK to sit your children or other group members at a table to save it whilst queueing. Yet lots of complaints about single people using hats, scarves, books etc to identify where they're going to it sit while they queue up. Seems double-standards.

I've also been in cafes with signs that say 'At busy times please find a table first'.

OP, I would just carry on as you are. 😀

PPs are saying it's OK to sit your children or other group members at a table to save it whilst queueing. Yet lots of complaints about single people using hats, scarves, books etc to identify where they're going to it sit while they queue up. Seems double-standards. not really one is done for the benefit of others and one for your own benefit. Manners are about making life flow more easily.

OP there were limited tables that were desirable so I think the same as a crowded cafe. I honestly wouldn’t worry about it.

Honestly I can see both sides! If I'd arrived ahead of my friend, I'd have wanted to get us the nicest available table too and probably done exactly the same as you OP.
Equally, if my friends and I had already queued, ordered, and paid and come outside to find only one nice, sunny table, empty except for a jacket on it, I might have hesitated for a minute or two to, but honestly, I'd been tempted to move it too.

In places like Pret when it is really busy at lunch time, I find if there is a "reserved" table with a jacket or whatever on it, I will 100% sit down if there are no other seats available and I've already paid and got my tray. Whoever has reserved it is welcome to share but I'm not going to stand around with a full tray of coffee!

In 'spoons you just grab a table then order your food and drink on the app. Usually you get your order quicker than if you'd queued up with the technophobes at the bar.

I remember a fair few years back entering a cafe with 2 empty tables so went to get served, bought drinks and food for my at the time toddler and heavily pregnant at the time. By the time I had been served, others had come in behind me and bagged the tables before ordering.

I posted on a forum asking who was in the right and I got berated for not bagging a table before getting served, it's something I have never done or could do and reading most of these responses now, I wasn't unreasonable to myself to not bag a table first.

Fortunately a lady sat on her own took pity on us and said we could sit with her, she was so lovely and seemed genuinely happy to let us sit with her.

Having said that, I would not remove someone's belongings to nab a table for my own benefit, given that there were other available tables, it was incredibly rude!

What I find weird is if there were three of them, why didn't one stay at the table? Isn't that what most people do? "Here's a tenner, order me a hot chocolate and a muffin, ta. I'll get us a table."

This. Your coat can't have its own table, and they were next up to sit. They weren't rude.

See also: reserving sunbeds with towels. I'd chuck it in the pool.