To be disgusted by friends salary?

[Emeraldi]

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

You should reflect on this. Nosiness, jealousy, snobbery and pettiness are things we can all slip into on occasion but if I were you I'd see this as a wake up call to do some work on myself. She's obviously a very good friend so for goodness sake don't hold it against her, be proud of her for being successful in her career and carry on your friendship as usual (though maybe without offering extras etc... as a result of your perception of her 'disadvantage')

I hope that this is not true

Rifling through the drawers in somebody else's house? Tsk, OP, sympathy going to be in short supply here.i wouldn't want you in my house at all.

You don't sound like much of a 'friend'.

Why would you be disgusted?

Or are you more bothered that you haven't achieved as much as she has?

Snooping is an awful betrayal of trust, but IF you genuinely happened to find it while you're at the house performing a favour then hey ho, it is what it is.

There's really nothing to "do". If she's accepted a lot of generosity and never reciprocated it I understand why you'd feel peeved, just rein it in so things are even in future.

@XmasElf10 flash the cash :) So you would be like the OP friend and expect people to buy you drinks etc.. silly reply

You assumed, she’s the same person. Don’t confront, maybe don’t reach for you wallet as fast next time.

You’re jealous - simple as. Just because someone has a university education does not mean they’ll get paid more. Let’s take a nurse or teacher as an example against someone who did their accounting exams whilst working from age 18, or went into construction. Loads and loads of examples.

University does not equal clever and rich, and bypassing university does not equal ‘uneducated’ and poor.

The fact you haven’t figured that yet is perhaps one reason why you’re not getting close to 6 figures yourself.

Blimey. You don't even see your own snobbery do you?

Is this is wind-up?
AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back?
Of course not. Tot up every drink you ever bought her, every hour of underpaid dogsitting, & present her with a retroactive bill. Because friendship is transactional, & now you can no longer feel like Lady Bountiful, it's only right that you bill her for your previous favours.

Not sure how best to approach this. TIA
Easy. Tell her how horrified you are that she out-earns you, that you feel duped & stupid & regret all the favours you imagine you've done her. She'll whip her cash put, repay you immediately, & beg your forgiveness for her uppityness. HTH

lack of university education it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume she was worse off than me.

You do have one thing more than her though: a giant punnet of sour grapes!

I don't think you are "disgusted" with her salary as much as you have been reminded of your relative lack of achievement.

At no point has op said she is pretending she has no money. Why are you making things up?

If op only wants to buy a drink for a friend if they earn more than her, then she needs to be asking up front what people earn.

Op hasn’t said she is being paid badly, for dog sitting, but that it’s probably cheaper than a kennel. Which is could be. But that’s often the case with any dog sitter.

You could just as easily say, Op has being patronising assuming her friend can’t afford things because of her lack of education and doing these things made op feel superior. And that the friend, had no idea that Op was offering to buy a drink or agreeing to dog sitting based on the ops judgment of her education or the ops assumption about her wage.

@RequiemForAcat not sure what part of the world you're from but in the real world most people wouldn't sit back and expect people to buy them drinks without returning the favour, maybe have a think about that when you're next out with friends...BUY A ROUND :) youre probably being talked about as we speak!!

You shouldn't have been snooping through her private stuff. This is jealousy plain and simple, would you charge her full price for looking after her dog even though she's your friend?
She probably trusts you and has no idea this is going on in your mind and I don't think what you both earn has even crossed her mind where friendship is concerned, maybe she hasn't mentioned it out of kindness.
"Ask for my money back" really??

I want to know what work she does, I need a salary like that

Just stop doing it.

How ill informed to think a university degrees would make you better off than someone who does not have one. Did you really think that?

Some of the wealthiest people I know have earned their career through apprenticeships - engineers etc. And some of my most educated friends are pretty skint (underpaid) - teachers, medical staff…

@donttellmehesalive patronising her by buying her drink :) yeah whatever

How unpleasant to feel like a friend is getting paid too much. I assumed from the title you would be upset your friend is undervalued! Doesn't paint you in a great light tbh. When I do a friend a favour I don't means assess first.

Loads of my friends who didn't go to uni earn more than me. Probably because they were earning rather than pissing their days away (me).

Oh, dear. I once accidentally saw something I shouldn't have at a friend's house - not finance related - and it was the end of the friendship. I couldn't get past it, nor could I do anything about it because I shouldn't have seen it.

I hope she had a camera set up so she caught you going through her private correspondence. The better person is making the better salary in this case.

Silly assumptions. And stop going through her stuff. What were you looking for that meant you had to read her private letters? Horrible behaviour.

She hasn't done anything wrong: she may well have been making the same assumption as you - that you were likely to be earning more than her. What should she have done differently - turned down your offer to buy the drinks?

Yup. Snooping. Looking in a drawer for something else (sfx hollow laughter) ! Wonder what the “something else” was, bank statements, love letters, sex toys………