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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For blocking the guy I’m seeing because he didn’t show up to my party?

303 replies

allura · 05/10/2022 12:21

The guy I’m seeing is part of the same friendship group as me, I’ve known him for nearly 2 years, we all met in uni (we were all “mature” students in our late 20s at the time)

I got a promotion and will be moving to a new city (literally the next one over from us right now) so my friends threw me a “good luck” party. This was discussed in the friendship group maybe 2 months before it happened.

I have been seeing Jamie (not real name) for a year, we’ve discussed continuing our relationship/situationship when I move away as it’s only slightly further away.

He has shift work so I asked him a month in advance if he was coming, he said he’d change his shift and definitely be there. We spoke about it up until the day before. He dropped me back home after me staying at his and said “see you tomorrow”.

the next day he didn’t get in touch as normal, but I didn’t think too much of it. I eventually rang him at 3pm to ask what his plans were. He didn’t answer and just text me saying “just text me I’m helping a friend decorate his new flat”. So I just text asking what time he was getting to mine so we could arrive at the party together. He didn’t get back to until 5pm saying he was dropping off his friend at his girlfriends and needed to get a shower, drop something at his sisters etc…

wed had this planned for months that he would arrive at mine at 5, we’d have some drinks together and then go to the party at 7.

at 6 he text me saying can he bring his friend because his girlfriend had cancelled. I said no - this was a gathering of like 7 uni friends! I think I was a bit unreasonable about that, but it felt so childish he needed a friend there, when I was there? Like he was nervous? He said he couldn’t stay at my place after because he needed to drop his friend off to his flat.

anyway, he never got back to me, so I went to the gathering on my own. All my friend were asking where he was and told me he was an idiot and that it was hurtful.

When I’d had too much to drink I just text him saying it was hurtful he didn’t come. He text back “I thought it might be awkward if I just turned up”

I was so hurt I just blocked him.

I move next week and still haven’t spoken to him at all.

was I unreasonable??

OP posts:
Original poster
allura · 05/10/2022 16:31

Bramshott · 05/10/2022 16:10

It depends what you want to happen now.

If this was the final straw, the relationship is over, you never want to see him again and are looking forward to your move and starting a new life then YANBU of course - you're welcome to cut anyone out of your life if they don't add anything to it and you want to move on.

But if you're blocking him because you want him to apologise, find another way to contact you, and continue the relationship then it seems a bit like a teenager throwing a tantrum.

I feel guilty for blocking, but yes I consider it the complete end of the relationship. I don’t want to speak to him again. I just feel childish. It’s not been the first time he’s been insensitive

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 05/10/2022 16:37

Is blocking really common? So many people seem to do it on Mumsnet for the pettiest of reasons.

ghosthunter2022 · 05/10/2022 16:40

Not RTFT but why the heck did you need a good luck party thrown for you if you were just taking a job in the next town over? 😂 you sound really high maintenance.

surely just casual drinks or something to celebrate would have been better than anyone could have come at anytime - you sound really demanding and controlling to say you needed it be at X time so you could arrive together and he couldn’t bring a friend etc. who cares??

Original poster
allura · 05/10/2022 16:41

ghosthunter2022 · 05/10/2022 16:40

Not RTFT but why the heck did you need a good luck party thrown for you if you were just taking a job in the next town over? 😂 you sound really high maintenance.

surely just casual drinks or something to celebrate would have been better than anyone could have come at anytime - you sound really demanding and controlling to say you needed it be at X time so you could arrive together and he couldn’t bring a friend etc. who cares??

As if I organised it myself 😂 my friends wanted to do it because I got a good promotion.

maybe if you did read the thread you’d see HE organised the time he was getting to mine etc.

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 05/10/2022 16:46

Nah. YANBU.

he sounds immature

Piglet89 · 05/10/2022 16:51

I’m afraid, OP, that it sounds like he’s not as into you as you are him. I’d have just gone ahead and gone to the party and let him do the running about arrangements. If you didn’t hear from him, there’s your answer.

Your text about the pal turning up without an invitation was hugely passive aggressive.

Subsequent texts about who’s staying at whose place and the “no to both” suggests he’s just not that interested. I’d cut your losses.

Original poster
allura · 05/10/2022 16:54

Piglet89 · 05/10/2022 16:51

I’m afraid, OP, that it sounds like he’s not as into you as you are him. I’d have just gone ahead and gone to the party and let him do the running about arrangements. If you didn’t hear from him, there’s your answer.

Your text about the pal turning up without an invitation was hugely passive aggressive.

Subsequent texts about who’s staying at whose place and the “no to both” suggests he’s just not that interested. I’d cut your losses.

I think that’s why I felt so humiliated, obviously he’s not interested. It’s a complete 180 from the day (and months) before though. Guess I just have to accept it and move on. And maybe not be so childish with blocking again

OP posts:
Piglet89 · 05/10/2022 16:56

Don’t be hard on yourself: I have blocked only one person in my life but felt it was really warranted as she was an absolute bitch to me. I don’t think it’s always completely immature as PPs have said.

You’re so lucky to have lovely friends who threw you a party and if anything like that happens in future just don’t let a dickhead flake of a man pull you down. Your worth is not defined by being in a couple. Ever.

awomanofthecuntytype · 05/10/2022 17:04

OP, if you're both in your 30s, you both need to stop acting like Year 8s.

The 'situationship' clearly isn't really working for either of you any more, so you need to have a conversation and end things as amicably as possible. Fortunately I grew up before the advent of 'blocking', so have mastered at least some of the art of conversation.

Ponoka7 · 05/10/2022 17:12

I think that he was sending you a clear message that things aren't as serious as you think they are. Either that or his friend is going through a really bad time.

ClaireEclair · 05/10/2022 17:14

He’s had a lucky escape.

Thurst · 05/10/2022 17:19

He’s just not that into you so he didn’t prioritise it.
Find a new bloke in your new area.

youlightupmyday · 05/10/2022 17:24

OP, he has behaved very badly. You deserve better! Walk away. New job, new you.

I don't blame you for blocking though it was overly dramatic. Just ignoring works very well, but I know that pressing that block button feels very 'active'.

It doesn't matter how it ended, more the why. And you were right to end it.

1234TellMeWhatYouLookinFor · 05/10/2022 17:34

OP, he clearly doesn't make you feel good. Faffs around with timings and friends you never heard of making you stress out and even suspicious.
Just enjoy your new job and move on. He won't make you happy.

1FootInTheRave · 05/10/2022 17:38

I think he pissed you around and I'd have been cross too.

He isn't that into you by the sounds of it.

Noteverybodylives · 05/10/2022 17:42

I find it really odd that you had to meet before the party and then walk into the party together.

If it’s one friendship group then surely he can just turn up later on or at the same time as everyone else.

I feel like you put a lot of pressure on your friends seeing you as a couple - does it matter if they’ve not seen you as a couple before?

Was he with someone else in the group before you?

It’s very shitty of him to not tell you that he wasn’t coming though and it almost sounds like he had no intention of coming.

I wouldn’t block him but I would ask that you cool things off whilst you move and get settled.

It doesn’t sound like the best relationship anyway and it might be nice for you to have a complete fresh start.

MatildaTheCat · 05/10/2022 17:51

Going on holiday together is often the death knell to a relationship that’s on the rocks or one partner is having doubts. It looks like he’s had big doubts but didn’t either want to hurt you just as you are starting a new job or simply didn’t have the balls.

Its poor form to fail to communicate that to you but possibly done with somewhat good intentions.

Hibye23289 · 05/10/2022 17:58

No Op I can quite understand where you are coming from I don't get why you are getting a hard time. He probably didn't think

Janedoe95 · 05/10/2022 18:00

You’re completely right OP I’m a bit older but younger me definitely would’ve blocked him.

as an older adult I recognise blocking isn’t a great way to handle situations and I don’t block people anymore but when you’re young don’t waste time on people!

you don’t need to be the better person you’ll meet 1000x people there’s always a better person don’t waste time on this guy.

he seems inconsiderate and it’s not hard to communicate now that you’ve blocked him don’t unblock him

find someone better that won’t leave you high and dry

windmill4865 · 05/10/2022 18:01

Blimey. I had 2 children and 3 stepchildren by late 20's. Goodness me, grow up !!😂... Why could he not bring a mate if meeting new people ??

zurala · 05/10/2022 18:09

YANBU op but I want to know, you said one of you cheated at the beginning of the relationship. Which one of you was it?

withgraceinmyheart · 05/10/2022 18:10

He sounds like a massive game player OP, and I think you’re well rid.

The people saying ‘but, but he’s just paid for you holiday!!!’ Seriously? So if someone buys you expensive gifts their entitled to treat you like shit the week after to even things out? Google ‘love bombing’ and learn something.

Good luck in your new job OP.

mountainsunsets · 05/10/2022 18:20

I think this evening/celebration meant much more to you than it did to him.

I would have just let his friend tag along really - one extra person wouldn't really make a huge difference, surely?

Original poster
allura · 05/10/2022 18:27

windmill4865 · 05/10/2022 18:01

Blimey. I had 2 children and 3 stepchildren by late 20's. Goodness me, grow up !!😂... Why could he not bring a mate if meeting new people ??

Well done to you.

they weren’t new people, they were our friends

OP posts:
ThreeRingCircus · 05/10/2022 18:30

SleeplessInEngland · 05/10/2022 16:37

Is blocking really common? So many people seem to do it on Mumsnet for the pettiest of reasons.

Sadly I think so, although I was surprised when OP said she's in her 30s as that's the same age I am and I associate blocking with teenagers/people in their 20s that aren't emotionally mature.

I actually think blocking is an awful societal trend. It means people can take the easy route, avoid having difficult conversations and don't have the opportunity to express their authentic feelings. OP hasn't used her voice and expressed that she's hurt and wants to end things. This bloke just carries on with nobody pulling him up on his poor behaviour. No wonder he was flakey with plans and dragged things out, the art of communication is being lost and nobody has the chance to learn and grow because they just get blocked!

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