Do I chase RSVP? Aibu to leave it. Assume it’s a no show?

[Charliehaus]

Hello Mn,

Originally posted on wedding forum but for traffic I’ve moved it to here…. we are getting married soon and our RSVP deadline for has now gone.

i have a ‘friend’ who i feel is purposely keeping me hanging and not replying. Tbh she makes zero effort and i wouldn’t have invited her but it’s to make one of my bridesmaids happy. We used to be good friends but it’s all one way effort which I have given up on.

She lives in the states with her husband and I heard nothing from her so I thought she may not have received our invite.i messaged her yesterday, a lovely message and asked if she received our invited. She replied ‘yes’
but still no rsvp (by now she surely would have had to book flights and know if she’s back in the uk). I do try and keep in contact but she ignores my messages most of the time and makes it very clear she’s bored etc

But I hear from my friend/bridesmaid second hand that she’s booked flights and coming to the wedding which I think is entitled if she has been off with me and hasn’t rsvp’d us. It’s also awkward and makes me feel crap that I hear this second hand. It’s like I’m not good enough to be spoken to directly.

the question is what do I do? Do I message her again and ask her to rsvp?

I know it sounds ridiculous but I’m quite uncomfortable with her and feel like I’m begging her to come or at least make a thing of it which I don’t want.

im no longer close to her and she always manages to make me feel silly and shit about myself.

I obviously need final numbers

if it wasn’t for my bridesmaid I would have completely broken off the friendship and just sent a message if at all to say the deadline has passed.

thank you x

I am surprised that even after all this time, this woman has still not even extended you the courtesy of an RSVP! Even your bridesmaid should have told her by now to respond as soon as possible, but it seems as if she is a bit timid in that department. You are right to not want her in the middle of this. My note to her would be, "Telling my BM your plans, is not the same as telling ME, so since you have NOT RSVP'd to ME, you have been removed from the guest list.

As someone said earlier, she should never have been invited in the first place, and your BM needs to stop associating with this woman, and begging you to be friends with her! I bet she is probably using your friend as a 'go between' for all kinds of shit!

Dump her from both of your lives, take your BM out for lunch, and school her about dealing with these kinds of people. She may be taking advantage of you BM, and making her feel grateful for the privilege. Put a stop to that now!! Have a great, and beautiful wedding!!

Exactly this. Except you don't need to involve the other bridesmaid. That is going to cause friction. She person in question is relaying messages through a mutual party even though she has your info. Be a little petty and just show the third party that you have reached out with no response. It's your wedding and she's communicating like it's the bridesmaids.

Tell the party in question that she needs to confirm with YOU. Not the bridesmaid or the mil or brother, etc. Give a deadline and stick with it. When she shows(cause she will) oops your not on the list and not able to come in...no excuse no exceptions