To ask what is the biggest mistake you've made in your life

[Smileeriley]

Mine is a double whammy, getting married and buying my current house.

The house in particular is a noose around my neck. I'm basically renting it from my mortgage company and it will never be mine.

Worst thing I ever did was but this house with my ex husband. He's a whole other thread.

Can't a court force a financial settlement?

@bingotime to take it to court would cost another 10k on top of the thousands I've already spent, I just don't have the money. It's a nightmare.

Having a termination 8 years ago. The guilt is always there. I didn't want to feel ill anymore (I had hyperemesis). I jumped at the first chance to end it and I have been disgusted with myself ever since. I want my baby back so much.

Buying a flat with (unknown at the time) dodgy cladding. Living at the edge of my overdraft trying to balance all the bills now and it’s so stressful due to that one shit decision 5 years ago. It’s aged me so much and dictated most major life decisions since then

getting wed

Gaining weight. I thought I was gross at size 18 - how I wish I had stayed at that weight.

Not telling all the kids who were bullying me at school to FUCK OFF - the nasty little scrotes. Not telling the school,about the bullying. Not telling my parents how desperately unhappy (even suicidal) I was because of the bullying and keeping on telling them until they actually did something to help me.

Changing jobs out of fear. I've posted about this on another thread before, the change made me mentally and physically ill for weeks. I'm a little better now but I still can't catch my breath when I think about what I gave up. Not money, the pay then and now was/is rubbish, but the second I had the interview in my previous job I knew I loved the place and can't wait to leave this current position. I'm endlessly searching for jobs, but nothing will every be the same as I had before and, honestly, I'm not sure I have the strength to start over so soon.
All because I was scared of what could have happened (but most likely wouldn't).

I wish I had stopped my DM marrying her last husband. I was only 12 when they married but he was a truly awful man. He mentally and physically abused her for over 20 years and was an utter c*cl lodger on the take. Me, my older brother and DM best friend all, saw the red flags 🚩 but she didn’t sadly. She’s divorced him now but she lost half of the proceeds of her house (bought and paid for by her alone). Mentally she’ll never recover.

Not focusing on my A levels and seeking male affection to make up for parental neglect.
Stupid 17yr old me

How long do you have? So many fuck ups I've forgotten more than I can remember. I try to forgive myself and mostly can... until it's 3am and all the bad stuff comes back to haunt me. My advice...Be as good as you can be.

Driving home after a day out and deciding to go straight home rather than call in on my parents. I was passing their town, considered calling in, but didn’t because I was tired.
Dad died that weekend.
Although I saw them on a very regular basis and phoned all the time, I wish I had called in as it would have been the last time I saw him.

I can't decide between settling down with the tosser I did or terminating our second child 😢

Don't be so sure. My husband got into about 14k of debt behind my back and I only discovered it when we moved house. He got himself into difficulty when he was unwell and wasting money on things, which I didnt realise, and whereas the initial debt wasn't actually loads in itself, compound interest over about 10 years spiralled. He was too worried to say anything. I was and am livid but I have forgiven him and he is paying it back himself. I love him and he has forgiven me for my mistakes in the past too.

@christmasbaublesandtinseltits what did you give up? X

@kittenkipping
Exactly the same has just happened to me. I gave all my love to this woman for 5 years and she did exactly the same to me and my kids. It bloody hurts and I feel so stupid to have trusted her and at 47 ended up in the sort of blocked and rejected situation my 12 year old gets into 😑

At work I used to do all my unpleasant tasks first to get them out of the way, saving the fun stuff for afterward.

The result was that I developed expertise in doing things I hated, and didn't develop skills doing the work I loved. And I think my bosses didn't even realise that I enjoyed those jobs, because I was avoiding them!

Over the years I ended up being lumbered with more and more of the hateful tasks, and it became difficult to create a CV which would encourage a prospective employer to hire me to do something I enjoyed.

I bitterly regret taking on the fight a pregnant employee had with my new employer. She manipulated me into causing a legal shitstorm. Whether it was all lies I will never know, I had to take a faux redundancy and she got to come back into the fold after threatening to sue them for £500k. Last week she was promoted into my job. I lost a fortune, the story stinks as far as recruiters are concerned and I miss my lovely team everyday. I am 15 years older than her and she had begged me to intervene as she was being bullied and discriminated against. I fell for it. Later I found out she tried to stop my appointment.
The worse part is I know she is bullying her staff and has lied on her CV.
Biggest mistake of my career and of the last few years.

That’s terrible.

You may be surprised.

My DH got us into a life changing appalling mess, covered up for years and when I found out, I was absolutely livid. But when I calmed down, we worked on things, sorted stuff out and I felt so sad for him for the burden he'd carried for so long. He hadn't been mentally well for some time but had somehow hidden it. He even invented a job he didn't actually have and left the house every day for 6 weeks....

I haven't forgotten but I've put it behind us. He's a pretty ok chap in many other respects and we do ok. None of us are perfect.

Please get help. You'll feel much better with someone on your side. Debt advisers will have heard everything, they are not judgemental, there is help for you.

@Eleusa thank you. I had no protected rights. She stamped her foot and demanded all her staff back, her job in aspic and her right to her promotion or she would ask the courts for £500k. She was my junior. She hired the late Queen's solicitor. The company had a sterling business but an appalling reputation on glassdoor etc. They asked me to accept redundancy or they would be f*ked. I fell up my sword to help them. Since then I have never heard from her and she is all over SM saying how fab the company is. I received no compensation above my notice (1 years service). I have the letters she sent insulting the owner and her staff and her allegations. The company didn't want to see them. I have always fought for the underdog. Not sure I would again. An absolute player.

I understand. Now you have a partner you love you can look back and wish you had a marriage where you were truly in love earlier. At the same time there are worse things to do than marry your friend. And you were brave to move on for something even better ❤️

Oh FancyFran that is awful. We can only hope that one day she pushes her luck too far and she is exposed for the fraud that she is and then you'll be exonerated. Sometimes people came their comeuppance.

Today I’m so happy left husband new home filled with everything I needed it’s supported housing loving it. Dwp very kind actually I now don’t even have to supply sick notes that’s was stopped very quickly. New Drs excellent all jabbed and vaccine for winter. Scammer out of life blocked everything. Please get help everyone hugs.

Oh no, that's sad. Is there another option? Is there a way to manage a second child without the tosser? I don't say that lightly, being a single parent looks tough. I think also depends on your age, how much you want a second child, and now far through the pregnancy. At my age now, 38 I'd consider keeping the second child if it was at all manageable financially. If I were much younger I'd probably not do (I appreciate it's hard for me to say when not in that situation but just saying it all depends on different factors and what you most need and want in life). I hope you have a friend to turn to, and/ or start a separate thread to find others who have a similar experience.

The lifestyle I led when I was younger that will have worsened my pcos. Like many young women eating tonnes of sugar and super sweet food like raisins, allowing myself to get very stressed including about work, drinking more alcohol than I should have. I wish I had then the advice about health I have since sought and understood why it mattered.