To be disgusted by friends salary?

[Emeraldi]

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

I'm so confused by this - I would pet sit (for free) for my friends, help with decorating, buy drinks, dinners etc regardless of how much I assumed they earned. I don't do favours for my friends based on how much they earn, I do it because that's what friendship means to me.

My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

I think your idea of friendship is skewed. I would do those things for my friends just because they are my friends and regardless of what they have in the bank.

Snooping never does any good so lesson learned there

Even if my mate was a millionaire I’d mind her dog for free- it’s what mates do! I just don’t see it as an issue
just move on and don’t think about her salary again- it’s none of your business

I think you could possibly have learned a valuable lesson or two about yourself here.

1/ Don't assume - you are shocked because you assumed she had a lower income than you based on the fact she's careful with her money and didn't go to University.

Neither of those things are logical assumptions but you seem to think they are. Why is that?

2/ Your friendship appears to be, to you at least, linked to this core belief you hold that you earn more, are worth more?, than her? Now you have discovered otherwise, you are shocked, to use the word 'disgusted' does indicate a degree of shock there. You don't think she's worth that, you don't think the job she does is worth that, or you think she shouldn't be as frugal with her money as she is?

She hasn't asked you for money or lower fees for services or to be bought things - you assumed. She simply took the generosity you offered and if its not clear you were in some way suffering to provide that generosity, I can't see that she's done anything wrong!

Don't treat her like a financial second class citizen in future and have a think about how you judge people too!

So many troll threads this afternoon. Zzzzzzzzzz

Bloody hell! Why are you going through her personal papers?
Who accidentally comes across private documents in a drawer?

You’re not disgusted. You’re jealous.

My dd’s would tell you to go fuck yourself if you demanded money back for your time if it wasn’t discussed beforehand.

didn’t go uni instead worked from the ages of 16/17 and head hunted over the past couple of years. Each time negotiating a higher salary.

Leaving electrical plugged in and switched on can also be a fire risk. We had one years ago that spread very quickly.

If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

Why wouldn't you do these for a friend anyway??

Not the point of the thread but, I'm curious what she is paying you to dog sit.

I paid my friends DD (16) £50 for one night, plus left food. I paid that much as it was the first attempt and previous kennel and home boarder trials had been a disaster, it seemed fair considering it might not have been an easy night (it was, as my dog loves her) also strategic because I know she is sensible enough to start saving the money towards driving lessons, which will make longer periods of dog sitting more viable.

I need to figure out an ongoing nightly rate now though.

Goodness, you don't approach this in any way at all. I went to Uni, I am a teacher so don't earn big money. My younger brother earns gazillions more than me but is also up to his eyeballs in mortgage. You don't really know what financial commitments your friend has so she may have many reasons to be frugal. Or she's just tight and that is also OK. I do favours for my brother because I care about him, I'm sure he could afford to pay but it's nice to show you care and are there for people.

Sometimes I will pay for coffee for a friend, I do it because I want to not because I expect anything back. I measure peoples worth on if they are thoughtful and kind not whether they spend their money on me. Is your friend a good friend otherwise, does she check in with you, show an interest in your life? Look out for you in other ways? If so then what's the problem?

If you want to help your friend then do, if not then next time politely decline. It sounds like you felt quite virtuous when you thought she was a poor impoverished pleb that you were helping out and now you are a bit bitter that she is earning more than you.

The only time you should be disgusted by a friends salary is if you think they are being paid a pittance for the hard work they do!

Many people would read the letter if they happened upon it to be fair so not sure you were BU there.

Where you were BU was to assume that because she didn’t go to Uni or is careful with money that she couldn’t earn as much as you. It is your judging her that has cost you not her actions, does she know how much you earn?

So you wrongly ASSUMED you where 'better' than her and discovered to your ego shattering that you are not... why is that her fault?

I have 2 degrees and make 6k a year at the most I made 12k a year, going to uni means fuck all... the richest people I know did apprenticeships or went into skilled sought after well unionised trades where as most increadibly smart degree holders I know make £20-£30k a year so hardly rolling in riches (most also do NOT work in their degree field, the only ones that do work for the NHS so not well paid).

Sorry you where wrong, it must be a shock to realise what you believe was so vehrmently was 'right' was in fact wrong and that you made bad life choices but its not your friends fault you arent worldly, didnt research and choose the wrong finacial career path.

Regardless of who makes more no one owes the other anything, it seems you CHOOSE to pay more thinking you where richer but now you know she is doesnt mean she now has to pay for you. You made an asumption and bad decisions but did it purely because it allowed you to feel better than, it was an act of narcassism from you not 'usage' from her.

Crikey! I went to uni twice...and I'm definitely not on a 6 figure salary (wish I was! I'm B6 NHS)!! Having a degree (or even two) doesn't automatically mean you get more money.

Maybe she preferred her dog to stay at home (nicer for the dog) with someone familiar, rather than putting the dog into kennels. I prefer my cats to stay home and have a sitter, rather than board, as it is less stressful for them.

I've helped friends out, and it doesn't matter to me what they earn (and I hope they don't care what I earn!). I've got mates who earn many times what I earn, but I'm pleased for them. I wouldn't want them to pay for everything for me. We just help each other because we're friends FGS! Why not be pleased for your friend, instead of being "disgusted" by her salary? She hasn't pleaded poverty with you, and just because she is on a high salary, it doesn't mean that she shouldn't be "money conscious" and careful about utility bills etc.

Also, how would you plan to get your money back from her? Surely friends will buy each other drinks or pay for the odd meal out? I don't keep tabs on what I pay for my mates, or when I help them out and vice versa.

🤣🤣

Op you need to get a grip. Sounds like green eyed monster. Do not say anything. You will look like a fool.

YABU to have read your friend’s private correspondence. You may have found it by accident, but you chose to keep reading.

YABU to have assumed you earn more than her. Salaries aren’t handed out based on qualifications or merit, they’re fought for.

YABU to sulk about your friend earning more than you. Wanna earn more? Change jobs. Go be a management consultant or a banker, if you’re impressed by £100k your brain will implode when you find out what they earn.

Some people woulda been happy for their friend, btw.

Some people pet sit for free for their friends…

I think your assumption that a university education = higher salary I think is the issue

Only a small percentage of people earn enough for long enough to actually repay their student loan.

I wouldn’t try to get the money back but these replies are ridiculous🙄.

There is of course nothing wrong with her earning that amount (although I’m not entirely sure I believe this - it seems rather unusual to be earning that much with no degree at that age). And there’s nothing wrong with your assuming that she earns less.

I wouldn’t be that bothered about the dog sitting because maybe she thinks you enjoy it. However, letting you buy her drinks etc is unacceptable. It might be though that she assumes you’re earning as much as her…often people with loads of money don’t think a round of drinks is worth thinking about.

@Emeraldi in all honesty "She hasn’t said she doesn’t have money, but due to her behaviour and lack of university education it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume she was worse off than me." The acquaintance I have who earns pretty much more than most of my friends ( university educated ) put together never touched the sides of tertiary education. But savvy & hardworking.

That said whoever you are it is not kind to let someone else sub you all the time.

So I think it 6 and 2 3s between you both . & stay out of her drawers 😂

If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.
Do you means-test all your friends?

You are jealous. And bitter, and frankly a terrible friend.

Why do you assume someone who hasn’t been to uni should earn less than someone who has? I know many people who went to uni that work in low paid jobs and I know many people who didn’t go to uni that run successful businesses, have large houses and fancy cars. Getting a degree doesn’t automatically make you a high earner, often it just leaves you in debt.

You can under what you saw but you need to get over it. It’s up to you if you want to charge more next time you dog sit but don’t let someone’s salary effect your relationship, she’s still your friend, she doesn’t have to tell you how much money she has (I wouldn’t tell anyone what I earn).

But she must have a really good job? So I don't understand why you thought she didn't earn a good wage?

Ok totally not the point but what does she do for a living?? I NEED a job that pays nearly 6 figure with no uni degree!! (And I have a uni degree with 15 years experience in my field earning much much much less than that!!)

So you will only help friends who earn less than you?! What on earth am I reading. Ffs. With friends like you - who needs enemies!

My friend charges £50 a night to dog/ animal sit at their house. I was over joyed to be given £180 for dog walking and holiday sitting - it was opposite and I went in 4/5 times a day