To ask what is the biggest mistake you've made in your life

[Smileeriley]

Mine is a double whammy, getting married and buying my current house.

The house in particular is a noose around my neck. I'm basically renting it from my mortgage company and it will never be mine.

Worst thing I ever did was but this house with my ex husband. He's a whole other thread.

When I first left home at 19, I rented a flat. One day there was a knock at the door. I opened it and there was a man standing there saying he was thinking about buying the flat and could he have a look round

I LET HIM IN!

Thankfully I was very poor and had nothing worth nicking but 31 years on I still shudder at my horrendous misjudgment

AsAny I agree with you, too many variables.

I have a personal belief that we are here to learn lessons and these often come from making mistakes. Ultimately they can make us stronger and wiser but it can be v painful in the short to medium term.

Yep to studying psychology. Thing is, I realised half way through the first term, it wasn't for me but I was too scared/embarrassed to change courses so stuck it out.

Also, spending my student loans on baileys and kookai clothing (remember them?). I could have bought a house outright. I will never be able to afford the same houses now.

Also, staying in my university city. I got stuck and now it wouldn't be right to uproot my family.

Hmm. Maybe uni was my big mistake! 🤣

Didn’t believe in myself - everyone told me my standards were too high, I had to compromise and to give people a chance.

ended up “giving someone a chance” and married a violent, uneducated fuckwit whose sole talent in life is finding minimum wage jobs and subsequently getting fired.

I have wonderful children and we’re long divorced - but I wish there were no legal obligation for him to be hovering around our lives.

I’ve also bought houses I regret. Mortgage doesn’t translate to “death pledge” for nothing!

Getting married to my husband even though I knew he was a controlling alcoholic. I had my DD so there was a silver lining but that was 11 years of my life which could have been much more constructively used.

Definitely not telling a few people when I was younger to f*ck off. People that were supposed to be there for me more interested in themselves and seeing me as an afterthought. Should have told them to do one rather than trying to be the perfect person.

DD1 is likely to apply for psychology; please can someone share why you regret studying it so much!

My own regret is my marriage, and for staying in it. He’s a nice man, pulls his weight (although not as much as he, and everyone else, thinks he does), good father. I don’t think I’ve ever loved him though. My first thought when my mum died was “I can get a divorce now!” That was ten years ago and I’m still here. Now my daughter has mental health problems and it would break her if we were to split up now. Neither of us are happy but I can’t see either of us ever taking the leap.

Spent 25 years of my life with a man who everyone thought was a great guy. Behind closed doors he was a nasty piece of work.

@AsAnyFuleKno

You've said exactly what I was intending to write!

Of course there are things I would have done differently if I'd had the benefit of foresight but that's how life is.

Mostly with mistakes I've made they've made me appreciate it more when things have improved - making a mess of my first friendships at college made me really value the new friends I made afterwards. I was pretty unhappy in my twenties due to being in the wrong job but my thirties were great because that job seemed so blissful in comparison!

I regret not wanting kids earlier in life

Buying my current house. I hate it, it causes me stress constantly, and I can’t afford to move so I’m stuck!

Believed my ex when he wanted to try again. And again. And again.Two years of my life wasted while he enjoyed two women competing for him and indulging his midife crisis.

I can relate... I am daughter of first line cousins. I felt shame all my life. And I had to "absorb" my mother's anger when they divorced. I knew my kids won't be 100% fine. My son was born with nose defect. And I'm pregnant again. It's very scary. I think I shouldn't have kids.

Staying in a job with a bullying line manager for 11 years.
The job was near home, the hours were good, the work was interesting and varied.
The manager had bullied people out of my position before, and 3 colleagues quit because of this manager in the first 2 years I was in post.
Her behaviour included screaming in Peoples faces, denying maternity job rights, denying time off for doctor / dental appointments against company policy.
I could go on and on, stealing holiday allowance for herself ( after she left I had access to the sheets)
She had been given a water tight contract by the company owner , who then died. They basically couldn't get rid of her.
I should never have stayed, it shattered my mental health, I ended up with anxiety and depression. I would have panic attacks returning from any annual leave because she would fabricate tasks that I either hadn't done or had done incorrectly. She was once caught by the CFO in a lie about me and wasnt arsed at all.
My family and friends all begged me to leave but I knew I was good at my job. Eventually she left.
New line manager was a reasonable person .
I should have felt good, right ? Nope, I left not long after.
I now dont trust any management, will only work on fixed term contract.
By staying I let her win.

Defo marrying my now ex. I wasted years of my life on someone who just didn’t deserve me. I don’t waste time dwelling on it much, as what’s done is done, but god, I am still so angry with myself with putting up with so much shit for so long!

Buying a house near a busy road, i
ended up living there 12 years because out DC were in good local schools. Now almost 10 years since moving every day is a blessing.

And my first job in UK. I had zero English and trusted my boss. She used me 4 years (unpaid overtime, I cleaned her house for free because I was scared, etc). Now I would simply tell her to f**k off. I really hope karma came back for her.

Far too many to list.

That's such a good point. We can't know what would have been a mistake (except the obvious - like drugs etc) We can only try things out that we think we want. No shame in that.

I know what my biggest mistake was. But I also know if I hadn't made it I would be highly unlikely to be married to DH and although our marriage is far from perfect we still like, love and respect each other and have fun together after 28 years, so although I'd never make that mistake again, I suspect if I hadn't, I'd have made other, bigger ones, like marrying the wrong man.

I'm damn sure I've made so many mistakes, but they shape your life, don't they? Onwards & upwards!
Now, if I could just erase stupid or thoughtlessly harsh things I've said to people, going back about 50 years, maybe I wouldn't keep reliving the horrors of them.. :-(

Marrying my ex.

Not following my dreams because of family expectations (linked to marrying the 'perfect' man who was a nightmare behind closed doors).
Letting my family walk all over me, as I was apparently 'the strong one' so my brother got all the financial help and support. Naturally, he now has a lifestyle I could only dream of.

I wish I’d studied psychology so there you go 😂

I always used to think I regret one thing I did and one thing I said. If I could I would take both back. But the one thing I did might have inadvertently led me to marrying lovely DH and the one thing I said was awful but I have more than made up for it and my guilt saw to that.

Every man.

Marrying my first husband.

In retrospect, I didn't have enough life experience to make a good choice.
Second time around I picked a better one.

Hindsight is always 20/20 vision 🙂