Hubby booked holiday without our baby

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My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home.
How would you feel if your other half did this?
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?
I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

Yes me too!

We went skiing and left both DS and DD when they were that age. They had a great time with Grandma and from our point of view it was a chance to spend quality time together.

YANBU to be a bit annoyed. I guess your DH had good intentions, it is a bit surprising/short-sighted that he did not foresee this problem but I wouldn't read anything malicious into it.

Will having the trip on the horizon stress you out, even though it is a long way away? If so I would explain this to your husband and suggest that he rearrange to something the thought of which doesn't stress you out, such as something suitable for your DS to come along, or a day trip or shorter trip.

it is a long way away which means you don’t know if baby will be clingy or ok with being left.
its a long time to worry about it as well. I’d just ask him to cancel whilst you can get your money back and book something nearer the time that fits how baby is and how you feel without the pressure hanging over

Can you ask to postpone it to the following year? And have one night away instead?

I struggled with leaving my kids and still do, the younger one is 18 months. The only time I've spent away from my eldest is when I was having her brother and when her brother was poorly. I took comfort in know she was with her dad and that got me through it.

Some people are happy to holiday without the kids and some aren't and that's completely okay!

I have a 15 month old DD now. Not a hope she'd be ok for 4 nights/5 days of both of us gone, whatever about one or the other. YANBU.

But also: it would irk me no end that the decision to leave LO was made for me and not consulting me first.

Mine wouldn't have done this because we don't have any grandparent support and we don't leave our children overnight. He hasn't done a bad thing though, baby will be older, most likely eating solids, walking and sleeping through so providing grandparents are willing it shouldn't be too much of an inconvenience. Also if you have childcare support from them already it might not seem like such a leap. I have only left my 1 year old with my mil for a few hours whilst I was at panto last year so for me it wouldn't be the kind of holiday I would enjoy.

Same here.

A day, possibly a weekend.

But then he wouldn't have wanted to be away from the kids that long either.

Your DH was coming from a good place and planned something for just the two of you on your anniversary. 15 months is absolutely fine to leave your dc with grandparents for such a short length of time. Your child will not be emotionally scarred or remember the period they were left with their grandparents. You only have to read on here about marriages breaking up to see that, just sometimes, it’s good to make time for each other. You’re thinking about now, and obviously 5 months old is totally different to leaving a 15 month old.

As a PP pointed out it doesn't matter how many MNers may jump to say they'd go, the fact is that you don't want to leave your DC yet. And he should know that and have taken it into account. For him to get huffy and say that it's impossible to bring DC along - I'd be very annoyed tbh. I'd think him and his parents had planned it with no consideration for me or my baby.
Because this 'holiday' now becomes about you having to leave your baby with GPs for a week so it creates an assumption you're going to have to build up to that. It's prioritised your DH and his DPs.
It's early enough to cancel. I'd do that and book somewhere that your baby can come along. Then there's no pressure and you can decide closer to the time.

Why is he coming from a good place?

To assume that Op wants to holiday with just him & not as a family?

I hope she does !
he shouldn’t need to engineer situations without their small child to entice her to do it then should he 🙄

people on this thread are the ones who are making up shit like how he is expecting a week of sex.

He really can’t win

He could have won.

Things he could have done differently that would have been lovely.

1. Asked whether she thought she’d be happy to leave the baby for 5 days at 15 months because if so he wanted to book a little surprise for their anniversary. If not they’d do something all together.
2. Had fishing chats about how nice it would be to get away the two of them when the baby is older and book a surprise on the lines of what he gleans from it: five days abroad just adults; two day City break just adults not too far away; something including their baby.
3. Book a surprise for two having confirmed that he could amend the booking to include a baby on lap and travel cot in room until X date, then tell her his plans and reassure her there’s still the option to bring the baby if she’d prefer.

Instead he’s not sounded her out, not consulted her, and has booked something far away that in some way makes it particularly difficult to add the baby; we assume an adults only hotel/ a boat/ an activity holiday? I mean there are more options that include the possibility of babies than preclude them. Babies aren’t banned from boutique hotels, luxury hotels, hostels or most rentals. They’ve even been spotted in cities.

Also not wanting to go abroad without your 15 month old is not a reliable predictor of not leaving them for the next 29 years. My friend’s 16 month old (adjusted for prematurity) is incredibly attached to her mum at the moment and struggles pitifully when she is out of sight. It won’t last forever but just now it would be really traumatic if she vanished for 5 days. My DD1 was much less clingy at that age but at 5 months you don’t know. I didn’t leave DD1 overnight until she was rising three I think, and I was only 3 hours drive away maximum. By the time she was five or six she spent time overnight with both sets of grandparents, but by then she had the cognitive capacity to understand we would be coming back and had a sense of time and days. She could also talk to us on the phone if she needed to.

That's really unthoughtful. I expect it comes from a childish jealousy that the baby means he is now getting less of your attention and he wsnts to recapture the honeymoon pre-baby vibe.

But a lot of 15mo little ones are really clingy and are just not ready for such a long time away from their main care givers. Some are fine obviously and some families have no choices if the mum has to travel for work, but exoecting this for a fun holiday isn't good.

For your baby to be ok, you would need to spend several months in the run-up to the holiday gradually building up the time spent with the grandparents until they can so overnights. But even then it moght not work.

I have a 15 month old niece who knows and loves me and I babysit occasionally as do other family members. She still doesn't quite sleep through and tends to wake at around 10pm. If mum is around she will resettle after 20 minutes or so and sleep the rest of the night. If no mum, she will stay awake for hours if necessary until mum appears, not upset at first but gradually more so as time passes. The idea of her being left for a whole night is unthinkable at the moment, let alone 4!

Yy exactly. He hasn't thought about OP's wishes, the baby's development stage or even whether OP would want GPs watching their DC. We didn't let our GP watch DC for a number of reasons.

He hasn't "refused to change it" he has said there is a reason they can't just add the baby to the booking.

Of course your DH has massively overstepped and absolutely he should have discussed it with you before booking. I hate it if mine did that, nothing to do with leaving the kids, I just can’t stand surprises and in a healthy relationship when a lot of money is being spent or anything childcare related is being decided then it should always be discussed first. No wonder you feel pressured and pissed off. That said, if the GPs are trustworthy and capable of taking it on and providing he disclosed all the details of the trip, how easy it is to get home at short notice would be factor, then I’d probably still go, after reading him the riot act of course. I’m hugely in favour of kid free holidays as long as childcare can be relied upon and it’s not some daft destination that’s 2 international flight and a sea plane away! You have ages to build up to it too and get LO used to staying with GPs.

LOL all these comments about hubby being jealous and wanting to sneak wifey away from baby and pretend they don’t exist so he can get his leg over. Bit of a stretch 😂

He just didn’t think it through!

@LightDrizzle and if he'd have done all or any of those things we'd have complaints about how men never think for themselves and put the mental load on to women

You might feel very different in 10 months time. Can you ask him to change it so it's only 2 nights away? We had 2 or 3 nights away from DS when he was about that age and it was fine.

15 months isn't that young. I don't think he was unreasomable to think it'd be ok for 5 days, assuming you both trust the care of the grandparents.

I’d just tell him that you’re sorry, and you do realise he doesn’t understand, but the thought of leaving your baby - who will still be just a baby - really upsets you.,

I know some people aren’t bothered, but I couldn’t have left mine at that age - not for more than a few hours anyway.

I used to know someone who left her 4 week old with her parents and went on holiday with her dh for a month 😱. Different culture though.

If he won’t be b/f by then, how about just a night away, dinner, bed - with lie-in - and breakfast in a nice nearby hotel? We babysat this for dd and SiL when Gdc1 was still very little but was well used to us and would take a bottle.

I wouldn’t go on holiday without DS but I know plenty of people who would. Don’t understand it myself.

I imagine he's sulky because he wanted all your attention to be on him, not baby, and is grumpy because you weren't excited at the prospect of this.