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Original poster

Does life lose its magic in your 40’s?

141 replies

Youvegotasecretsmile · 06/10/2022 15:02

I’m 44 and remember my 30’s as still being quite fun, I looked forward to the future, enjoyed music more, going out a little, travelling, drank more.
I dunno…the magic has gone, the romance of life, I feel more jaded and realistic

OP posts:
mswales · 06/10/2022 22:32

It's nothing to do with what decade you're in, it's whether you've got kids and the relentless daily grind that goes with them that makes your life less exciting or not.

DahliasLove · 06/10/2022 22:34

I do think this is more to do with how old your DC are tbh. I’m mid thirties with a 5yo and as she’s becoming more independent I realise that this life is still mine and I have a lot of possibilities ahead of me. You will get that feeling back too most likely. But early thirties I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that my life was over.

Rosehugger · 06/10/2022 22:41

My 30s passed in a blur of sleep deprivation and work stress, as I had DDs when I was 29 then 33. Forties much better - kids older, work more settled and manageable, much more confident in myself and my abilities and a low tolerance for bullshit.

Farmageddon · 06/10/2022 22:43

I'm looking forward to my 40's actually, and hoping they end up being better than my 30's to be honest. I'm 38 now so time will tell...

My 20's were a lot of fun, travelling and partying. But also massive insecurity, bad boyfriends, flaky friends, and lack of stability. I wouldn't want to go back there, and certainly wouldn't want to be a 20 year old these days.

My 30's have been better in some ways - I'm far more confident and settled in myself, I got a degree, and have developed some great friendships, I'm still in good shape and far healthier than I used to be.
However, external things have really piled the pressure on - namely financial problems, work issues and ageing parents who are now both dealing with serious health concerns.

Swings and roundabouts really.

notanothertakeaway · 06/10/2022 22:43

It's not just about age. It's about where you are in life

My 20s were full of fun and adventure. 30s were more financially secure, but lonely. In my 40s, life has been quiet and calm, but more content

twotoedsloth · 06/10/2022 23:05

BogRollBOGOF · 06/10/2022 15:24

I had my DCs at the start of my 30s, so here in my early 40s, there's still a lot of running around after them. Plus they're at the stage of going to bed later at night so there's little adult time without them.
It's over 3 years since I had a night out with DH (baby sitting is an issue with no local family and ASD in the mix)

My friends are all busy with their families and careers and everyone's stretched to capacity at the moment so there's no spare energy and time for hedonism. I do things I enjoy but it's all a bit solitary. Life can be quite lonely at this stage. The fun stuff of my 20s feels a long time ago now.

Hopefully things will perk up as the DCs become more independent and friends get a bit more freedom back too.

This is exactly how I feel. Late 30s, friends all busy with their own families. I have lots of acquaintances, colleagues, people to say hello to on the school run, but don't hang out with my good friends much these days.

Interests and hobbies would be great, but in what time? It's hard enough to manage DC hobbies, let alone mine on top. I would have to sacrifice my career to create time for that.

bottomwoes · 06/10/2022 23:18

Had my kids at 36 and 39, so my 40’s were spent in a fog of bringing up kids. Husband worked ridiculous hours, I was at home with them which, whilst a privilege, was a hard dull slog at times.
My parents both passed away in my 40’s too and suffered quite a bit of ill health, so definitely felt the strain of the sandwich generation.
Despite all that, got into fitness properly for the first time in my life which has helped both physically and mentally.
Early 50’s now, taking HRT and loving having slightly more freedom.
It’s the small things like not having to drag kids out to buy a pint of milk or having to take a toddler with you to the dentist or a smear test!
Life is busy due to kids hobbies but the light is there!

EmilyEmmabob · 06/10/2022 23:46

I had a spell of sparkle when I was 26/27 but previously to that I was an anxious mess with an awful boyfriend who pretty much ruined my life. I met my DH and life became more how I thought it should have been. My 30s were babies/kids/juggling work and a lot of emotional strain. I turned 40 this year and I just feel so much more content with what I have. Life just doesn't feel like a huge struggle and I'm much more confident about who I am. I don't dress up and go out much, but I just feel happier than I ever used to.

Bookerly · 06/10/2022 23:55

My 20s and 30s were a grind rather than magic. Job I hated, very tight finances and kids with health needs and special needs. Never had enough money to travel or do much fun stuff and always tired.

Now in my 40s I have a job I love, finally some money for myself and a little bit of freedom as kids are older teenagers.

bridgetreilly · 07/10/2022 01:13

Way happier in my 40s than any previous decade except possibly 0-10. Mostly because I’ve learned how to be me, and how not to care all that much what other people think. But also, I have a house I love, a job I love, and a sense of being settled that I’ve never had before.

user1471452428 · 07/10/2022 01:33

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/aug/22/research-says-that-your-40s-are-your-unhappiest-age-its-worse-for-millennials

I thought it was fairly well known that there is a happiness dip in the 40s that extends across cultures. I believe they've identified the worst year as 44.

Gronkle · 07/10/2022 01:54

20's travel, partying
30's settling down a little, still travel and fun but falling in love and spending time with him, started having babies
40's kids young, trying to juggle work and family life, lots of drudge but lots family fun too
50's children older, dh and I making time for ourselves again, a bit more money and calmer fun. 55 now and although we don't want it to come quickly, we do have plans for our retirement.

My mum once said to me "it's pointless pining for your lost youth, there are good things to be found at every age, it's up to you to find then" best bit of advice I've ever been given.

Booklover3 · 07/10/2022 02:16

My 30s have been a mixture. Feeling flat with young children. I’m mid 30s but I am hoping my 40s will be better as the kids will be 10+ by the time I am 40.

here’s to hoping it will be a bit easier at any rate!!

garlictwist · 07/10/2022 05:35

I'm in my 40s and I would say I do feel a bit....bored. No kids (through choice). I have hobbies, friends, a job that I tolerate, a DP and plenty of free time but I do feel less enthusiastic about things that I have in the past. I don't know why.

Darbs76 · 07/10/2022 06:03

Life is better for me in my 40’s. 46 now, youngest is 15 soon, oldest gone off to Uni, my life is starting to be my own again. No babysitters needed, enjoying theatre, meals, just spending time enjoying life. Since covid restrictions ended I’ve made a real effort to go out more. Not all the time, I work full time so don’t want to be out all the time but I meet friends weekly to enjoy local events (close to london so endless things to enjoy). Life is what you make it

Beezknees · 07/10/2022 07:38

I'm 32, turning 33 next month and my only DC is 14. My 40s will be "my time" after spending my 20s parenting, so I bloody hope I won't be feeling jaded with life then!

HarlanPepper · 07/10/2022 07:41

Everyone's different surely, because everyone has different and individual personal circumstances. I know that's a bit of a boring response, but I never understand why these threads turn into a debate. People feel how they feel. The end.

CornishGem1975 · 07/10/2022 07:42

I'm surprised how many people attribute happiness to having older kids etc I had a baby at 40 (while already having teens) and it's really enhanced my life and given me more focus, and lots of fun again - which had drifted away with the lesser spotted teens!

londonrach · 07/10/2022 07:46

No, life is what you make it. Sadly my 30s were awful. Lots of moving from rented house to rented house. 40s are amazing...we finally left the rented trap and been settled, got friends and finally had DD. Love 40s.

lifeinmidthirties · 07/10/2022 07:49

Op don't forget we've had a very tough few years - I'm feeling like you and I'm mid thirties. It could be the circumstances, rather than your age?

DorritLittle · 07/10/2022 07:53

HarlanPepper · 07/10/2022 07:41

Everyone's different surely, because everyone has different and individual personal circumstances. I know that's a bit of a boring response, but I never understand why these threads turn into a debate. People feel how they feel. The end.

Agreed. My experience and timeline is irrelevant. FWIW I think you can still have adventures and feel sparkle with young kids, just keep doing and trying new things. Always have something to look forward to. Plan a day trip to a big city with them, or dinner out with some friends. Start saving for a big holiday.

TheOGCCL · 07/10/2022 08:31

Have you heard of the happiness curve?

Buzzinwithbez · 07/10/2022 08:40

CornishGem1975 · 07/10/2022 07:42

I'm surprised how many people attribute happiness to having older kids etc I had a baby at 40 (while already having teens) and it's really enhanced my life and given me more focus, and lots of fun again - which had drifted away with the lesser spotted teens!

For me it's being able to do more again. When my kids were little they were portable. We could cheer them up with an ice cream and turn around a dull day with a trip to the park to jump in the mud. They didn't need to have a say in holidays, we obviously picked things that worked well with toddlers/young children, but they were just happy to be anywhere.
Then comes the bit where the kids don't want to do the things that suit the majority of the family. It gets much harder to make plans. We had a brilliant day out to a swimming place the other week, but my 15 y/o came under duress and it took an hour before he got out of his own way and started to enjoy himself.

Then once they're older and don't have to tag along. It's a bonus and a joy when they do, but also opens up more possibilities again.

Buzzinwithbez · 07/10/2022 08:42

I can see how starting again with teenagers and a baby can give focus.
My focus is doing the things I've started to dare think about now they're getting older.
Not quite there yet, but we're just a few years off.

PierretheBear · 07/10/2022 09:08

Hated hated hated my 30s due to a mixture of failing to have babies, work being utterly consuming, huge ammounts of work related travel, and just tired of it all. Hit 40 (I'm 44 now) and life feels much better, the endless "when are you having kids?" questions stopped, and the babies never arrived, adore my DH, work is more manageable as moved up the tree slightly.
Currently undertaking a big building project, trying to move further up the corporate structure, dealing with aging parents, but it all feels much more manageable than during my 30s. I'm just a zillion times happier in my 40s than in my 30s.