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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

be honest, if you and partner/dh were offered 5 million each to seperate...

338 replies

cutthelawn · 05/10/2022 21:35

Basically you can have all the custody of the kids if you want but you must separate permanently from your oh and you are both given 5 million each to start again would you do it>?

OP posts:
CactusBlossom · 07/10/2022 01:24

No way! Not for any amount of money.

DinosaurOfFire · 07/10/2022 01:53

I would have to say no. I've lived in poverty, the kind where my mum sat in darkness in the evenings to save money and we didn't have the heating on, eating yellow sticker food, wearing hand me downs. And what that taught me, and what my mum impressed upon me, is that actually, while money makes things easier, what ACTUALLY matters are good people around you, and being with the people you love. Plus when we married, I vowed to be his wife whether rich or poor. So I would keep my rather lovely DH and you can keep your money. My answer would be the same if we were living the way I grew up, which thankfully we aren't.

Booklover3 · 07/10/2022 02:10

Yes… but we are going through a rough patch. He would probably say yes right now too!

Original poster
cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:22

Also I was never putting anyone down for their decision so why are you coming after me in particular about that kind of thing

I never said you did put anybody down. I said myself I never experienced povertry so truly can't understand it and how it effects you, I was simply asking you could you understand it? I can't so I was genuinely interested as I never lived through poverty.

Your question was not right. I found it extremely offensive and unrelated to the main conversation at hand

You seem a bit oversensitive to be offended by it,I was simply looking at the bigger picture and seeing would people who experienced poverty go through with it. There was no right or wrong answer, I was just interested in discussion.

I said myself I'd have choosen my partner over the cash but I still acknowledged with this that I'd never lived through poverty or had kids so just wanted to see different perceptions. There was no 'trap question', I was making an open discussion and really you have looked at it all wrong and blown this all out of context. I asked others too.

OP posts:
NeedWineNow · 07/10/2022 10:01

Not on your life. No amount of money would ever match what I have with DH. We're not rolling in it, and as we've both retired we're watching the pennies at bit more than we used to, but I'd still have that rather than millions on my own,.

Now if someone popped up and gave us a couple of million to stay together we wouldn't turn it down!

DaughterofDawn · 07/10/2022 12:06

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 09:22

Also I was never putting anyone down for their decision so why are you coming after me in particular about that kind of thing

I never said you did put anybody down. I said myself I never experienced povertry so truly can't understand it and how it effects you, I was simply asking you could you understand it? I can't so I was genuinely interested as I never lived through poverty.

Your question was not right. I found it extremely offensive and unrelated to the main conversation at hand

You seem a bit oversensitive to be offended by it,I was simply looking at the bigger picture and seeing would people who experienced poverty go through with it. There was no right or wrong answer, I was just interested in discussion.

I said myself I'd have choosen my partner over the cash but I still acknowledged with this that I'd never lived through poverty or had kids so just wanted to see different perceptions. There was no 'trap question', I was making an open discussion and really you have looked at it all wrong and blown this all out of context. I asked others too.

Well I don't care what your "reasons" are or if you think I'm being overly sensitive which is totally gaslighting me by the way. The question was very personal and you had no right to ask.

Original poster
cutthelawn · 08/10/2022 08:53

Well I don't care what your "reasons" are or if you think I'm being overly sensitive which is totally gaslighting me by the way. The question was very personal and you had no right to ask

no it wasn't and you need to seriously need to get a life if you get so worked up over such a trivial question on an internet forum from strangers...

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 08/10/2022 08:56

@cutthelawn you don't understand what gaslighting is, please don't minimise a form of abuse.

Original poster
cutthelawn · 08/10/2022 09:15

you don't understand what gaslighting is, please don't minimise a form of abuse

asking have you ever lived in poverty is an offensibve question on mn? And if I dispute that it's offensive it's abuse?

Ok then because I am disagreeing with you now I suppose I'm alsp gaslighting you. I understand exactly what gaslighting is but I also understand how on mn people use 'gaslighting', 'financial abuse' and 'sexist' etc whenever people don't tiptoe around them or challenge them in any form. What I did was neither offensive or gaslighting.

I simply asked a question based on finances on a thread with the same theme and she blew it out of proportion. It's on an anonymous internet forum which is the point of internet anaymous forums. If she didn't want to participate move on.

OP posts:
DamnUserName21 · 08/10/2022 10:50

Yes

Lululeman · 20/02/2023 21:38

readwritelove · 05/10/2022 21:41

Would we be allowed to meet up for a bunk up?

Probably not. But you’d never be short of other lovely men who’d be only too happy to oblige (as long as you pay for their taxi home)

Warrensrabbit · 20/02/2023 21:40

I’d give you change from a twenty

Stompythedinosaur · 20/02/2023 22:05

No, I wouldn't.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 20/02/2023 22:53

No way, I'd be so heartbroken without him.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 20/02/2023 22:54

No
And honestly, I've surprised myself there lol
But I wouldn't enjoy the money without him.

CrunchyCarrot · 20/02/2023 23:04

No, never.

ExtraJalapenos · 20/02/2023 23:05

Good god no.

namechangetheworld · 20/02/2023 23:09

Christ yes, in a heartbeat. Happily married but that money would secure our children's future financially, and there are plenty more DH's in the sea should I get lonely (athough I don't think I would!)
I must be a robot because I find grown women proclaiming they couldn't survive without their partner a bit weird.

Sleeptightnightlight · 20/02/2023 23:17

namechangetheworld · 20/02/2023 23:09

Christ yes, in a heartbeat. Happily married but that money would secure our children's future financially, and there are plenty more DH's in the sea should I get lonely (athough I don't think I would!)
I must be a robot because I find grown women proclaiming they couldn't survive without their partner a bit weird.

You're not alone. I love DH but I imagine we would both want to do this for the sake of our kids.

LittleMousewithcloggson · 20/02/2023 23:22

I would do it for 1 million
No doubts at all

Fairylightsandstuff · 20/02/2023 23:26

No way.

I’ve had money before, over half of that amount, before I met dh and honestly money does not buy you happiness. It brings security and freedom but you can’t buy love, health or fertility.

IrritableCowSyndrome · 20/02/2023 23:33

I'd do it for a tenner.

(only joking)!

heyyouitsme · 20/02/2023 23:36

Nope

OoooohMatron · 20/02/2023 23:36

Depends if he was being a bellend at the time of being offered.

DoubleShotEspresso · 20/02/2023 23:40

No way noooo