Friend called me a Karen

[cestelee]

I was in a coffee shop with my friend and ordered a hot chocolate and some lunch. When the hot chocolate came it was very bitter and had no sugar in it at all.

It took a while (10m) to get the attention of a waitress as they were busy and I very politely told them that I think the barista made a mistake when making it and could they please remake it to be sweet too.

The waitress was very polite, and I thanked them and apologized for the inconvenience. She took the hot chocolate away. Five minutes later she came back and asked me if it were ok to just put sugar in it or if I wanted it remaking.

I knew it would be colder now and the sugar wouldn't dissolve, which is a bit icky, so I thanked her and asked if she could remake it. Waitress was very polite and the new hot chocolate when it came was perfect.

Friend called me a Karen for first sending it back, which she said is rude, and second asking them to remake it instead of putting sugar in it. She never got nasty and said it in jest but was trying to make a point.

My mum is called Karen and I really don't like that phrase. She's invited me for coffee this weekend and I don't want to go now. WIBU?

I wouldn’t say skipping one coffee date is ‘going nuclear’ or taking revenge. Slight over reaction really.

I agree. I can't stand the name "Karen" being used as a put down for women who speak up for themselves. However, why didn't the OP's friend just walk up to counter and ask for some sugar?!

Tel your friend she upset you a bit calling you a Karen and that you were paying for the hot choc so wanted it to taste nice.

None of those terms actually mean specifically what I described. And without a term to mean the specific type of behaviour, it is extremely difficult for it to be challenged.

I hate the term Karen and would be pretty unimpressed if a 'friend' called me that.

I would have been annoyed with a friend calling me a Karen, but you were unreasonable about the hot chocolate.
Would you have asked for a new tea or coffee if it wasn’t sweet enough for you?
Hot chocolate has lactose in from the milk and sugar in the chocolate part - you should have just added sugar!

Karen aside, it’s a bit weird of her to be embarrassed about you sending the hot choc back, assuming you were polite about it.

a) They're near enough to make no difference. "Stop claiming victimhood, you racist shitbag" is fine for anyone who can handle more than two syllables.

b) The complex (to you) concept of white people expressing racism through pretending to be wronged has never been encapsulated in the term Karen. Ever since it became a slur, it has only ever been used to try to shut women down for speaking. That's the entire point of gendered insults.

c) If you really wanted some terms to capture this, you could perhaps try Bob Ewell or Mayella Ewell. The concept has existed for a while.

d) There's evidence that it was actually started by a Redditor complaining about his ex wife. The racism element came later to give it moral justification as a misogynistic insult. Hey, I'm not shutting women down! I'm FIGHTING RACISM!

This absolutely. It is a ignorant thing to do designed only to shut women up. And don't let it put you off sending the chocolate back next time either!

😂 took me about 30 posts to find one I agreed with.
A 'Karen' has nothing to do with race, mysognisism or discrimination. It's a term used in general for keyboard warriors that plague our social media with pointless criticism when they should just go about their day. Similar to 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' ilk. We have gone mad on cancel culture on all sides.
You either want to be her friend or not and if you knew it wasn't meant offensively why has it hurt so much? Just tell her you found it a bit embarrassing she called you that move on. We can't say anything these days without someone or another taking offence just because they don't like it.
I would not be ending a friendship based on this.

You were polite, even when they took 5 minutes to come back and ask if they should remake your drink or not, so I don't know what your friend's problem is. Of course it's okay to ask for something you paid for to be made as requested. Whatever happened to "the customer is always right"?

I hate the term "Karen", too. No-one will ever convince me that it's acceptable to use someone's name as an insult, and all too often (as in this instance) it's a meaningless insult. You're supposed to accept subpar service or else you're unreasonable? Oh, please!

Tbh, I would distance myself from this friend. She doesn't sound very pleasant!

I thought the male equivalent was gammon (I.e Piers Morgan types)
Whilst you weren't a massive Karen in this situation, this type of person definitely exists and therefore there is a term for it- social shorthand
However I do think you were a bit unreasonable for sending it back to be remade and that this isn't just you "speaking up for yourself and what you paid for" as some others are suggesting. They made it right, just not the way you like it and to your tastes and rather than putting your own sugar in, you made them make another and put sugar in that one (because that's what they did, they didn't miraculously make it sweeter by magic). I think a very early poster summed it up (inadvertently) by saying you were just asking for what you were entitled to- they key word being "entitled " and the fact that you were not "entitled" to a hot chocolate far sweeter than they normally serve it just because that isn't your taste and you can't be arsed to sweeten it yourself

In short, I think you were both wrong. You were unreasonable, she used the term too easily, you're being overly offended as a result. Move on

I had my hair cut a few weeks ago and the hairdresser pointed to a picture and said "That's a Karen cut".

P.s. it is more Karen-y, surely, to be posting about ending a friendship over this on mumsnet.....hmm? Maybe you should post a thinly veiled passive aggressive Facebook status about it to finish off the job?

"Dick" while a very effective term in itself, does not apply only to men being assertive/complaining, particularly once they are past 30.
In fact it's far less likely men would be viewed as unworthy of space in the world as they age anyway.

What the hell has Central Park got to do with anything

All of the worst aggression, social divisiveness, virtue signalling, faux outrage and political purity come from bloody america, hate it. Its all toxic

I typed up a long ting and then realised @Sandinmyknickers has already said it.

And I also don't like the use of 'Karen' but have a feeling that other words meaning the same would be ruder. This is a bit more lighthearted.

A lot of people assuming the OP has never had a hot chocolate before and has no idea when one tastes a bit "off".
I've had plenty of pints, when I get one that tastes wrong am I not allowed to return it?

Of course you are, but she didn’t say it tasted ‘off’, she clearly said it tasted bitter and she wanted it sweeter… and this is easily solved by putting some sugar in.

This. Put your own sugar in.

YANBU to return a hot chocolate if it tastes wrong. I'm assuming it wasn't just a sugar issue and something hadn't been done correctly the first time to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Message your friend and say that you didn't like her comment about being a Karen and why. Be aware though that she might think you're being over sensitive addressing it later down the line when she's probably already forgotten it and moved on. Make it about the phrase rather than her using it to describe you.

Depending on her response, which will likely be defensive, decide if you want to meet her for coffee and draw a line under it. You never know, she might apologise for calling you it and realise it's not something to jokingly throw about which is great... One less person using the phrase!

YANBU - I hate this whole thing of calling women Karens because they have the temerity to ask for things they are entitled to.

Agreed. It is a term used to silence women. I hate it, but am especially sicked by women using it on each other... how do the not understand how damaging it is? I think your mum being called Karen is irrelevant. Can just talk to your friend about it?

Mumsnet is the only place I hear the term ‘Karen’ these days. The rest of the world moved on from it mid 2020

Nope - I'm an English teacher and one of my Year 9s brought it up the other day when we were talking about the concept of stereotyping. I asked for a class vote, and only one child appeared not to know what a 'Karen' was. We had a long discussion about how problematic the term is.

Yes, I completely agree that it’s a commonly used term amongst teenagers.

Ooh I'm going to use @teaklaxon as my word for an entitled obnoxious know it all now! What a relief to just have a one word term to generalise & dismiss people with instead of having to go to the trouble of describing the actual problematic behaviour.
Ignore her she's just being a teaklaxon