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To think that commenting on someone's weightloss isn't nice?

127 replies

Miajk · 02/10/2022 23:14

I've lost a fair bit of weight (probably more than 3 stone).

I understand that people of course will notice this but when someone comments on it it makes me feel really horrible.

"You look great lately, you've lost so much weight" - seems nice but just makes me feel like there was something wrong or worse about me before. It validates the way I felt being overweight (like everyone is judging the way I look).

Oddly enough, when someone just says "have you lost weight? You look slimmer/fit/smaller" it doesn't bother me as it's kind of matter of fact. But the implication that I look better due to losing weight bothers me.

I guess there's an extra layer of complexity as I was recovering from an eating disorder when I gained weight. And now it makes me so self conscious and makes me feel like I can never gain the weight back as people are so observant.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I too sensitive?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Hillcrest2022 · 02/10/2022 23:17

I lost 3 stone at one point in my life and I appreciated the compliments.

You're going to look healthier and better. I would say, enjoy the comments.

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InCheesusWeTrust · 02/10/2022 23:17

Tbh some of the looking great comes from slightly different behaviour and body carrying as well.
It's not just about the fat %. I strengthened up with every stone basically. I walk differrntly. It shows overall. Take it that way

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MrsEricBana · 02/10/2022 23:19

They're only being nice but I know what you mean. Like saying someone's new hairdo is so nice might imply their hair wasn't nice before. Don't overthink it though, it sounds as though you've done amazingly! Also, when other people lose weight it can play on people's own insecurities and they start saying things like "Oh but don't lose any more". You do you and be proud of how well you're doing 💐

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2pinkginsplease · 02/10/2022 23:20

Take it as a compliment, you obviously felt uncomfortable as your old self and have lost weight for a reason,

my mum has lost 2 stone lately, she does look great, her skin is glowing, she carries herself better and looks happier,. That she’s had loads of compliments,

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Pineappleflowers · 02/10/2022 23:22

Yanbu. It is rude to say it like that.

Like I’ve got a friend who normally looks shattered but on the rare occasions when she’s got a good nights sleep I wouldn’t dream of saying “hey you look much more awake today”. Cos that would be rude. I might say “You look nice.”

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Mamabear12 · 02/10/2022 23:22

Yea, it’s really annoying. Once I did this diet, but I couldn’t keep weight on, so lost a little too much and a few people made comments. I don’t comment when you gain weight, so don’t comment if I am too thin for your liking (I was still in healthy range). Yes, I was a little thin, but no need to make comments.

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Lalliella · 02/10/2022 23:23

But presumably you've done it partly because you want to look better? Just enjoy the compliments. Having said that I once lost 2 stone and someone asked me if I was ill! (I was still 11 stone!) I'd have preferred compliments.

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AnnaMagnani · 02/10/2022 23:25

Personally I love it.

However wait for 'you don't want to lose any more' when you are thinner than them but still off a healthy weight.

Nobody wants to lose the fat friend who makes them feel better about themselves.

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mycatisannoying · 02/10/2022 23:27

I liked the compliments when I was losing weight. I can understand why it might be difficult if you're a shy person though, and the comments are made in front of others!

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Luckycatt · 02/10/2022 23:29

It's not great to comment on someone losing weight. Or gaining it. I avoid commenting on people's weight at all. They could have lost weight through illness, loss, eating disorder, unhealthy diet.

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Luredbyapomegranate · 02/10/2022 23:30

I don’t think you are unreasonable, I don’t like it myself. But if you take it to heart you are. People mean well mostly. Just say, yeah - a bit, and move on.

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NoseyNellie · 02/10/2022 23:31

Honestly it’s just societal conditioning to ‘congratulate’ people on weight loss - They are also just making an observation but adding in the assumption that a) it was intentional and b) you must be overjoyed (since the ads for weight loss products seem to imply all your problems must now be solved)

Try & shrug off the implication that you are ‘worse’ or ‘better’ depending on your body size, you know your value isn’t based on the scales

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Miajk · 02/10/2022 23:32

Luckycatt · 02/10/2022 23:29

It's not great to comment on someone losing weight. Or gaining it. I avoid commenting on people's weight at all. They could have lost weight through illness, loss, eating disorder, unhealthy diet.

Yes I think this is where it comes from for me too.

I gained weight recovering from an eating disorder and while people probably thought I was fat I had to put my mental health first.

Now I'm back to a healthy weight but to me the more important thing would be if someone is happy/healthy and not just slim/fat. Another friend of mine has lost weight due to being really ill and she's had lots of comments on her weight too making her very uncomfortable.

Weight gain isn't always bad and weightloss isn't always good sadly :(

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Blueberry40 · 02/10/2022 23:35

As someone who struggles with disordered eating, I completely agree. Well meaning comments can be so destructive and make me feel like I am only worth something when I’m thinner. Now I’m aware of this I wouldn’t ever comment on someone’s weight loss- it’s a very personal thing.

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Verytirednow · 02/10/2022 23:38

I personally would never comment on someone’s weight! Yes fine to comment on clothes ,hair etc but actual weight is rude and intrusive.
I lost weight a few years ago and was humiliated when someone commented about how much better I looked . It is rude and bad manners .

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SpinningFloppa · 02/10/2022 23:41

I loved it! When I lost loads of weight and no one commented it made me feel sad and like I hadn’t actually lost much as it felt like it wasn’t noticeable and I thought I was deluding myself, I then lost some more and the compliments started coming in so it spurred me on to lose more when I knew the hard work was paying off.

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Bonjovispjs · 02/10/2022 23:43

I love it, shows someone is noticing all my hard work.

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DariaMorgendorffer · 02/10/2022 23:43

YANBU.

I never, ever, comment on the weight of others. Flowers.

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Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 02/10/2022 23:47

You are being unreasonable. If you were fat before and how you are less fat people will notice. It is on you how their comments make you feel.

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BlackberryCat · 02/10/2022 23:48

I don’t think we need to comment on people’s appearance.

Would we say “I like your hair cut. It looks so much better than your old style. It looked like shit before”?

It’s just rude!

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Miajk · 02/10/2022 23:50

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 02/10/2022 23:47

You are being unreasonable. If you were fat before and how you are less fat people will notice. It is on you how their comments make you feel.

I'm not sure I understand this logic tbh.

People notice a lot of things but does that mean it has to be said? If you thought someone was ugly would you tell them because it's on them how it will make them feel?

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DoodlePug · 02/10/2022 23:59

Yanbu

The implication is they thought you didn't look good before. Unless you've been publicly engaging with people about dieting they really shouldn't say anything. There was someone in the lift the a few months back saying to a colleague 'you've lost loads of weight, you look great' for colleague to reply 'I was in intensive care with covid for 3 months', that was a long ride!

I've never lost a great deal of weight but have made dramatic change to hair style and you expect people to say it looks good because it's not such a taboo subject but I was shocked by the people who told me I looked much better, CF!

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SpinningFloppa · 03/10/2022 00:00

BlackberryCat · 02/10/2022 23:48

I don’t think we need to comment on people’s appearance.

Would we say “I like your hair cut. It looks so much better than your old style. It looked like shit before”?

It’s just rude!

Yes people do say that though that new hair styles etc look better you’ve added on the “it looked shit before” but no one says that about people losing weight either that they looked shit before?! Just saying it’s an improvement of course everyone will look better at a healthier weight

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GooglyEyeballs · 03/10/2022 00:01

I think it's rude to comment on people's weight. I was always ectomorphic in a mesomorphic family who were constantly going on about my weight from a young age and jokes. Then I developed an eating disorder, shocker, and everyone and their mums (literally) had something to say about it. I've always hated comments about my body even though I've never been overweight. It's uncomfortable, it makes me hyper-aware that people ARE looking at my body and judging me for it. Angry that people feel entitled to bring up a conversation about it when it's completely inappropriate.

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Holly60 · 03/10/2022 00:05

By this logic though, can i not compliment someone on a nice new dress, because it means I didn't like the one they were wearing yesterday? Can't say I like their haircut because it would mean I didn't like their hair before?

People are commenting that your weight loss suits you. I do actually kind of understand what you mean - it sort of puts pressure on to stay thinner because now you know that they really think you look better that way. But to be honest, it's probably only the truth and they are actually meaning it as a compliment.

They are also acknowledging your hard work - everyone knows it's tough losing weight, and most people do it at least partly for their appearance, so they are just showing you that your hard work is paying off.

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