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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

be honest, if you and partner/dh were offered 5 million each to seperate...

338 replies

cutthelawn · 05/10/2022 21:35

Basically you can have all the custody of the kids if you want but you must separate permanently from your oh and you are both given 5 million each to start again would you do it>?

OP posts:
TimeToGoUpAGear · 06/10/2022 08:23

No

housemaus · 06/10/2022 08:51

No (and we've been dirt poor, 'sitting in the dark under a blanket cos there was no money in the meter' poor, together and I'd have said no then too).

Find it quite depressing so many people have said yes tbh!

Thehop · 06/10/2022 08:55

Nope.

rhowton · 06/10/2022 08:58

Absolutely!! I would happily do it.

JJsdadisatwat · 06/10/2022 10:02

Yup. Wouldn’t even question it.

I love him but the older I get the more i realise that the security money brings is worth more. Might be sad or shocking to some, but it’s the reality of my life.

Two of the things that are driving me towards a breakdown now could be immediately stopped with 5 million pounds.

Love can’t.

Original poster
cutthelawn · 06/10/2022 10:09

Thing is, you’re fucked as soon as the question is asked. How would you ever avoid “I gave up 5 million quid for THIS??!” every time he pisses you off or you have an argument. Which obviously would be wrong. And then you’re putting a monetary value on things….and then you get an inheritance….or you make amazing unforeseen career moves

most people though don't get life changing inheritances anywhere near 5 million though and if any of us we usually tend to know it's coming. It's highly rare a life changing surprise inheritance comes our way. That any even with unforseen career moves that is again rare for most people and there are few who hit the big salaries and never seen it coming.

Those who do hit big paychecks are usually a driven type so it's not a major surprise. That and if you earn big you will bloody well work for it and it be stressful, it's very different to 5 million just being handed to you.

OP posts:
Original poster
cutthelawn · 06/10/2022 10:13

We have never been well off with money but we've always managed to push through hard times because we love each other

were your 'hard times' poverty though and not being able to feed your child and baliffs turning up at the door?

OP posts:
DeepDown12 · 06/10/2022 10:18

No, I wouldn't do that to DD and I would miss him as well. I'd rather we earn our own money, even if we never come anywhere near 5m.

monkeyupsidedown · 06/10/2022 10:21

No. We're doing good financially (although far from having millions), so it wouldn't feel as being much more financially secure. Breaking up would mean that I do lose the person who cares for me when I'm sick, helps with bringing up our child and helps around the house and helps figuring out life admin and technology stuff. You could pay people to do the same but they would do it for the money and not with my best interest at heart.

So no, I would be worse off in other ways.

DaughterofDawn · 06/10/2022 13:57

cutthelawn · 06/10/2022 10:13

We have never been well off with money but we've always managed to push through hard times because we love each other

were your 'hard times' poverty though and not being able to feed your child and baliffs turning up at the door?

Now why would you ask something like that hm?

Pumpkinsbeinghitbyfallingapples · 06/10/2022 15:00

No, but then I am comfortable (not rich, poor by MN standards but comfortable) and have no children

I can absolutely see how for people who are in a position of having to choose whether to feed their children or heat their house why this would be something they would go for.

Also I can totally see where if someone in the family, you your parter your children, have a health condition you cannot afford to treat, something like this you would go for.

I guess for me its frustrating/distressing/depressing that there might even be people in rich countries like the UK and US where they could potentially do this not through greed but through desperation or the chance to escape poverty and to improve their childrens lives if this were a real thing.

Happyplant · 06/10/2022 15:23

Yes no hesitation, my adult children are struggling financially, it would solve a lot of problems.

Sapphire387 · 06/10/2022 15:40

No, I wouldn't.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/10/2022 15:54

Hell yeah. No man in the world is worth that much money.

Wheredoallthepensgo · 06/10/2022 19:06

I replied earlier saying yes and reading the replies I do think age makes a difference, especially ages of children.

Mine are teens and nearly "ready to launch" so this is part of my thinking. If you'd asked this question 10-12 years ago when in the midst of toddler wrangling and needing more support plus the child developing their own relationship with their father of course, my reply might have been different.

Mimilamore · 06/10/2022 19:21

Yes... we could go and lead the lives we really want, especially if we could stay in touch..,

MysteriousMonkey · 06/10/2022 19:22

I'd love that money but DH is irreplaceable so no, there would be no point to the money without DH

aDayattheLido · 06/10/2022 19:48

OP - what would you do?

Theeyeballsinthesky · 06/10/2022 19:51

Nope

not in a million years

not for all the money in the world

to me he’s irreplaceable

Doowop1919 · 06/10/2022 19:56

Honestly no. Cause I still love him, he's one of my best friends and it would devastate our son. Money isn't worth ruining three lives!

LetMeSpeak · 06/10/2022 20:02

I love DH but yes I would take the money. Purely because if the kids. 5 million would be ridiculous not to take. .

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 06/10/2022 20:18

parietal · 05/10/2022 21:40

nope. why would I want to be rich and miserable?

I wouldn't be miserable with 5 million 😂
I'd just date him secretly ha ha ha

Original poster
cutthelawn · 06/10/2022 22:37

Now why would you ask something like that hm

because I think it's easier to disregard the significance of money when you have never lived through hard financial times.

OP posts:
Original poster
cutthelawn · 06/10/2022 22:40

OP - what would you do

I am single and childless and only ever loved 1 man, he dumped me but honestly with him I'd have chosen him a million times over the money as Ioved him more than anything. But having said that, I never lived through poverty or had kids and it was young love. Time with him could have easily eroded that love.

OP posts:
DaughterofDawn · 07/10/2022 01:17

cutthelawn · 06/10/2022 22:37

Now why would you ask something like that hm

because I think it's easier to disregard the significance of money when you have never lived through hard financial times.

Frankly it sounded like a trap question. If I say yes then I'm a bad mom who can't support her family. If I say no then I can't appreciate the struggles of poor working people. Regardless I'm not answering it.

The point of the thread didn't seem to have anything to do with whether or not we've struggled enough or whether or not we're good parents who can or cannot feed our children. It was a simple would you or would you not give up a life with your spouse for money? So I think your question was really rude and not appropriate.

Also I was never putting anyone down for their decision so why are you coming after me in particular about that kind of thing?

Your question was not right. I found it extremely offensive and unrelated to the main conversation at hand.