Page 11 | To be disgusted by friends salary?

Original poster

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 16:41

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate perhaps the wording of my post could have been better. To clarify I’m not at all jealous. My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

I admit I was wrong to read the letter and I really wish I didn’t

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 04/10/2022 16:41

So you think that because she earns more she should pay you.

But if she was poor you are fine with her not paying because she's your friend?

Either you think she's taking the piss for asking or she's not. Her salary is irrelevant. It's none of your business.

You are clearly jealous and think that she somehow owes you because she better off.

If she is careful with money that's reasonable. As it is with anyone else. She shouldnt spunk money on things just because her salary is higher.

Either she is your friend or she's not.

If all you can see now is the £££ coming between you, that's your problem not hers.

It could well be that she doesn't want to flaunt money and make others who don't have it feel uncomfortable. She might be concealing her income because she values friendship.

Thats aside from the issue that you appear to be snooping.

Manekinek0 · 04/10/2022 16:41

Our household income is high but we are very frugal. I wouldn't write a list of rules for anyone who visits our home but we do turn off electronics at the plug, eat leftovers and keep the heating off.

You can make the decision to no longer dog sit for her but I think you have ruined the friendship. You sound very jealous and bitter when you actually should feel guilty for reading her private documents.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/10/2022 16:42

The qn isn't why is someone willing to pay her 6 figures. It's why aren't they willing to pay it you with your big University education.

Effitall · 04/10/2022 16:44

You are very much not her friend.

GlitterB0mb · 04/10/2022 16:45

Accidentally on purpose more like.

Either send the information down the memory hole or stop being friends. Sounds like she'll be better off.

Hearthnhome · 04/10/2022 16:45

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 16:41

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate perhaps the wording of my post could have been better. To clarify I’m not at all jealous. My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

I admit I was wrong to read the letter and I really wish I didn’t

Not everyone who earns high money lives a lifestyle where you could tell they earn a lot.

If you only do favours for friends that you think need your charity, then establish what they earn first. If you are doing favours based on comparative income and didn’t check, that’s your problem.

Since you attitude is ‘University = higher wages’ she may have also thought you must earn more.

You chose to go Uni, it’s not her fault that you have a chip on your shoulder about people who didn’t.

OrderConfirmation · 04/10/2022 16:45

Maybe she just wants someone she knows to mind her dog?! You’re so nosey.

Smilelesstalkmore · 04/10/2022 16:45

This is so weird.

I have friends who earn six figures and I buy them drinks sometimes, as they do for me, and would dog sit for them if they wanted me to. I earn a very low wage, despite a university education. I would find it really patronising if they started buying me, their friend, drinks all the time or wanted to pay me loads of money for dog sitting, just because they earn more than me?

MyDogStoodOnABee · 04/10/2022 16:45

What’s the saying… ‘assume makes an ass out of u and me’!

You assumed lots of things, then snooped.

BlackKittyMama · 04/10/2022 16:46

YABU because it sounds like you’ve made assumptions about her based on the fact she is careful with money and because she didn’t go to university. It sounds to me like you’ve chosen to help her out financially based on these assumptions. She hasn’t exactly lied to you, has she? Unless I’m missing something. It sounds a bit like jealousy.

BarnetTroubles · 04/10/2022 16:46

Wow, I can't believe what I'm reading!

"Accidentally stumbled across" 😂🤣🤣

If this is real, this could potentially be very outing OP and if I were your uneducated, rich friend 🤨 and identified myself, I'd be home in a shot and you'd be out my home and my life for good. One, for going through my private stuff and two, for being angry and bitter that I've been successful!

Honestly OP, you need to have a word with yourself

GyozaGuiting · 04/10/2022 16:46

My DH earns more than most of his friends who went to uni and he didn’t… I don’t know why her wage surprises you. Also you really shouldn’t have looked.

BatshitBanshee · 04/10/2022 16:47

She hasn’t said she doesn’t have money, but due to her behaviour and lack of university education it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume she was worse off than me.

You're a snob, as well as a snooper. Why would she be "worse off" just because she hasn't got a university education?

Also:

I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

These are normal friendship things to do @Emeraldi , they're not usually transactional. Also note you believed she needed help, not that she told you that. So... How does that mighty fall from your high horse "helping poor friends" feel? DFOD.

KateADM · 04/10/2022 16:47

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 16:41

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate perhaps the wording of my post could have been better. To clarify I’m not at all jealous. My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

I admit I was wrong to read the letter and I really wish I didn’t

Yes, the wording "to be disgusted by friends salary" could have been better.

waffless · 04/10/2022 16:47

Well you now where you stand now. I would not accept help if I can afford decorating or always let someone pay for me. The dog is different because she may trust you more than a kennel. I would not worry about reading the letter unless you were purposely going through her stuff which is not on. She may think you are better off but also may be taking a bit of advantage.

ncncncnc123 · 04/10/2022 16:48

@fairycakes1234 Jesus, calm down. All I meant was, why does she think her friend has done these things deliberately? I would prefer a dog sitter than a kennels, and I would prefer a dog sitter I knew to one I didn't. Perhaps this is the case for the friend. Unless she said 'please do it cheap for me, I'm so poor' then how do we know this isn't the case? As for drinks etc, maybe her friend thought she was just feeling generous. Only the OP knows how likely this is.

TraceyGerbil · 04/10/2022 16:50

Mmm, I had a friend like you once, OP. She thought she was so much better than me with her university education and assumed she was earning a lot more. She had a huge hissy fit about it being so unfair that I earned more than her (at the time my salary was in the public domain due to an FOI request so she had obviously googled it) and that she had assumed that I lived in a “shitty little flat” in South London until she came to stay. I didn’t quite know what to say at the outburst, but fortunately she left and I never heard from her again. Which was no loss.

mrsjohnnylawrence · 04/10/2022 16:50

She's not a good friend. I hope you have actual good friends. Me and my friends know each other's salaries and to be honest the ins and outs of each other's lives; that's a good friend. She sounds like a mate who is using you so really not even a mate, just a chancer who struck lucky.

Cut her off.

FlissyPaps · 04/10/2022 16:51

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 16:41

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate perhaps the wording of my post could have been better. To clarify I’m not at all jealous. My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

I admit I was wrong to read the letter and I really wish I didn’t

You are jealous. Clearly.

You’re making this worse for yourself.

BlackKittyMama · 04/10/2022 16:51

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 16:41

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate perhaps the wording of my post could have been better. To clarify I’m not at all jealous. My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

I admit I was wrong to read the letter and I really wish I didn’t

Are those things not considered normal between friends?

WahineToa · 04/10/2022 16:52

My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

what??

you only help friends if they don’t have the money physically to pay someone?

You’re a bad friend. I don’t know anyone like this thank god. Just help because it’s good to do! One day you’ll need to call on others for a hand, don’t be surprised if nobody answers.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/10/2022 16:53

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 16:41

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate perhaps the wording of my post could have been better. To clarify I’m not at all jealous. My wonky issue comes from the fact I’ve done an awful lot for her, due to the fact I believed she could use a helping hand e.g. dog sitting for a small fee, helping with decorating etc. If I’d have known she had the means to fund these things, I wouldn’t have offered my time.

I admit I was wrong to read the letter and I really wish I didn’t

So she assumed you were offering as her friend - of course you don't have to py me to watch your dog, do you want me to help yo u wallop the walls? But actually it was pity - oh bless, you've managed to afford a holiday, of course I'll look after your pet. Let me hel you with the decorating, did you manage to get some second hand tins bless you??

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/10/2022 16:53

Emeraldi · 04/10/2022 15:20

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

You were snooping.

Your friend owes you nothing; not an explanation and certainly not money.
Say nothing. Ever.
Get yourself in order.
Jealousy is poison.

Rogue1001MNer · 04/10/2022 16:54

Friendship means something very different to you, clearly.

I don't see it as transactional.
And luckily, nor do my friends