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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Table at cafe

177 replies

Gisellenextdoor · 06/10/2022 19:00

I'm originally from a different country although I've lived here most of my adult life so I just want to know if this is considered ok or rude in the UK, as I thought it was rude.

I was meeting a friend today in a lovely cafe with an outdoor area overlooking a beautiful natural reserve. It was a beautiful sunny day but still a bit cold so understandably everyone wanted to sit at the tables in the sun, there were a few in the shade.

My friend texted me to say she was 20 mins late so I waited a bit and grabbed a table in the sun and sat down for a couple of mins. Then I thought I should get myself some tea in the meantime (it's a self service), so I left my jacket on the chair and went inside to buy tea. When I came back out 3 women grabbed my table and removed the chair with my jacket on and pushed it to the side. I should say there were 2 other tables which were free but they were in the shade. I came and said sorry that was my table and you just removed my chair with my belongings on. She uttered an 'sorry but...', didn't even look at me and the 3 of them carried on with their conversation.

Anyway, I grabbed a table in the shade, my friend came and we moved on.

AIBU to think that's rude? Or is it OK to remove someone's belonging and get their table?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gisellenextdoor · 06/10/2022 19:29

I've never been to this cafe before and I honestly didn't realise it was self service at first (quite a posh cafe in a very posh area). I was greeted by a staff member who told me to go out and grab a table. They were serving brunch/lunch too.

I was in a different cafe in the same area 2 weeks ago where we went in, grabbed a table first and a waiter took our tea order.

If I was rude bagging a table first it was purely out of ignorance.

OP posts:
DaisyDando · 06/10/2022 19:30

They were a lot ruder than you!

Original poster
Gisellenextdoor · 06/10/2022 19:31

Fieldsofhay · 06/10/2022 19:28

It’s always rude to try to reserve a table before you buy food. Always!

Not all cafes are self service, at least not in this area.

OP posts:
ClaudeMyWinkleman · 06/10/2022 19:33

I'm not sure I agree with those saying it's rude to reserve a table before buying. The ladies didn't necessarily know this, you could have been going up for something else or nipping to the loo. What other choice so you have when alone.

Original poster
Gisellenextdoor · 06/10/2022 19:34

Limosella · 06/10/2022 19:29

I had this in a hotel a few years ago. Went down to breakfast and was shown to a table. Left my room key on the table and my bag before going off to the self service buffet. Came back to find a couple sitting there. I glared at them and sat down then checked the contents of my bag were intact very pointedly. They moved!

🙄

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 06/10/2022 19:38

I think the women were in the right. They were ready to sit and eat/drink before you so they were ahead of you in the queue, as it were. Baggsying a better table with possessions ahead of purchasing your food/drink is table-hogging.

Autumnisclose · 06/10/2022 19:40

You were rude for reserving a table before you had ordered on self service. They were ruder for what they did.

UserNameNameNameUser · 06/10/2022 19:47

YABU

It drives me nuts when I am in the queue waiting to pay and people waltz past to take up tables before joining the queue. It’s so rude and entitled.

More than once I’ve been left holding a tray with nowhere to sit because of these types of people, although to be fair in that situation I have then pointed it out to staff who have moved the others on because they haven’t paid yet.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 06/10/2022 19:57

A self service cafe with staff who greet you as you walk in? What is this weirdness?

HairyMcLarie · 06/10/2022 20:06

Hmm. I'm a bit of both. I'd have done what you did while waiting for a friend and left bits to show there was someone there.

If the place was busy though and there were coveted tables and I found people at the table when I returned (especially in a group) I'd probably just take it on the chin. If you'd waited for your friend and gone a few minutes later or queued first then you wouldn't have that table either. Easy coke easy go no big deal

I've been in the other position when there's 3/4 of you with food and drinks and 1 person sitting at a perfect table with nothing in front of them. You think: Are they going? Staying? Waiting for a person in the loo? Have they wandered in with no intention of purchasing? If they hop up then I'd be bagging it too irrespective of a strategic cardigan or keys. I've got a group of people with food going cold.

Muu · 06/10/2022 20:08

Hogging a good table for 20 minutes before your mate shows up or even before getting a drink is ballsy on the same level as moving the coat imo. You should’ve stayed put.

DreamingofGinoclock · 06/10/2022 20:09

Obviously you didn't realize it was self service, but generally in a self service cafe the eticatte is to get you food drink etc before you sit down.

If the women realised you had reserved the table with jacket it was rude to move it ....BUT if it was me I might have just assumed someone left their jacket behind and moved to one side (or handed into staff) for if they came back for it

OneTC · 06/10/2022 20:12

Subaru4336 · 06/10/2022 19:16

I think I might have been tempted to pull up my chair and sit at the table with them 😂

That's what I would have done.

GreenManalishi · 06/10/2022 20:14

Neither is rude really, it's just two different ways of doing things. Some places you need a table number to order food, others you need food first before you bag a table.

You were both just doing it different ways, although maybe reserving a table with a coat is the culinary equivalent of a towel on a sun lounger? Which certain people see as the very height of rudeness and causes tempers to run very high with some British people!

Original poster
Gisellenextdoor · 06/10/2022 20:56

I'll be more considerate next time and not bag/hog a table. I was not intending that.

This cafe had a funny layout in the sense that you came in through a large hallway, there were 2 separate rooms on the left hand side for seating, the outdoor area was at the end of the hallway and the food/drinks area was in the separate room on the right hand side. When I came in I saw someone carrying a tray who asked me if she could help. I said I wanted to sit outside, she said I could go and get a table.

I sat down thinking someone will take my order and then I saw everyone coming with a tray.

I realised the staff were just clearing tables and not taking orders.

OP posts:
onlythreenow · 06/10/2022 21:04

It was rude, but you were also rude. You should always buy your food/drink before grabbing a table.

I don't live in the UK but putting something on the chair/table is usually acceptable here. I wouldn't dream of taking a table which others had obviously claimed as "theirs". It is very rude.

MrsTumblebee · 06/10/2022 21:06

Splutteramo · 06/10/2022 19:04

I would have told them to shift their arses.

I would have pulled over a chair and sat beside them.

dressingGowndiva · 06/10/2022 21:08

In some cafés though (including the one where I work) you order at the till, but you actually have to have a table before you can order so we can have a table number to know where to bring the food out too.

jewishmum · 06/10/2022 21:10

If there were no other suitable tables (like not big enough for their group) then it would be ok-ish as you had not yet got food and weren't there and were just one person.

But as there were plenty of tables - they just wanted yours as it was in the sun, that's rude.

I'd get my phone out and take their picture, put my phone away and sit down near them. Just to trigger them.

DoodlePug · 06/10/2022 21:13

In terms of rudeness it's worse to move someone else's stuff than to use your stuff to reserve a table. You're supposed to bitch about them and guve them filthy looks instead 😆

The 'get your food then find a table' is crap since there may not be a table when you've got it, but if people bag a table first then the table is in use for longer therefore there are fewer to go around.

Orders76 · 06/10/2022 23:06

This is hilarious. I actually can't think of anywhere other than UK where you'd be expected to buy and then potter around trying to find a seat.
Most of Europe you sit down and someone comes and takes an order. Even caffs, once you leave something at the table it's commonsense for 'im ordering'.
Does this mean if you're out by yourself with a kid and leave your stuff to order something, people would move a mum with buggy and assorted paraphernalia and think that's ok?

Asparagoose · 06/10/2022 23:17

In the UK you can’t bagsy a table by leaving stuff on it. In fact you never leave your stuff unattended or it will get stolen. Or at the very least someone will assume it’s lost property and take it to the counter to hand it in.

I did the latter with a hat which someone had left behind on a cafe table. Turns out it was left on purpose because the nutter thought you could actually reserve a table with a hat! She was furious to find me sitting at “her” table and even more furious when I didn’t move and just said there are four seats so you’re welcome to share!

Orders76 · 06/10/2022 23:21

Well she's obviously not a lone nutter since a few on this thread have pointed out the same issue.
I mostly go to places where someone will come and speak to you at a table so no issue.

Original poster
Gisellenextdoor · 06/10/2022 23:24

I wouldn't go that far and call someone a nutter for 'bagging' a table. Chill please, it's just a table in a cafe

OP posts:
Asparagoose · 06/10/2022 23:25

Limosella · 06/10/2022 19:29

I had this in a hotel a few years ago. Went down to breakfast and was shown to a table. Left my room key on the table and my bag before going off to the self service buffet. Came back to find a couple sitting there. I glared at them and sat down then checked the contents of my bag were intact very pointedly. They moved!

You really just left your handbag unattended? With your purse and everything? You are quite mad! Didn’t you think someone might nick your bag? I don’t think I’ve ever left my handbag unattended in my life. Not surprising that people assumed it was lost property and just sat down!