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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does life lose its magic in your 40’s?

141 replies

Youvegotasecretsmile · 06/10/2022 15:02

I’m 44 and remember my 30’s as still being quite fun, I looked forward to the future, enjoyed music more, going out a little, travelling, drank more.
I dunno…the magic has gone, the romance of life, I feel more jaded and realistic

OP posts:

GretaGip · 06/10/2022 15:03

One of the symptoms of perimenopause is feeling flat - a joylessness. Could that be a possibility
?

mdh2020 · 06/10/2022 15:04

Good heavens - life takes off in your forties. DC were off to university, I changed careers and started travelling.

B1pbop · 06/10/2022 15:05

Life is what you make it. Follow your feelings and arrange some fun things to do and look forward to.

gogohmm · 06/10/2022 15:06

No it gets better, kids old enough to be left, they then left home. The kids are actually jealous because I have more fun than them

gwenneh · 06/10/2022 15:06

Nope. I'm just getting started! Had another baby, bought another horse, set some new goals and on we go.

I gave up the whole going out/drinking thing in my 20's. No appeal for me.

NumptiesIncorporated · 06/10/2022 15:08

My forties were so much better than my thirties and my fifties seem to be shaping up quite well too.

Maybe you need to figure out what isn't working so well for you, and see if you can find a way to make changes? Easy to say, not always so easy to do, but it's definitely possible.

Fleetheart · 06/10/2022 15:10

i think it depends how old your children are. for me my forties were a lot of hard graft. now i am mid 50s and (at last) my children are becoming slightly more self sufficient, things are much better and the magic is coming back!!

Noshowlomo · 06/10/2022 15:10

Unless you have kids in your late 30s like me. I’m 42 with a 3.5 year old so the uni days are a whole off yet. And im bloody knackered!
Know what you mean OP, but hoping the sparkle will come back a bit when I’m less tired as he gets older

Grandeur · 06/10/2022 15:11

I do wonder if the people who come out with the line "Life begins in your 40s/50s" are just trying to compensate for the fact that they're aging. Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

I agree with you. The truth is the older we get the more baggage we have to carry from life experiences, and it can definitely be tough.

MarshaBradyo · 06/10/2022 15:11

No I’m the opposite. Dc now at school time for me to do stuff, feels good

FreezyFreezy · 06/10/2022 15:12

No. The thing that's made life lose its magic for me is the total lack of money but I still enjoy things like sitting in the garden and listening to music and being daft with dh and the kids.

gwenneh · 06/10/2022 15:12

Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?
Absolutely! The happiness from my 20's was, by comparison, superficial to what I have now. No way I'd go back to it for even a single day.

LuciaPopp · 06/10/2022 15:14

Well, a decade is a long time and people are at different stages- I'd be tempted to look more at what's happening in your life than at the decade you are in and make changes as necessary.

My experience is that I've had times of feeling more excited and romantic and other times feeling more prosaic- they come and go. It's more like bobbing on the waves than sliding down a hill.

NumptiesIncorporated · 06/10/2022 15:14

Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

I can.

I'm more confident, have a much better sense of self, an much more willing to go for the things I want out of life. The future for me now is brighter than it was then, despite it being significantly shorter.

Original poster

Youvegotasecretsmile · 06/10/2022 15:15

I have a young dc so could be that 🤔 even though I love being a mum so very much, my 20/30’s were all my big travelling, fun days etc

OP posts:

Tuilpmouse · 06/10/2022 15:15

Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

Truthfully yes.

Your 20s are over-rated... Often struggling for cash, often more likely to have relationship woes as you try and find the right partner for you, and often working you arse off at a junior level to establish yourself in a career.

PotatoHammock · 06/10/2022 15:19

I'm still in my thirties - no magic here! No going out, or drinking, I'm very much in survival mode. Maybe it's more to do with what age your kids are, and whether your friends are in similar circumstances?

mamabear715 · 06/10/2022 15:20

My 40's were.. eventful.. divorce etc..
I think it's an odd age. Half of life is gone, & one wonders what to DO with the rest, on thinking time's running out to have another child / go for that better job / retrain / move up the housing ladder.. I'm seeing it in my older children now.
The fifties & now my 60's are a complete doddle compared to my 40's!

Olinguita · 06/10/2022 15:20

gwenneh · 06/10/2022 15:06

Nope. I'm just getting started! Had another baby, bought another horse, set some new goals and on we go.

I gave up the whole going out/drinking thing in my 20's. No appeal for me.

I'm having a similar experience (minus the horse!) to this.
Life isn't as care-free, I have to plan and be a lot more organized and I can't take risks in the same way as I did in my 20s. However I've set myself new goals and am moving forward into my 40s with intention and purpose.

BogRollBOGOF · 06/10/2022 15:24

I had my DCs at the start of my 30s, so here in my early 40s, there's still a lot of running around after them. Plus they're at the stage of going to bed later at night so there's little adult time without them.
It's over 3 years since I had a night out with DH (baby sitting is an issue with no local family and ASD in the mix)

My friends are all busy with their families and careers and everyone's stretched to capacity at the moment so there's no spare energy and time for hedonism. I do things I enjoy but it's all a bit solitary. Life can be quite lonely at this stage. The fun stuff of my 20s feels a long time ago now.

Hopefully things will perk up as the DCs become more independent and friends get a bit more freedom back too.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/10/2022 15:25

I don't really think it's to do with the age itself but where you are/what you're doing at that point? I'm around your age and life has just started to get interesting again as my kids are adults and me and DH have our freedom back, we've started changing the routine we've had for so long to accommodate life with school kids etc and it feels great, we have a new project going that keeps us busy and I'm feeling more invigorated than I have in years!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 06/10/2022 15:29

Not for me, but my DC is now 14 and I'm getting my own life back and loving it. I'll be 46 when he's 18 and that feels amazing and liberating. Life with small kids isn't very fun or exciting if I'm honest (though it has lots of other benefits!) so it's not your age it's your life stage.

Foronenightonly01 · 06/10/2022 15:34

I’m also 44 and feel very meh….and I really shouldn’t. I used to have such hope - now I’m just anxious about everything. Peri may have something to do with it - my pmt now seems to last 10 days and my mood is properly black during this time. My enthusiasm is at rock bottom. I need some zest and verve for life again.

VatofTea · 06/10/2022 15:36

43, and literally feel exhausted, but haven't slept well last couple of nights. Hopefully will sleep well tonight. I feel so dehydrated, it's a killer. I'm sitting here drinking water, as I type.

Hoosemover · 06/10/2022 15:37

“?Mid-forties are a drag. Medical issues and dealing with elderly relatives.

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