Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does life lose its magic in your 40’s?

141 replies

Youvegotasecretsmile · 06/10/2022 15:02

I’m 44 and remember my 30’s as still being quite fun, I looked forward to the future, enjoyed music more, going out a little, travelling, drank more.
I dunno…the magic has gone, the romance of life, I feel more jaded and realistic

OP posts:
Dotjones · 06/10/2022 15:37

I'm early 40s and life has never really had any "magic" to speak of. Maybe a brief period around 24/25 when I at least felt I was progressing in life but otherwise nothing. Just one period of misery followed by another. Not sure if that means it'll get even worse, or maybe just I haven't got as far to fall?

MintJulia · 06/10/2022 15:44

For me, no. I had my DS in my 40s. Things have been very lively ever since. 😊

Oblomov22 · 06/10/2022 15:47

Depends how old your dc are. Mine were teens so I was out with Dh, out with the girls for a curry or a long weekend abroad. Job easier, no childcare. Increased pension contribution. All good.

sageandrosemary · 06/10/2022 15:49

I think it depends where you're at in life.

I'm 30 and have two young DC were as most of my friend group have well-paid jobs, are still living in the city and are travelling a lot.

I certainly feel like my life has lost any 'magic' it once had right.

notacooldad · 06/10/2022 15:51

I di t feel that way OP.
I've not had a bad decade yet.
Sure I've been tired and skint at times but I've always had something to look forward to.

LooksBetterWithAFaceMask · 06/10/2022 15:53

I am definitely much happier than I was in my 20’s. I don’t necessarily think what you are feeling is because you’re in your 49’s more because you are in the throes of young children.
I started my family in my mid 20’s oldest is 19, youngest is 12 they are more independent now dh and I have a bit more freedom to go out for meals again.

Strokethefurrywall · 06/10/2022 16:02

I do wonder if the people who come out with the line "Life begins in your 40s/50s" are just trying to compensate for the fact that they're aging. Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

I turned 43 yesterday and I can hand on heart say I'm happier than in my 20s!!

I'm very fucking grateful to be aging having watched my brother die at the tender age of 28.

The way I see it is that I traveled the world alone in my 20s, having amazing adventures.
My 30s were for marriage, mortgage and babies, a different kind of adventure.
I hit 40 and was once again excited to be able to start doing all the things that excited me in my 20s and now I have more money to do them. My kids are 11 and 8 now, so more independent.

Of course, not everyone is in the position to pick up all the things they did in their 20s, nor may they want to.

But I'm infinitely happier in my 40s. I'm more confident, I don't give a shit what people think of me, I get to say no to stuff I don't want to do and can do the things I do want to do.

My zest for life has returned after the weight of responsibility and life admin I felt in my 30s with little kids.

I definitely wouldn't say life begins at 40 or 50 because it's trite, but it doesn't mean you should stop dreaming and accept what your life is at that point.

Slimjimtobe · 06/10/2022 16:03

I’m 44 and had felt this way for a good while (not really Covid related but kids being young and not being where I wanted to be at)

past couple of weeks I have lost a stone and joined some evening classes. Taken up an old hobby that I love and have planned holidays

I feel better. Make some goals is what I say (though I do empathise)

BitOutOfPractice · 06/10/2022 16:04

God I had a BALL in my 40s. Just thinking about it now gives me a nostalgic twinge

ddl1 · 06/10/2022 16:04

I never found my life magical or full of romance- not that it was terrible either, but there isn't a time that I look back to as magical. Various health issues are a pain, but I had lots of health issues when I was younger, too.

madasawethen · 06/10/2022 16:11

Life had a definite lull mostly due to the covid years but now ready to pick things back up.

I'm a little nostalgic for days of blissful romance and hot sex, but since menopause, I can't really stand men anymore or the disappointment if they're crap in bed, so I don't bother.

I'm moving to another country next week so I'm ready for anything!

DappledThings · 06/10/2022 16:15

I do wonder if the people who come out with the line "Life begins in your 40s/50s" are just trying to compensate for the fact that they're aging. Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

I turned 43 yesterday and I can hand on heart say I'm happier than in my 20s!!

Absolutely. I'm 43 as well. My 20s were mostly drinking too much and having some really good times but a mess of insecurity and friendships I stuffed up because of it. 30s way better, 40s going the same way. I'm happier in myself with every year that goes past.

Thecat19342 · 06/10/2022 16:15

I feel like the but I'm hitting my mid 30s - I "settled down" early in my twenties - got engaged, married and had 3 dc before turning 30, so my 20s were a whirlwind of celebrations (alongside stress of some redundancies) and quite a lot of exciting milestones.

Everything now feels quite bland & drudgery- kids, school runs, work, paying bills, juggling money no time for myself or my husband...Im hoping that my forties brings holidays, hobbies and carving time to find out who I am after a couple of decades being mum. That said sometimes I wish I took the slower road and had started my family now - I'm a little envious of friends having honeymoons & babies!

Escarpahell · 06/10/2022 16:15

Hell, no! I had four years of the most amazing sex in my 40's. Think I'm still recovering...

Northernsoullover · 06/10/2022 16:17

I can truthfully say I am happier at 50 than I was at 30. I've had the best year of my life. I've done so much. That said I went to university in my mid 40s and got my first career type job at 49 so perhaps I'm just achieving what a lot of people already had at an earlier age.
I go out twice a month but nothing wild. I gave up alcohol a few years ago and that's improved my mental health. I've also sworn off men which has also brought me happiness. Things are good.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 06/10/2022 16:18

I'm definitely happier now than my 20s. I lost most of those numbing the aftermath of a traumatic event. That said happiness is relative. I'm 45 now, youngest child is 4. I'm busy, we go out/away a lot but I wouldn't say I'm happy.

Blix · 06/10/2022 16:19

Met DH at 19 and my 20s and 30s were fun, lots of travel and going out.

My 40s though were magic. I had two babies, it was like a whole new life began at 40.

RampantIvy · 06/10/2022 16:19

I had a baby at 41. The magic had only just started.

GottaGetOutofDairy · 06/10/2022 16:21

Can they truthfully say they're happier now than in their 20s?

Yes, I think so.

I mean, I'd be even happier with this brain inside my 25 year old body Grin

But this is the next best thing and much better this than my 25 year old brain inside my 40s body!

Echobelly · 06/10/2022 16:22

I'm loving getting to a stage where we're not bound by childcare, where I can afford theatre tickets (for the time being) and start thinking about doing more voluntary stuff now that we don't need babysitting every moment, so my doing it doesn't have to restrict DH's choices.

Yes it's different from 30s, but I expected that.

BigFatLiar · 06/10/2022 16:28

I think you have to work at it to see the magic. Every age had its own special magic. Babies were amazing, toddlers so much fun. Primary school and secondary brought challenges, but seeing the girls grow and learn brought it's own magic. They've left home and have their own families now so there's just the two off us and he's still my best friend. We wander off looking for new things to enjoy, we're currently visiting seaside towns, walking the proms and piers (his idea). The magic is what you make it whatever age you are.

OrangeBananaFish · 06/10/2022 16:33

I'm 43. Wish I was 23 TBH. Then again I'm not really enjoying life ATM. I am longing for a big life change. I am yearning for adventure. Trouble is I don't know where to look for it.

Right now my 2 DDs are shouting and screaming at each other.

I'm just as skint as my 20's so while my DCs are 17, 14 and 10 so they are becoming more independent and able to be left I can't afford to do anything. I'm stuck in a boring job that I never planned on doing ever. Its just that I've been plodding along for so long now that I can't get on anywhere else (everybody wants experience) I can't afford to retrain and too tired to take on a second job for the experience.

I just feel like this is it. This is my life for another 15-20 years.

I enjoy running though so concentrate on that and look forward to various events and races I can get to.

OhAmBackAgain · 06/10/2022 16:36

44 here and loving life again. but that's because I can be me again dc uni age now. I suspect its because you are still in the responsible parent stage, which is quick frankly fucking draining.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/10/2022 16:38

My life took off in my forties. Kids old enough that im free. Divorced so free. Financially fine. Im like a teeenager dating again, only with far better boundaries and communication skills!

Squirrelsnut · 06/10/2022 16:41

I think it's entirely subjective, OP. Massively depends where you are in life'