To be disgusted by friends salary?

[Emeraldi]

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

Between me and my DH, we have a good income. Actually DH who didn’t go to uni earns more than me and I did. But we have also been in financial shit due to both being out of work at the same time a few years back. We turn lights off etc and are carful with what we spend our money on. Just because you have money, doesn’t mean you have money to burn. We are also not tight with our friends and don’t expect them to pay for things etc. Maybe your friend thinks you earn more than her? Have you told her how much you do earn? Maybe as you have seen an offer letter she wasn’t earning as much in her previous role? Also just because she didn’t go to uni does not mean that she hadn’t had to work really hard to get where she is. There is no need to feel disgusted by someone’s hard work and tenacity.
now that you know she isn’t in financial hardship, don’t offer to buy her diner or look after her dog.

Also I have loads of friends who earn more than me and vice versa, but would still do them a favour which they would otherwise have had to pay for or buy them a drink, because they would do the same for me. Weird that you're in competition with her (in your head).

OP why would you assume your uni education means you’re paid better? That’s quite snobbish to be honest and your attitude now stinks. She probs didn’t tell you because you’ve been belittling her!

im Not on a high salary but dh’s business does very well and we have various income steams/savings. I do not tell my friends this although they are aware that we are comfortable. I have friends who earn well but spend like water so probably don’t have the spare cash we do despite earning more money. They have pretty much told us they have no savings yet are probably on near to 6 figures.
we are reasonably sensible with money, are not flash, but we don’t worry about it. I still like to keEp costs down on heating etc as it’s better for environment and it’s ridiculously expensive for all.

Also, “disgusted”?! More like jealous

You sound very confused for a University Graduate, OP. I would assume a university graduate would know the difference between 'disgusted', and 'jealous'. They mean different things, and so are not interchangeable in a sentence.

As this person is your friend, I would have assumed you would be delighted to discover (accidentally of course, as you explained) that she is doing so well in her career that she can afford fab holidays which allow you to spend time in her home looking after her lovely dog.

And I thought it very odd for you to 'naturally assume' that you would be the higher earner. Do you not hold your friend in high regard? I can only assume you don't.

A very strange post, all things considered, OP, and one that clearly illustrates that one should never assume anything. As I hope is also illustrated in this response.

It's interesting that you're first reaction is to be disgusted rather than pleased for her. Sounds like you thought you were the more financially successful of the two and don't like the finding out that you're not.

Hilarious. Lack of uni education 😂😂😂

Sounds like you should be angry at yourself, not her.

You've made assumptions, played Lady Bountiful and now your assumptions are proved wrong you are taking your anger out on her rather than yourself.

This.

But I'd have the heating as high as I wanted, and spend a lot of time luxuriating in a hot bath if I were you.

😄

You live and learn but the dog sitting thing she probably trusts you more than a dog sitter.

Well you know what they say, to assume makes an ass out of u and me, good for her!!

Cheap dog sitting 😂
Do people actually charge their friends for doing a favour for them nowadays... Even when they assume they are the "high earner"

BTW - it's very rude to read other people's post . . .

I mistakenly stumbled across

Yeah, course you did!

Lack of university education isn't a sign of income.
I earn more than most of my friends, and I'm not anywhere near as educated as them.
Dont assume next time.

YABU for assuming because you went to uni you would have a higher paid job.

on the upside if you really feel she’s been using you and you have no intention of continuing your friendship, go wild and whack the heating up, drink all her fancy wine, leave the telly on standby all day and night.

@Emeraldi why on earth would you assume that because you went to university you would earn more than her? You sound very entitled and jealous.

Not really a friend, are you? Nosy and jealous, jealous, jealous.

Approach it by letting her know you were happier when you assumed she was pig shit thick and skint and you're green with envy that she's dared do well for herself. Then let her know she can't trust you not to snoop through her house, did you think that was ok on account of her 'lower than' status?

But now you know she's doing better than you, surely that changes everything and she is now a more desirable friend? or does her 'behaviour' still seem like poor person behaviour?

OP have a word with yourself. She's well rid of you

That says more about you than it does her.

Such an entitled view, to think people who aren't university educated can't earn 6 figures.

You've wrongly assumed she was less well off than you because she didn't go to uni. Which is quite snobby. It comes across quite patronising to basically have been treating her like a charity case! Based on what? It sounds like you felt good when you believed you were the bigger earner and now you feel you've had your superiority challenged and are simultaneously resentful towards her because of your student debt? It's in you if you've offered her drinks and dig sitting etc. She didn't know your intentions were anything but that of friendship! I may be wrong, but that's how your post reads.

The letter was open in a drawer the Op was looking I anyway.. I don’t think snooping is the right word although maybe she shouldn’t have read it.
Most if us know if we are on more or less than our friends. I’m surprised you didn’t know a ball park figure actually given she’s a good friend. In fact my well off mates are more likely to discuss their finances I think whereas us as the poorer end find it embarrassing.

My better off mates happily buy me drinks or lunch and happily I will babysit and dog sit for them for next to nothing. They have money and I don’t mind doing them a favour.I I certainly wouldn’t use a friend who was less well off though which is what your mate is doing.

Some people are just very good at their jobs and don't need a university degree to get a six figure salary.
Many that earn the biggest tend to be much more frugal with money ( just from experience)