Friend called me a Karen

[cestelee]

I was in a coffee shop with my friend and ordered a hot chocolate and some lunch. When the hot chocolate came it was very bitter and had no sugar in it at all.

It took a while (10m) to get the attention of a waitress as they were busy and I very politely told them that I think the barista made a mistake when making it and could they please remake it to be sweet too.

The waitress was very polite, and I thanked them and apologized for the inconvenience. She took the hot chocolate away. Five minutes later she came back and asked me if it were ok to just put sugar in it or if I wanted it remaking.

I knew it would be colder now and the sugar wouldn't dissolve, which is a bit icky, so I thanked her and asked if she could remake it. Waitress was very polite and the new hot chocolate when it came was perfect.

Friend called me a Karen for first sending it back, which she said is rude, and second asking them to remake it instead of putting sugar in it. She never got nasty and said it in jest but was trying to make a point.

My mum is called Karen and I really don't like that phrase. She's invited me for coffee this weekend and I don't want to go now. WIBU?

Well you weren’t being a Karen so she shouldn’t have called you that.
But you were being a bit of a Becky.
Next time, just extend your arm, grab a sachet or two, add sugar & stir.

It was always intended to insult women in general. That's what all misogynistic stereotypes do (as if men are never racist!). Of course people always say the person they call a Karen is a "real one". That's how it works as a silencing technique.

I'd rather be a Karen than a doormat who finds it too embarrassing to query when you're not given the item you paid for (and given the prices in coffee shops atm I'd assume paid a fair amount for!).

I'd maybe cancel the coffee this weekend and just take a few weeks away from that friend to cool down a bit - while I agree with you, it's a minor issue in the scheme of things and not something to lose a friend over.

If you want to at a later stage, or if she brings it up, you could say something along the lines of "Actually yeah it did really annoy me when you called me a Karen, because it's a horrible misogynistic term that usually refers to someone who is unpleasant, rude, and makes unreasonable demands. I don't think I was being unreasonable to ask for the drink I'd paid for to be made properly, and I definitely wasn't rude, so I did find it insulting you suggested that."

well i find it doubly offensive as my name IS Karen. 😠

I find it so weird the number of people who won't speak up at the time when something is wrong but just sit there moaning to themselves - and even worse then turn online warrior and write a trip adviser or restaurant review when it's too late for the business to do anything about it!

Serial complainers are of course knobs, but knowing how to politely assert yourself when needed is a valuable skill, not something (women in particular) should be embarrassed about!

Friend called me a Karen for first sending it back, which she said is rude, and second asking them to remake it instead of putting sugar in it. She never got nasty and said it in jest but was trying to make a point.

it's not funny. If she ever does it again look her in the eye and say "i don't get what you mean? what do you mean?" (like we do with sexist/racist jokes). Make it uncomfortable and then tell her it's an ageist misogynistic slur and not to use it towards you again.

Karen is just a nice word for an uptight moaner and as you say, it was said as a joke.

no, @Noteverybodylives it isn't. As ben repeatedly pointed out on this thread

Personally I think you should have just put sugar in it rather than ask for it to be remade, that doesnt make sense to me, you sweeten it to your taste surely

I dont like the name/word but associate it with loud mouthy types who cause a fuss inappropriately. But of course everyone else has their own view of what is appropriate

I dont use any of these 'names' that are bandied around like snowflake or gammon or karen.

In your friends case she could have just been grown up and said 'makes me feel a bit uncomfortable when people complain', because thats her own issue, not yours and its not necessary to name call

Why couldn’t you just put sugar in your hot chocolate yourself?

There’s nothing wrong with the term Karen but you weren’t being one here - you just wanted what you ordered which is fair enough.

Could you not just have put sugar in it? Cafes usually have sachets of it.

Explain why the term is offensive - if she won't take it on board, you should reconsider the friendship.

Your friend is being a misogynist for using the term ‘Karen’.
You are being unreasonable for using the word ‘icky’ as an adult 🙄

I read Reddit daily and I've seen men referred to as a "Chad"

Not sure what it means

She wanted a hot chocolate and got one… normal procedure if you want your hot drink sweeter is to stir some sugar into it, not send it back and ask for the staff to remake it and put sugar in it for you.

Karen - wrong.

Sitting for 10 minutes waiting to attract the attention of a waitress when you could have added sugar - wrong.

I see it frequently on local FB pages and it's only ever young women and young men who use it. The older posters don't seem to use it at all.

There is - Ken

I've only ever seen Chad thrown in when people try to claim Karen isn't misogynistic because there's a male equivalent. Never seen a TikTok "customer conversation" video with a Chad. Never seen a click bait article about an entitled Chad getting what he deserves. Never heard how old Chad is, what race he is or how he wears his hair.

Was it a fancy coffee shop? As I've been to somewhere before very hipster type coffee shop in an art gallery, where they had all different types of hot chocolate labelled by bitterness/percentage of cocoa level (they were all fairly bitter and you would have had to add your own sugar if you wanted it sweet).
That being said, your friend was extremely rude/ignorant and I bet wouldn't have called a man out if he had politely sent something back.

I don’t think you were a ‘Karen’ if something isn’t nice why would you not send it back? - It really annoys me that it is thrown around so flippantly these days as the root meaning was always an obnoxious entitled racist middle aged white woman.

Also the male version is Chad.

I had an appalling and expensive coffee at a London museum
I complained ( Politely) and when I did, others too brought their coffees back ( weak and milky ).
Nothing worse than a bad coffee, but hot chocolate is normally very sweet, and extra sugar is not needed.

But Karen insult is just stupid.

If you don't like it you don't like it. But why the need to mention my mum/sister/friend/second cousin once removed/rabbit is named Karen? So what?

Kevin 😂

Chad IIRC is an incel term to describe a certain type of man that gets all the girls and incels hate. See also 'Stacy' and 'Becky'.