To be disgusted by friends salary?

[Emeraldi]

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

I agree, hope you're okay OP.

Serves you right for snooping in her private things. Also serves you right for assuming that because she didn't go to uni she is earning less than you.

So do you expect her to pay for everything as she is the higher earner?

If you are good friends then rounds of drinks/ dinners are shared costs and I'm sure it all evens out so you are both paying similar.

The dog sitting I am assuming you are doing as a favour to your friend, why would that change now you know her wage?

Several of our couple friends earn 3-4 times what me and my partner earn but we still buys rounds of drinks, pay for meals and we would certainly dog sit if needed.

Your friends wage has nothing to do with you!

You misspelt 'jealous of'

Be honest with yourself you were snooping, which makes you untrustworthy. What she earns is none of your business. You made assumptions you now know not to be true. Your the one who offered to pay for meals, drinks and to dog sit. Yrbvu.

You read the letter to make yourself feel important.
And it's backfired massively.

You sound like you think you're better than her.
And flashing your cash makes you feel big.
And how can you approach it without admitting you where snooping.

If you admitted something like that to me I couldn't be your friend.
It's a massive betrayal of trust.

You said you felt you were used for cheap dog sitting instead of her using kennels. Most dog owners I know choose not to use kennels (even if they're wealthy) because their dogs don't like going to the kennels. I'm sure this is why she wanted a dog sitter. Yes you did it cheaply but that's normal for friends, isn't it? If she was a good friend I'd probably have done it for free to be honest - even if she was a millionaire!

Goes to show a “university education” isn’t always all its cracked up to be hun!
you snooped, and found something that’s made you green with envy clearly. You can either a) admit that you’ve been nosying through her personal items and know feel aggrieved that you’ve spent money on her previously and want it back (no idea how you think you’ll be able to calculate what she “owes” you though?) or you b) keep schtum but stop offering rounds of drinks that won’t be returned/food/cut price dog sitting. Being savvy doesn’t mean you’re broke btw, we’re savvy, turn off appliances, shop for food at cheaper supermarkets etc but we’re not hard up. your perception of things has put you in this situation, she never told you she was broke.

How does living frugally and not flashing the cash make anyone's earnings disgusting? I know lots of high earning people who never flaunt it. Seems like your friend was brought up to respect money and may even be saving up (save enough to retire early, large purchase). Kudos to anyone who has been given that chance.

YABU to go snooping around a friends house who trusted you.

Not buying the I was looking for something else excuse.

So you only felt benevolent when you assumed she was poorer than you?

She may just be cost conscious, a bit of a miser or environmentally aware.

She never deceived you by actually telling you she was skint. I get that you misconstrued her behaviour but no lie has been told.

She is your friend and it sounds as if you have known her for many years, don't throw the friendship away just because you you incorrectly thought you earned more than her. Good friends are really hard to find.

Maybe she accepted your offer to dog sit as she trusts you more than anyone else to be in her home. It genuinely may not have anything to do with saving money or "exploiting" you at all.

As for you buying drinks and meals etc then she might just think you are a generous sort of person. Unless you make it clear you expect it to be reciprocated you cant really ask to be reimbursed financially at a later date.

See now you’re in a pickle op
if you say anything to your friend she will know youve been snooping through her private papers
and probably decide you’re not a good friend and that’s that friendship over

or you say nothing at all -ever Pretend you don’t know

This thread is jokes. You can’t judge someone on their salary! 🤦‍♂️

Haha! You think it's fine to invade someone's privacy but you're 'disgusted' at your friend?

I'm glad you're resentful and pissed off. Hopefully that'll teach you a much needed lesson.

She's the same person regardless of her salary. And you offered to help because you wanted to.
I don't understand why you would think she should contribute more for meals or rounds of drinks. It's fair to pay you share or take turns.
You can still be affluent and frugal, wasting money anything is stupid regardless of your wealth.

Wow. I've got a first class degree and a masters and it's never once occurred to me to assume I earn more than people without a degree!

I mean, I know I earn more than my friends in NMW jobs but other than that... and, tbh, it doesn't matter anyway.

Sounds like you rather enjoyed the sense of superiority and have now had your nose pushed out of joint because you realise you're not 'better than' her.

You seem hung up on university education.

Dbro never went to uni, I did and work as a bog standard staff nurse. Dbro earns 65k mon-fri 9-5.
Im pleased for him, he works hard and deserves it. Maybe try being happy that your friend is successful without the hassle and debt of university.

yes the friend sounds modest and respectful, she doesnt flaunt or talk about her wealth... most high income people DONT falunt it in front of others like the OP likes too.

Making it rain in the club and buying everyone drinks isnt how people who ACTUALLY have money act, they usually have accountant, stock/bonds/investments, saving, pensions etc... and live a 'normal' life.

she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round.

Of course snooping is to be frowned upon, but the friend sounds a bit of a using bitch!

OP, I'm glad you know no, no more free meals for her.

This- I also earned well without a university education!! What a snotty remark about your “friend “ not going to uni.

Modest and respectful by taking free drinks and meals from OP? Whatever!

Let's be honest, we're all human. I too would feel sick to know someone is earning that much at that age without a professional qualification (presumably).

Some people just get all the luck. Thats the truth of it. Some are bloody lucky, others are the opposite.

There will also be people with degrees,masters, lifetime of experience incapacitated through health and forced onto crappy benefits.

People who lose their loved ones. People who die young. People who suffer hardship through so many reasons.

I think you have to look at the bigger picture. Yes, she has an amazing salary, but that doesn't mean you aren't lucky in other ways.

Stop funding her, and next time you're at the pub, feel confident in waiting for her to offer. And when she asks if you'll dog sit, just tell her you aren't available.

You wouldn't help a friend with decorating or buy them a drink because of their income?

You sound like a terrible "friend"

She'll have preferred the dog to be with you as she trusts you and thinks it'll be happy, more than leaving it in kennels. Not because you're a fucking bargain 🤣

Stop funding her, and next time you're at the pub, feel confident in waiting for her to offer. And when she asks if you'll dog sit, just tell her you aren't available.

@LivingMyBestLie good advice! OP, ignore all the pious Pennys.

It's not a snotty remark at all. People generally go to university, and accrue masses of debt, to increase their future options and salary.

So no, it isn't snotty to point out she'd have expected to be on more.