Friend called me a Karen

[cestelee]

I was in a coffee shop with my friend and ordered a hot chocolate and some lunch. When the hot chocolate came it was very bitter and had no sugar in it at all.

It took a while (10m) to get the attention of a waitress as they were busy and I very politely told them that I think the barista made a mistake when making it and could they please remake it to be sweet too.

The waitress was very polite, and I thanked them and apologized for the inconvenience. She took the hot chocolate away. Five minutes later she came back and asked me if it were ok to just put sugar in it or if I wanted it remaking.

I knew it would be colder now and the sugar wouldn't dissolve, which is a bit icky, so I thanked her and asked if she could remake it. Waitress was very polite and the new hot chocolate when it came was perfect.

Friend called me a Karen for first sending it back, which she said is rude, and second asking them to remake it instead of putting sugar in it. She never got nasty and said it in jest but was trying to make a point.

My mum is called Karen and I really don't like that phrase. She's invited me for coffee this weekend and I don't want to go now. WIBU?

I heard it used last week. I imagine not isolated.

What's the male equivalent then?

I'm not a fan of using "Karen" as an insult, but even if I were, you didn't act like one.
You were polite, and the waitress understood your issue. Your friend is being ridiculous.

The barista doesn't combine the cocoa and sugar herself, it will be premixed powder or sauce added to steamed milk so I'm not sure how she made it wrong. If you like your drink sweeter just add sugar.!

If I ordered a latte/flat white/mocha/hot chocolate etc and wanted it sweeter I would add sugar myself. I wouldn't send it back and ask for it to be remade with sugar added.

There’s quite a few, but there doesn’t need to be any at all.

I wouldn’t have made all that fuss about a drink but calling you a Karen isn’t nice.

Hate the phrase Karen.

But why couldn't you just go and get your own sugar or ask for it? Rather than requesting a whole new drink with sugar in? And how long was the wait that it made the hot chocolate that cold that sugar wouldn't dissolve?

Exactly! Hot chocolate isn't made with sugar, it's up to the customer to add in as much sugar as they need.

That’s what I thought too. The drink wasn’t ‘made wrong’ because it wasn’t sweetened to her personal preference. Usually they’re served unsweetened and you sweeten to preference with sachets of sugar.

I could be off topic... but who on earth puts sugar in hot chocolate? And if its really necessary, why didn't you just go and lift a sachet and add it?

@YellowTreeHouse none in the UK. And the need for equality was not my point.

You made a mountain out of a molehill in the coffee shop and you are making another one now.

So what was your point?

There is NO equivalent male term.

The origin of the term Karen is something I have no problem with. There is a specific type of obnoxious behaviour that usually has roots in racism or classism that is usually combined with a feigned politeness or victimhood.

As a society it is right that we should have a name for that, particularly as we have started (I hope) to recognise the complexity and nuance around race and the ways in which people of colour can be disadvantaged. One of those ways is the combination of an obnoxiousness disguised as a response to being wronged. The classic example is the woman in Central Park who called the police on a black man for telling her to keep her dog out of the no dogs area, knowing that as a white woman complaining about a black man in a deeply racist society, her false claims would likely have resulted in significant harm to the man if he hadn't been able to prove her unreasonableness.

As a society we haven't previously tended to recognise that concept, so haven't needed a name for it. It is good that we recognise it. And therefore we need a name for it. It's a bit shit for the people actually named Karen that this is where we are, but I don't think it's misogynistic (I have seen men referred to as Karens too).

In this case, I don't think OP was being a Karen. Being a Karen in that situation would have involved using her social status, class or race as a form of power over someone of a different class or race - for example, if instead of asking politely for the hot chocolate to be remade, if she'd made a fuss of how dreadful it was, demanded to complain to the manager etc.

Asking for it to be remade was odd but not being a Karen. OP's friend made a pretty poor and inaccurate joke. Not the end of the world.

Your "friend" is a Dick.

Also...who wants cold hot chocolate with sugar in it??

@TeaKlaxon I may have to add an "S" to my username just for you...

As a society we haven't previously tended to recognise that concept, so haven't needed a name for it.

We never had a term like "racist arsehole", "racist bigot" or "racist shithead"?

We needed a gendered term?

If you couldn't call someone a fleabrained, racist, hateful shitbrain before a woman's name got co-opted for it, you needed a wider vocabulary.

Are you sure see my username

There is... it's called a Kevin

I belong to a few FB Etsy groups and there is a ghastly thing called a 'Karen Check' where you can look up whether a customer has form for complaining.

Removes "Etsy" from my Christmas shopping list...

Some people disagree and say it's Chad.

It clearly isn't established...

@cheeseandwineissofine It's funny odd , but I have a cousin called Karen and her cousin is Kevin...🤔🤷‍♀️

This is why there are so many lonely friendless people in the world. It’s the perfect example. Instead of just saying I don’t like that term and discussing it, the op wants to take the nuclear option and be a right dick about it.

do it op. Get your petty revenge. Go you.don’t meet her. You get in there and be a right dick about it