To think SOMEONE must be able to do something?

[PurpleLampShades]

I am at breaking point and don’t know what to do. NO ONE will help me.
DS is just turned 16 and is in what I would call an abusive relationship with a woman in her mid-late twenties (don’t know her exact age). This has been going on for about five months and I have done everything I can think of to stop it. I’ve grounded him, taken away games consoles, stopped pocket money, stopped giving him lifts, pleaded with him, begged him, shouted at him, tried to reason/explain my concerns to him etc. I even tried speaking to her nicely and then not so nicely. Nothing has worked. She has wormed her way into his head and he does everything she tells him. Last weekend he walked out of the house and has been staying at her house with her. I’ve called the police and social services who have both done nothing. I’ve been round there everyday but he won’t (or isn’t allowed to) come to the door and she has told me to leave him alone and that he wants nothing more to do with me. I don’t believe her. What can I do? I really need advice on what I can do to help him? AIBU to think the police or SS should be able to do something?

Are yku seriously suggesting he should be left there ?

What I am suggesting is that it's not as clear cut as you're making out. The OP is raising concerns (rightly) and the police are going over to do a welfare check. OP says herself they haven't promised her they'll be bringing him home. If they are satisfied he is safe and well, then what grounds do they to drag someone who is legally old enough to leave home, back against their will? THAT would be abusive.

Fingers crossed the sight of the police brings him to his senses and he comes home of his own accord.

Of course the relationship is abusive

he is a child she is a much older adult

I would keep reporting but also telling him he can come home, you might think it’s wrong becuase she is so much older and he has so much ahead of him (rather than stating it is wrong) at his age often you think you know everything and with her in his ear you will be in the wrong and not understand their relationship

what a horrible situation let’s hope she gets bored soon this is what she probably end the relationship sooner than anything else

What about his friends? Would a sympathetic one be able to just let you know if he’s ok?

OP, @stillvicarinatutu has the most sensible advice. I hadn’t thought of county lines. I can’t imagine why a woman 25+ would take up with a lad who is only just 16 ( and it sounds like they were already together before he was 16) It’s weird.
Please keep on with the police, insist they check out who this woman is, if she’s known to them etc.,,
I wish you the best of luck and I hope it is all resolved soon.

Give over forcing a child home for their own well-being is not abusive

the only abuse going on is from this women

The information you are
Googling is a
Guide .

If there are safety concerns regarding the CHILD- then it should be assessed on merit .

You are not suggesting police have no power to i tervene say if a 16 year old moves into a crack den or brothel ? How
Does anyone know who this 27 year old is?

What is her interest in a 16 year old child ?
Is she giving him drugs or booze ?
Letting others in for all nighters?
Involved in CSE or county lines ?

Yku aren't suggesting that just because he is 16 (and still a minor!) he should be left there ?

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing and this thread proves it .
Stop Googling.

Start listening.

Give over forcing a child home for their own well-being is not abusive

All they would have is the mother's allegations (which presumably the boy and his paramour are going to deny).

He is over 16, hence has the right to leave home. That doesn't mean I don't think he's making awful decisions (he is).

Are you seriously suggesting he should be left there ?

Not me either. I'm suggesting OP gets sound advice from a reputable organisation or source, and not to rely on Mumsnet advice where there is no knowing who is giving the advice.

I've been in a similar situation to your son. I was a teen and with a guy in his mid twenties and he was exceptionally abusive. Unfortunately trauma bonding is a thing so I was obsessed with him.
The more my mum pushed, the more I pulled away from her.

You've done the right thing asking the police for a welfare check and contacting his college but ultimately, he's unlikely to leave her until he's ready to and chasing him will just make him run further to her.

Take a step back to make it appear that you're ok with their relationship for now. Wait for him to trust you again and then give him all the support he needs when he's away from her.
Take him on holiday without her if you can. Have a week or two away and try and get him away from his phone. Just have a lovely time with him without even mentioning her and maybe he'll start to confide in you about what's going on behind closed doors.

I've been here since 2007 - became a police officer just after .

Many here know me and I used to do meet-ups and had a lot of folk here in my fb until I got stalked .

My advice
Is 100% from an operational police officer with many years experience- choose to believe me or don't . I was well known on here as a cop and always have been .

@stillvicarinatutu genuinely interested - what happens if she isn't doing any of those things?

What if it is just (!!!) a relationship with a 16 year old - no county lines, no drugs, booze etc? So there isn't a safety concern - could you still remove him?

If she was having a relationship with him before he turned 16, that is considered grooming etc, I would contact social services and state the police are failing to take their duty of care and safeguarding regulations seriously

Start listening.

Stop googling the NSPCC and Met guidelines and take the word of a rando who claims to be a police officer on Mumsnet?

OP has stated the police have told her they will do a welfare check but have not promised they will bring him home. Presumably because if they are satisfied he is safe and well, they do not have grounds to remove someone is who is legally old enough to leave home.

He isn't in a crack den or a brothel. He has formed a relationship with a woman and neither of them are doing anything illegal (although I agree she sounds like a nutter).

If you think the police are in dereliction of duty by not bodily dragging him out of this woman's home and returning him to his mother, maybe you can DM the OP for details and give them a call?

We don’t have ‘statutory rape’ in the UK.

and legally a female cannot rape a male in the UK

I’m just sitting here now waiting. It could be hours couldn’t it? Before they go round there.

Absolutely horrified at the responses to 'just leave him to it' wow no, just no. If this was my child I'd have smacked the shit out of her by now cause no way I could just let this grown woman take my CHILD away like that. Couldn't give a rats arse what the age of consent is. Mid twenties going for a 16 year old and obviously in contact before turning sixteen??... makes me sick to my stomach!

OP are you in Scotland by any chance?

This

The police are going round though.

Yes it could .
I would be a little more proactive- but you've called now .
You must ask them when they get back to you if they can submit child concern forms and obviously what they found .
Did you tell them his access to his phone is monitored and restricted?
Did you mention grooming/cse?

The more informed you are the less likely you are to be fobbed off .
And I hope it's a double crewed car with a male and female cop - preferably with a bit of wool on their back .

Short answer is yes .

While ever he is a minor and mum has PR then yes . It would need to be assessed on merit however.

@Butchyrestingface ,

please be assured that @stillvicarinatutu is not “some rando “
but is the voice of reason on this thread.

@stillvicarinatutu I appreciate your answer, thank you.

Thanks .
I've said I can't DM mum as I'm using the app. Else I would have by now trust me .

This response is horrific, please ignore this! Good Lord.