Be honest! Has anyone ever set out to marry a rich man and/or encouraged their daughters to do it?

[WitTanks]

I was wondering as it seems to be the case with lots on Instagram influencers, as well as some women I know locally, that lots of women come from a low income working class background, have not had a career themselves and have just seemingly set out to marry a rich city type or business owner.

One woman that I know, who has three twentysomething daughters, has encouraged all three to marry rich men; two have done so, and married wealthy men far older than they are, and the third is still single but works in healthcare and has said she is 'trying to find a consultant' to be with.

Has anyone on here done this or do you encourage your daughters to marry someone wealthy?

No.

But I'd be lying if I thought I wouldn't be happy if he was rich.

Depends on how rich though.

I've always thought that being really wealthy would actually be really hard and detrimental to wellbeing.

Could be wrong, don't think I'll ever find out.

Yeah it’s a power thing. But if it gives her security and means her children are cared for too then that’s not a bad deal.

The worry will always be the Other Women. Other women can also mess up the inheritance for the kids if she succeeds in marrying him next…

Other Women are a risk when the guy is poor too. But with richer guys there is a calculated risk involved.

I’d say marry for partnership and companionship.

How would being really wealthy be hard and detrimental to well-being?!

I don’t understand…

Money is nice and in fact DH earns a lot now but I would never marry someone for that reason. In the beginning I earned more than him for quite a long time.

As pp have said it is good to be attracted to intelligent and focused people for those qualities in themselves. The fact that money sometimes comes with them is a pleasant extra.

Even though I am a sahm now and earn very little, I feel confident that (a) I have earning potential if I ever needed it and (b) our finances are very much a joint project so I don't feel 'kept'.

I would always encourage dd to be independent first so she could explore her potential and later make choices off the back of that. If she chose later to be at home with babies, fine.

Well spotted MarieIVanArkleStinks

Wakeup I'm not sure what I mean but from some accounts people who are very wealthy seem to have a different level of stress of keeping up a certain lifestyle.

Don't get me wrong,I'd love to have everything I need and not have to struggle however there is a huge sense of achievement when you've worked toward something and you've managed it.

Good for self esteem I think.

Like a teenager who saves for their first car, there is a pride in that.

I'm aware that my thoughts may be very different to others.

Middle ground of being comfortable seems ideal but the measure of that will be different for us all.

Two family members have been encouraged to. One of them has married extremely ''well'', and now her DC are encouraged to have friends from the right circles. The extended family hear about the vehicles these parent friends drive and where the toddlers have been carted off to in them, what languages they are speaking this week, photos of the IL's houses but nothing of a personal nature (ie when they lost their first tooth).

Having said that, I found the young man she married lovely and engaged us in conversation when we met, got an invite to visit them at one of the family properties next time we were in the Country. The person who is the pain is the Father, and my relation!

No I wouldn't actively encourage my DDs to look for rich men to marry. But if it were a simple question where they had to choose between 2 men with all the same attributes, but one with money or one without, I would definitely tell them to go for the former.

Yes, and no. I have ensured that my daughter has had a great education, and encouraged her to apply herself, to enable her to do whatever she wants in life. The clear expectation is that she would use knowledge/skills gained and work throughout her life and at minimum be able to support herself in a decent lifestyle. However, I don’t see why, on top of this, marrying someone who is wealthy is a bad thing as long as she genuinely likes/loves them so I would encourage her to make this her ‘pool’ as why not make things easier for yourself and any future children if you can and being honest money goes a way to achieving this.

I’ve got some nice friends, all middle or upper middle class, who wouldn’t dream of getting their daughters to marry a moneyed guy.

However all of them put their daughters in the best grammar schools, some private, all encourage friendships in their circle, and all would be horrified if the man was not decently educated and from ‘their circle’.

So insidious ‘choosing’ of future partners is still going on. It’s just implicit and not up front.

My mother in law told her daughter a few weeks after her divorce was finalised that she should find a rich man to support her. As my sister in law has recently come out

Posted too soon...
Sister in law has come out as a lesbian and her girlfriend is a lorry driver. I think we can safely agree she ignored her mothers advice.

No, but it was important to me to marry someone ambitious, to match my own aspirations. As it happens I out earn DH by a large amount but he is an expert in his field and works hard.

I broke up with a boyfriend in my early twenties because he sponged off his parents and had no work ethic to speak off.

And bored with their children, but it's taboo to admit that.

@WakeUpAndBe they are generally pretty disparaging, and come across as resentful that their wives aren’t “contributing” (apart from bringing up the kids & keeping the house etc, which they see as worthless), they moan if their wife wants to spend the money they “work hard for”. I think they feel that the exciting young women they met in their 20s have turned into a much less exciting drain on them.

They fail to appreciate that their careers can only be so successful because their wife doesn’t work, so they can spend all hours in the office (often solely to avoid bedtime chaos)/attend events etc.

I insisted that my husband went part time at the same time as me once we had kids (I earned a bit more than him at the time) - for me, it was important that we both had time with the kids and understood the pros and cons of work vs home life (we both agreed that in the younger years our “day off” was harder than the days at work!).

DH then took a much less well paid role to be around the house more, while I pursued my career. I have never resented him earning much less, as it was a decision we took jointly, and I would not begrudge him half the assets if we ever split up.

yes because her last boyfriend was a bit of a loser, terrible with money, possibly compulsive liar. DD should definitely aim higher.

Her Boyfriend before that was son of doctors, studying to become a banker, lovely lad <wistful>

DD is on (tough may not finish) Uni course that could mean she earns £120k in today's money. Marrying rich isn't her only strategy, but she has expensive tastes & doesn't need a partner who is a drag on her.

Yes, but not because I was looking for someone to support me, but because I wanted a financial equal. That isn’t to say I grabbed the first wealthy man and ran with it, though, I did and do love my husband.

No, but I’m sure for many a partner being perpetually skint or bad with money is a huge turn off too.

Never in my life have I come across or heard of a woman who literally "sets out to marry a rich man." I think this is a sexist trope. Real life is not a naff reality T.V show where some women will say and do anything to be a "celeb."'

It annoys me that certain women on here have so much to say about "those women" who "marry for money" when not one poster has actually said they did this. It just perpetrates unhelpful stereotypes..

At the end of the day, no woman could actually marry a man they are not remotely attracted to in any shape or form - other than money. How could you? Apart from that Nicole -somebody-or-other who married that man who was about 95 for his billions. But that's was just blatantly ridiculous and it's obvious she didn't have to go near him.

Yes, I suppose money may make an average-looking man seem more attractive (in comparison to the same man being broke). But the money won't be the whole story. I think 99.9% of women at least need some kind of emotional / sexual connection with the man they marry!

So let's stop pedalling this sexist nonsense as if it's a "thing."

Most women I know who are married to wealthy men met them at uni. They have been married 20 years or more and have been there every step of the way while the DH's have made their millions. Their marriages are definitely stronger than the average marriage, I would say.. Far lower divorce rate too - markedly so.

Outside of celebrity TV and movies, highly successful men are no more likely to have an.affair than the average bloke stacking shelves in Tesco. If they have SAHWs - so what? It's because the family don't need the money. Money buys choice. Few people would work if they don't actually need the money. There is a point at which time and health are greater priorities. As U said, money buys choice. Its as simple as that..

When people on here say having a SAHW that makes the marriage "unequal", they are talking bollocks frankly and clearly projecting their own insecurities. You may imagine YOU would feel unequal - but maybe that's because you have a man who you know, deep down, would make you feel that way. That's a shame, but it's nobody else's fault. Don't project your complex onto everyone though, as if it's a "rule." It's not.

Finding some of the replies hilarious here.

im a girl from a council estate. Husband is privately educated. I work in ICT and earn quite a bit more than him.

we did meet very young... so I definitely didn’t go for money... but because he was lovely and kind (and handsome)

It annoys me that certain women on here have so much to say about "those women" who "marry for money" when not one poster has actually said they did this.
I said I did. I grew up on benefits and now I’m middle class. I didn’t manage to marry into big bucks but my husband is a company director and that’s a massive step up from the men I was around while growing up, who were either unemployed or doing manual labour. I don’t regret doing it, I love my kids and I’m happy they’re wealthier than I was and have the nice middle class friends and hobbies that I always craved for myself.

And my friend has just divorced her perfectly lovely husband because he hasn’t made enough effort to better himself. He’s a shop assistant and had promised to get an office job after the wedding, but he didn’t. So she divorced him and is now looking to date professional men.

@thesway

Funny you talk about sexist tropes then post a load of sexist twaddle.

My one friend who is married to a rich man and was a SAHM when her kids were very small (isn’t anymore) had lots of assets in her own name already. She had also met her DH at 13: so definitely didn’t marry him for his money

We grew up very poor.

One of my sisters has only ever had rich partners. I am not saying that she's only with them for their money. But IMO for her (not saying everyone) their wealth was part of the overall package of attractiveness, and she would not have been attracted to a man with lower financial status.

I had a friend from school who was quite poor and became a legal secretary (absolutely good career). When we were in our 20's she said she just wanted a rich man to marry.

She was last need driving a Porsche. So I guess she did. She also cut off all her old friends at that point.

I hope she's happy at least but there's something very mercenary about it.

I did the opposite. Married a privately educated man who became the stay at home parent (despite high earning power) because it made sense for our family. I earn the money but we are a team. I'm content.