To think SOMEONE must be able to do something?

[PurpleLampShades]

I am at breaking point and don’t know what to do. NO ONE will help me.
DS is just turned 16 and is in what I would call an abusive relationship with a woman in her mid-late twenties (don’t know her exact age). This has been going on for about five months and I have done everything I can think of to stop it. I’ve grounded him, taken away games consoles, stopped pocket money, stopped giving him lifts, pleaded with him, begged him, shouted at him, tried to reason/explain my concerns to him etc. I even tried speaking to her nicely and then not so nicely. Nothing has worked. She has wormed her way into his head and he does everything she tells him. Last weekend he walked out of the house and has been staying at her house with her. I’ve called the police and social services who have both done nothing. I’ve been round there everyday but he won’t (or isn’t allowed to) come to the door and she has told me to leave him alone and that he wants nothing more to do with me. I don’t believe her. What can I do? I really need advice on what I can do to help him? AIBU to think the police or SS should be able to do something?

I commend your passion @stillvicarinatutu but if it was so clearcut and obvious, why has the OP already been brushed off by the Police? You say we’re not taking it seriously…Let’s hope the next time she rings she gets someone like you.

Anyone can raise a safeguarding concern.. Contact your local authority child safeguarding department tomorrow..

I don't care if someone on the phone has said they won't be interested.

Mum must ring back using the phrase child concern, she needs to say I have PR , I know nothing about this adult he is with , I want him home and safeguarding implemented.

I'm astounded she appears to have been fobbed off - but she needs to call back and not take no for an answer. The fact is she has Pr and can demand he is brought home with or without his agreement.
Phrases like CSE and county lines plus a possible sexual relationship between a child (yes ok he's over age of consent but it's still a safeguarding issue as she is 27) will get a response.
If it doesn't I'll bloody ring them
Myself! If we're not in the app I'd have pmd op but this is best I can do .

Please op listen to me and the other professionals who have posted - not the half arsed ones but the lady who manages the multi agency meetings and me !

This situation can and should be acted on . If not complain complain complain!

Is it possible that taking a step back, stopping the pushing/pleasing/punishing, allowing him the autonomy to make his own mistakes and giving him an emotionally safe landing when it all comes crashing could give different results?

I do get that in principle but would you honestly be saying that if this was a 16 year old girl with a man in his mid twenties?

Different rules in Scotland .

How would I take him home ?
Willingly or unwillingly. I'm good at talking- I'd hope to persuade him but ultimately he would be told he IS going home . Unwilling- I'd fold him up and put him in the car or van . He would be going home . End of .

Yes I would!!

Hi,

I'm soooo sorry to hear you are in this situation but yes as a teacher everyone has a duty to safeguard. He is still seen as a child, maybe you need to use the terminology Safeguarding issue, lack of balance in power, risk of exploitation county lines, you could also threaten to make a formal complaint if they really aren't willing to take concerns seriously.

So would you guard him 24 hours a day?

Different rules in Scotland .

I quoted the NSPCC rules that apply to England and Wales. A young person has the right to leave home at 16. That is what the site says - are you saying the NSPCC information is incorrect?

Whilst their parents retain parent responsibility, it does not say anything about them having the right to demand a 16-17 year old is forcibly returned to their home.

How would I take him home ?

Willingly or unwillingly. I'm good at talking- I'd hope to persuade him but ultimately he would be told he IS going home . Unwilling- I'd fold him up and put him in the car or van . He would be going home . End of .

Ah nice, good old police assault. Sure warms the cockles of the heart.

Sexual exploitation now part of the keeping children safe in education document, speak to tutors. Safeguarding is a responsibility of all.

They are going to go round and check on him. I don’t know when, but I have an incident number now and they said they’d phone me back. I used the words said here about safeguarding concerns and parental responsibility and tried to be factual not emotional. They didn’t say they would bring him home though, just they’d check he’s ok.

Im not meaning to be controlling if that how it seems. I’m just really scared and feel helpless. I’m going to try to be more calm. I want to text him but I’m worried she’ll see it.

Ex, whose DS’s dad, died in an accident three years ago. We split up when DS was 5. He didn’t see him much.

Oh behave good old fashioned police assault my arse .

A 16 year old can leave home WITH CONSENT.
In this case he has no consent and he could be in danger from CSE or county lines .

This warrants action by police and to help mum .

I have never had to resort to force - but I'm saying he would be told he is going home and generally kids choose to go willingly.

But telling him he doesn't have a choice and you mean it speaks volumes .

And ultimately pray pray pray even if you have an inkling of faith of a superpower beyond and behind the universe. Pray that he sees the light and understands how wrong this whole situation is.

Sincerely hope he comes back home soon.

I’m in a similar situation in my 18-year-old is going to move in with her weed smoking 23-year-old boyfriend. I fear that my daughter is going to end up working herself into the ground to maintain his habit he’s already proved himself unreliable in terms of holding down any kind of job but I’m completely powerless to stop her moving in with him, my ex-husband is actually helping her to pack.
literally all you can do is just be there to pick the pieces up when it inevitably goes pear-shaped. and pray they don’t get pregnant.

A 16 year old can leave home WITH CONSENT.

That is not what the NSPCC says. I'll ask you again - are you saying the information on their site is incorrect?

I’m glad to hear that OP. I’m sure they’ll have a good eye to suss out the situation and will intervene if they feel he is at risk. Fingers crossed

@AuntSalli what an awful situation. Sending best wishes

Op - you need more than a welfare check .

He needs to come home . You have evidence she is monitoring his
Phone . That's not on . Please be a little
More proactive and tell them what you want .

Fingers crossed the welfare check will ease your mind a bit OP, even if it sounds unlikely he'll be returning tonight.

@PurpleLampShades sorry no useful advice but I really feel for you. Hope you can find a resolution

Isn’t coercive control a crime now so if he’s been prevented from accessing his phone is that not a criminal offence. I don’t know I’m just throw it out there

Does it not also say if there are no
Safety concerns ?

Well clearly here there are .
She is controlling.
He is a
Victim of grooming and CSE

And god knows what else .

Are yku seriously suggesting he should be left there ?

Same here. Accusing the OP of being controlling?!? FFS he’s her sixteen year old son. What kind of 27 year old woman hangs out with a child? Does she actually see him as a partner? And if she does she’s got a screw loose. Or it is drug related? County lines? Or is she involved in CSE? None of it is good and sitting back and letting it happen is the last thing OP should do.

The Australian thread was entirely different because the poster’s son was dating a fellow teen.

My 15 year old friend dated a 24 year old and instead of thinking why the hell was he involved with a child, we thought he was so cool to be hanging out with 🙄

I really feel for you OP. I’d be terrified knowing my child was sleeping in a stranger’s home. I hope this is resolved quickly.

Not what the Met Police website says either. (Again)

www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/missing-person/missing-persons/advice-rights-if-you-want-to-leave-home/

I have absolute sympathy for the OP and the hell she is going through, but it is not right to be giving her false hope.

You know this is so ironic.

Normally police are lambasted for doing fuck all .

I'm telling you all what CAN be done and no one is listening instead choosing to Google information that actually doesn't help or is relevant here .

Almost laughing but it isn't funny .

There are clear safety concerns.

If this were your children would you be having a go at a police officer whose saying they could help ?