Partner upset about how much I speak to my best friend

[queenofqueens]

I'm a 30 year old women, been with my partner 8 years, have two children. I am a self employed cleaner.

Tonight I was out to dinner with my partner and I'd said that I'd started getting a sore neck from holding my phone between my shoulder and ear whilst working and he asked speaking to who, I said Gemma (my best friend) and he asked, 'do you and Gemma spend hours on the phone?' I kind of laughed and said, 'well not everyday'. He is now saying it's not normal and needs to stop so thought I'd come here and ask your opinions.

I am very close with Gemma, she is my best friend, we call each other in the morning around 8 am and speak for about 45 minutes. Then we drop the kids at school and phone each other after that. If I am in someone's house cleaning and the owners aren't in then I will stay on the phone talking, this is usually for over an hour at least. If the owners are in then I will phone her in between cleans. I phone her after work but we don't speak in the evening as she knows I spend time with my family.

During the weekend we will speak periodically but never for hours on end like during the week as once again, I'm busy with my family.

She is at uni and only in 2 days so she is free to chat quite a lot, I can chat whilst getting on with work. It doesn't prevent us from doing anything, sometimes on the phone we are just chatting utter shite and sometimes we don't really say much. I just feel so comfortable with her that I can be on the phone for hours and time flies by.

Partner finds it very strange though. If I had a 9-5 job then obviously this wouldn't be possible but AIBU to say that if it's not getting in the way of work/any else then there's no harm?

Can you see any merit in what anyone has said about feeling sad your kids don't have you properly present every morning and how it means they would have to ask for your attention if they 'need' you?

Rather than chatting to them and it being a natural part of your day together, they not just see mornings as a time you're always busy on the phone.

You might think some posters have been dramatic, but can you really not see any truth to it even a bit?

You sound codependent and I can understand why this would raise a red flag for a potential partner.

I'd also think that there are probably no boundaries in what's discussed, given the excessive time taken, and wonder how discreet you were about your partner.

Also, you should be available for your kids to chat to add they get breakfast. Show an interest, be there if they want you and you'll find that they will. They don't at the moment because they can see you're not available. If you're reluctant to do so I would say that's a sign of your dependency on the friend.

“Won’t someone please think of the children?!”

Bloody hell. I was a sahm for years and now I’m not. I don’t chat to anyone in the morning other than what’s necessary because I’m not a morning person and mornings are rushed. My kids don’t seem keen to talk either. We have hours and hours and hours to talk after school and at weekends.

I have adhd and need to listen or talk to someone when I’m doing anything monotonous. It makes me productive.