Does life lose its magic in your 40’s?

[Youvegotasecretsmile]

I’m 44 and remember my 30’s as still being quite fun, I looked forward to the future, enjoyed music more, going out a little, travelling, drank more.
I dunno…the magic has gone, the romance of life, I feel more jaded and realistic

I’m thinking my life should be more magical in my 40s because my kids will be teens and I’ll be able to go out more without needing babysitters 😂 I’m actually excited for the next decade

I wonder if it’s the having small children thing?
I had DD in my mid 30s, and my late 30s felt pretty drudgery filled due to MH issues, balancing work and study and being skint.
DD is nearly 10 and the feeling of growing independence for her and me is palpable. And that’s quite exciting.
Im not as fit as I was in my 20s (which I’d like to work on) but the quality of my relationships and living a life which aligns with my values gives me a quiet sense of magic. No comparison with the drama and bad choices of my 20s!

I didn't meet dh until I was 28; before then I had had a string of crap relationships, lived alone and was fairly lonely. In my 30s we had young children and I struggled quite a lot with depression. I'm 42 now and more skint than ever but my dc are lovely, my depression is still there but not as deep as it was, and my libido has gone into overdrive. I am happier now than I was before, despite life itself being harder.

I had my child in my late 30's so still have a primary age kid at home. In that respect my life is more limited. But I have contentment that I didn't have in my 20's. Life is what you make it at any age...

@Blix What ages did you have your children?

Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

Hell yes.

My twenties I spent qualifying in my profession, building my career, buying a home, not earning as much, yes travel and nights out and freedom I didn't appreciate compared to being tied down with dc. I had friends but it was all quite superficial compared to the same friendships now (the ones that lasted) and the many friends I ditched along the way.

My thirties i got married, great, then those years were spent in a haze of sleepless nights, grumpy with my dh, exhausted, dealing with young dc, still building my career and trying to be taken seriously, working hard. Some good holidays though and my social life has been similar in my 30s and 40s because of dc.

40s so far shaping up well. Still in same home. Paid off mortgage mid 30s, career finally shaping up, the top job is in sight. Get taken seriously, still got work stress but deal better. Dc older, hard work running them to stuff but easier than when they were little.

Still feel young, definitely less physically fit as the kids have broken me!

I wouldn't want to be in my 20s or 30s now. I look at work colleagues struggling on the bottom of the career ladder and feel exhausted at how long it's going to take them to get where I am. I look at other colleagues just starting their families and am glad I am no longer dealing with that.

We are all on the same journey. It's not a competition.

I feel happy for a 30 year old colleague just getting married: pretty, stylish, glamorous honeymoon planned. So what? I've been there but I'm not going back even if I wanted to. Shes still got 14 years to grind through to get to where i am.

I look at the 23-30yo women on my team again just no way would I swap. Its rubbish being them but I don't begrudge them their fun. They don't want to be me (yet) and I don't want to be them (again).

Take a lover…

I sort of agree. My 40s morphed into my 30s and somehow seemed far less memorable on average. I think it depends a lot on how exciting and free life is. 25-35 is undoubtedly a great age if you're child free. In my life it certainly feels like the start and end of phases is the midpoint of the decades.

I'm new and wasn't brave enough to write that

Hmm I'm 46, divorced, have remained single 😞 and 3 kids, all secondary age and above.
I feel like I'm still treading water. I can't afford holidays but my children have a great home and are loved.
Gotta look on the bright side I guess. I'm inching towards thriving slowly but surely.

In hindsight Peri menopause hit me years ago but only just starting HRT and it's helping. I go to the gym, have a lot of friends and good physical health (despite my large weight)

So, the life stage thing does carry more weight than age per se... here's hoping I get a better turn out if life in my fifties 🤞

I had THE best time in my 30’s but 40’s a but flat! Although I 100% put it down to peri menopause. Think once this stage is over, I’ll return to my fun-loving self!

God no. I got divorced at 40, I’m 49 now & it’s been my best decade yet.

I have definitely thrived in my 40s so far. Had my much-longer-for second DC, bought my first house, retrained for a new career, lost 5st and felt a lot more confident. I am tired but can't believe my luck most days. I am definitely happier than in my 20s.

My 30s feel like my 'lost decade' as although I had a couple of great jobs and my wonderful DC1 during that time, I had to deal with MH issues and secondary infertility.

Problems don’t go away unfortunately. There are health issues to contend with often as you get older. I think the key is to try to get to a place of contentment with your life despite the problems that often seem to come. I know it’s a cliche but try to think about the good things in your life and dwell on them. It helps your perception of your lot in life

I'm 47 and perimenopausal. I know what you mean - life was more exciting in my teens, 20s and 30s. I partied hard I was very sociable and I travelled a lot. However now I just feel more content with a fairly quiet life. I couldn't handle the social life I used to have. I just don't have the desire or the same social energy I used to have. I still go out now and then but it's usually quite time and I'm happy with it. I still see a lot of magic in life but often feel quite flat and lethargic.

I can't remember life having any 'magic' since I was about 19! Childhood was fun, teenage years felt full of potential and everything was exciting. 30 now and my twenties have just been a slog of trying to earn an OK wage and find some semblance of financial security. My desires have been put on hold.

I'm 46 with DC 8 and 10 and ageing parents.

Pros

I am less tired than when the DC were younger
Kids getting more independent
Slightly more money to spend on myself
Work is good and stable

Cons

So much more stress in life, partly from kids (problems eg friendship, and DD has ASD) more complex as they grow up but also we both have ageing parents. All are in their 80s and not local, with varied medical issues. MiL has full blown dementia and now DM is showing signs, and has also lost most of her vision. FiL has heart problems and DF not bad physically but prone to depression and not coping with being a carer for my DM. I think the next few years will be tough for this reason.

So I worry about the kids and my parents and also myself as I am overweight and this could cause problems as I age myself.

Feeling very stretched - want to spend time with the DC while they still enjoy it, but also want to see my DP often and help when I can while they are still around.

My 20s was more dramatic but overall lots of fun and adventure - I lived abroad in several countries and made lots of wonderful friends and learnt a lot. I'll never go back to those days but I miss the lack of responsibility and so much travel! I still have fantastic friends but not the time to spend with them.

My 40s were awful. Stereotypical sandwich of caring for kids and Seniors, health problems of my own and running a business. Although I miss my parents dreadfully, I was staggering with exhaustion by the time my Mum died when I was 49. My 50s, on the other hand, have been lovely. I even shoehorned the menopause into my 40s, so yay, now I'm having a ball.

Hi yes I feel like you too, I also have 2 young DC so it does feel relentless at times and I reminiscence of when we were travelling and going out and drinking etc. Now I can't drink as much as I would like, going out socially I can't be bothered with as permanently knackered. I'm pretty sure as they get older we will grt our life back, I'll probably be in mid 50s by the time that happens though.

Genuinely, no. In my twenties I was very slim, pretty and worked in a glamorous industry but I was also painfully broke as the work was erratic and the pay often bad. I had no partner as the work involved a lot of travel so I was never around long enough to meet anyone.

Then I had DC who I love, but one was ill and in and out of hospital. We existed on so little sleep I couldn't think properly. DH lost his job, parents got ill and I had to care for them. Zero time for myself.

Now finally in my fifties, the mortgage is paid off, DC are grown, my work (different job) is well paid and enjoyable, part-time. Free time to do fitness classes, go away for weekends and on some incredible holidays, money to go to shows, gigs, theatre, which I missed so much when DC were young and too challenging to have a baby sitter, and we had no money anyway.

I love my life now. Feels like for the first time, it is balanced.

Had DD1 at 25 and DD2 at 29. Im 46. DD1 at uni aged 21 and DD2 is 17 going to uni next year hopefully. Did cruise this year for our 25th anniversary. Will definitely be doing a lot more travelling now they are older. And we get chance to do date nights just us two.

I didn't do enough traveling in my 20s. Was a mum by 27 when I thought I'd done everything I wanted to do as a childless woman.
It's a slog at the moment. I have teenagers that are almost as demanding, though in a different way to when they were toddlers. But, me and dh are managing the odd night out again now. We thought we'd have managed a night away by now but our middle one is having a tough time.
I can see the point where it all gets very much better though and I have time to dream and plan now.
I went on a very magical trip earlier in the year. Something I'd never have imagined doing that wasn't even on my radar when I was younger and seems really quite bonkers for a middle aged woman, but I did it, while dh held the fort at home and I want to do a lot more as it was amazing!

I'm 40 and I feel like this too.

The only difference I notice in my 40s is that I now keep my glasses on when I have sex 😂.

@Grandeur

Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

God yeah. My 40s were so much better than my 20s. Because finally I know who I am and I am no longer falling over myself trying to keep other people happy. And I have my daughter, my own money and my job and friends and am no longer endlessly being told what to do by a man.

Aside from the higher physical stamina youth is so over-rated.