Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner upset about how much I speak to my best friend

130 replies

queenofqueens · 02/10/2022 21:21

I'm a 30 year old women, been with my partner 8 years, have two children. I am a self employed cleaner.

Tonight I was out to dinner with my partner and I'd said that I'd started getting a sore neck from holding my phone between my shoulder and ear whilst working and he asked speaking to who, I said Gemma (my best friend) and he asked, 'do you and Gemma spend hours on the phone?' I kind of laughed and said, 'well not everyday'. He is now saying it's not normal and needs to stop so thought I'd come here and ask your opinions.

I am very close with Gemma, she is my best friend, we call each other in the morning around 8 am and speak for about 45 minutes. Then we drop the kids at school and phone each other after that. If I am in someone's house cleaning and the owners aren't in then I will stay on the phone talking, this is usually for over an hour at least. If the owners are in then I will phone her in between cleans. I phone her after work but we don't speak in the evening as she knows I spend time with my family.

During the weekend we will speak periodically but never for hours on end like during the week as once again, I'm busy with my family.

She is at uni and only in 2 days so she is free to chat quite a lot, I can chat whilst getting on with work. It doesn't prevent us from doing anything, sometimes on the phone we are just chatting utter shite and sometimes we don't really say much. I just feel so comfortable with her that I can be on the phone for hours and time flies by.

Partner finds it very strange though. If I had a 9-5 job then obviously this wouldn't be possible but AIBU to say that if it's not getting in the way of work/any else then there's no harm?

OP posts:
Cigarettesaftersex1 · 02/10/2022 21:23

It's a lot of time to be spending on the phone with the same person but as you say, if it's not interfering with work/friends/family time then I guess it's fine.

Rafting2022 · 02/10/2022 21:23

Yeah it’s weird (if this is true).

Connection2Attention · 02/10/2022 21:24

Not weird at all OP. I spend hours of my life on my phone to my friends.

luxxlisbon · 02/10/2022 21:25

Bit weird to speak to your friend for 45 minutes while getting your kids ready for school in the morning. That just seems detrimental to your children. You could speak to them in the morning and give them some attention.
If you want to speak to your friend during work all day that isn’t really any of your partner’s business, but then don’t whinge about your neck being sore because you’ve been on the phone for too long.

Original poster
queenofqueens · 02/10/2022 21:25

Rafting2022 · 02/10/2022 21:23

Yeah it’s weird (if this is true).

Yes, I enjoy spending my Sunday nights (terribly hungover) making up random stories and posting them on here Confused

OP posts:
Branleuse · 02/10/2022 21:26

Its a lot of time to be spending on the phone to Gemma tbf. You call her before school for 45 mins, then after the school run, then whilst youre at work too?
Dont you have other friends and family to chat to? What about yoir kids?

Youaremysunshine14 · 02/10/2022 21:26

You spend 45 mins every morning from 8am? What are your kids doing while you’re busy chatting?

Plus a uni student up at 8am? Okaaay… 😐

GroggyLegs · 02/10/2022 21:27

He is now saying it's not normal and needs to stop

It makes no difference whether this activity is normal or not.
He has no right to tell you 'it needs to stop'.

Get some ear buds & save your neck.

namechange3394 · 02/10/2022 21:27

I'd be pretty pissed off if my cleaner was holding their phone to their ear all the time they were at mine. It must slow you down? Can you not have it on hands free?

Jellyfishguilt · 02/10/2022 21:28

Surely you run out of things to talk about?

userxx · 02/10/2022 21:29

Tell him to fuck off. I speak to my best friends each day, there's four of them so it can take a while.

Original poster
queenofqueens · 02/10/2022 21:29

Youaremysunshine14 · 02/10/2022 21:26

You spend 45 mins every morning from 8am? What are your kids doing while you’re busy chatting?

Plus a uni student up at 8am? Okaaay… 😐

She has children and is 30 so yes she is up at 8 am.

OP posts:
Original poster
queenofqueens · 02/10/2022 21:30

Jellyfishguilt · 02/10/2022 21:28

Surely you run out of things to talk about?

We really don't, we talk about anything and everything and are probably very weird.

OP posts:
Gamerlady · 02/10/2022 21:30

Seems excessive to me

Youaremysunshine14 · 02/10/2022 21:30

queenofqueens · 02/10/2022 21:29

She has children and is 30 so yes she is up at 8 am.

Show quote history

So you’re both ignoring your kids every morning in preference of gassing on the phone? That must be nice for them.

HardLanding · 02/10/2022 21:31

Youaremysunshine14 · 02/10/2022 21:26

You spend 45 mins every morning from 8am? What are your kids doing while you’re busy chatting?

Plus a uni student up at 8am? Okaaay… 😐

I was up at 6am when I was at Uni because I went in my 30s as a single mother. Not all students are teens.

OP - who’s sorting the kids if you’re on the phone from 8am?

Cigent · 02/10/2022 21:31

GroggyLegs · 02/10/2022 21:27

He is now saying it's not normal and needs to stop

It makes no difference whether this activity is normal or not.
He has no right to tell you 'it needs to stop'.

Get some ear buds & save your neck.

This. It has absolutely nothing to do with him.

Youaremysunshine14 · 02/10/2022 21:32

Cigent · 02/10/2022 21:31

This. It has absolutely nothing to do with him.

Show quote history

It does if his kids are being ignored every morning by their mum because she’d rather chat to her mate.

rainbowandglitter · 02/10/2022 21:32

That's a huge amount of time to spend on the phone to one person. I don't chat on the phone at all to my friends so don't get this at all.

Original poster
queenofqueens · 02/10/2022 21:33

The kids are eating their breakfast/getting dressed, trust me they are not sitting wanting to speak to me and if they were then I'd tell friend I'd call her back. We still interact.

OP posts:
TheBeesKnee · 02/10/2022 21:34

Get some headphones and save your neck.

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 02/10/2022 21:35

Talking while you’re working isn’t so unusual really, if you were cleaning with a colleague you got on with you’d be chatting while working.

calling at 8am while getting kids out thr door seems odd though.

autienotnaughty · 02/10/2022 21:37

The morning is weird I feel like it's a bit rude to your family. During work it's up to you. But get wireless headphones to save your neck . And ignore your partner.

tellmewhyyyyyy · 02/10/2022 21:40

My postie (who is lovely) does his entire round on the phone and always has in the all the time he's worked here (at least 8 years).

I've always wondered who he talks to.

I think chatting while cleaning is a great idea if you have hands free but it's weird to do it in the morning before school.

Youaremysunshine14 · 02/10/2022 21:41

queenofqueens · 02/10/2022 21:33

The kids are eating their breakfast/getting dressed, trust me they are not sitting wanting to speak to me and if they were then I'd tell friend I'd call her back. We still interact.

Being on the phone every morning to a friend rather than giving your attention to your kids must give them the message that she’s more your priority than they are. How sad.