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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious at another Mum

172 replies

Pastryapronsucks · 01/10/2022 21:59

What are your thoughts about this? My 13 nearly 14 YO DD went to
the park with 4 friends this afternoon. She text to say they popping in to 1 of their home let's call him Dave (she hasn't been before). 40 mins later she was home and absolutely fine.

About an hour later she ran out to me in the garden in floods of tear. Daves mum had called her on his phone demanding my number and our address, she threatened if DD didn't give it to her she would call the school on Monday. She accused DD of taking gin. DD absolutely denied it and said she was only in the kitchen a few minutes nor did she think any of the others would.

I had a missed call from the woman so rang her back she said she was calling me because she was 'concerned and thought I should be aware of this worrying behaviour'. Apparently 500ml of gin had gone (that's nearly a pint FFS). I told her I had spoken to DD and has flatly denied it. The woman then said DD had slurred when she spoke to her on the phone (DD has a lisp). She rode her bike home and was talking perfectly lucidly. I am 100% certain she hasn't drunk anything.

The woman accused me of ignoring this behaviour and I am storing up trouble for myself in the future and will regret it! At this point I was quite angry and asked what grounds she had to acuse my DD and suggested that she allows young people in her home she should take more responsibility, or perhaps look to her own son. I told her I am extremely unhappy that she approached and accused my daughter and has caused her so much distress, poor thing was absolutely distraught and thinks she is going to get into trouble at school.

The woman said things have been disappearing in her home. I reminded her DD had never been round before and will certainly never be visiting again. The woman said she clearly wasnt getting anywhere so would be calling the school on Monday.

I think she has been trying to get the numbers of the other children and DD has been told never to give information to any one again but to come directly to us. I am realybshaken up by the whole thing. This isn't normal is it?

OP posts:
MissHavershamReturns · 01/10/2022 22:01

That is awful op. Might be worth preemptive strike with school by calling them?

CushyCushions · 01/10/2022 22:03

Email don't call

HelloDoggy · 01/10/2022 22:04

Sounds like Dave's mum may have an alcohol.problem. She can't find her gin and needs it so is getting angry. I feel sorry for Dave to be fair

In terms of you and your daughter, just ignore her. Block her. I expect school.are aware of her.

Maybe let school know as it may add some safeguarding concerns for Dave.

Original poster
Pastryapronsucks · 01/10/2022 22:04

MissHavershamReturns · 01/10/2022 22:01

That is awful op. Might be worth preemptive strike with school by calling them?

I might just do, but I don't want to be 'that parent' that drags thevschool into out-of school issues. I am totally shocked by the whole thing.

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 01/10/2022 22:05

Yes I also vote phone the school first thing on Monday. FWIW the woman sounds unhinged to be phoning DD and making allegations like that. Do you know any of the other parents of the kids DD was with well? I'd probably phone them too to see if they got the same rant from her. Stupid woman.

properdoughnut · 01/10/2022 22:06

Email the school. She sounds like she has issues.

sqirrelfriends · 01/10/2022 22:07

Call the school on Monday to let them know.

FayeGovan · 01/10/2022 22:08

Shes got a drink problem hasn't she

WhiskersPete · 01/10/2022 22:09

It has nothing to do with the school. Why would she ring them?

Wheelerdeeler · 01/10/2022 22:09

It has nothing to do with the school and I'd bet she won't be so irate Monday & won't call them either

SirChenjins · 01/10/2022 22:14

She sounds bonkers - either that, or we all know where the gin went. Definitely phone the school on Monday morning to pre-empt things and then I wouldn’t allow her to go round to that house again.

Eupraxia · 01/10/2022 22:15

Pastryapronsucks · 01/10/2022 22:04

I might just do, but I don't want to be 'that parent' that drags thevschool into out-of school issues. I am totally shocked by the whole thing.

Show quote history

I'm DSL in school. If you report, it would come to me to action. I am also parents to four teens / preteens who are not angels.

I say DO NOTHING.

Don't report to school. Don't respond to other parent.

Ideal solution - let thus allow blow over and minimise drama.

If not - respond when school contact you. They may well not. If they do, just say as it is - you are aware of allegations bit have no evidence, your DC presented as fine when home. End of. It will blow over

Original poster
Pastryapronsucks · 01/10/2022 22:15

WhiskersPete · 01/10/2022 22:09

It has nothing to do with the school. Why would she ring them?

That's exactly what I thought. I think she was implying she would tell the school what bad parent I am for not believing my daughter drank a pint of her gin!

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 01/10/2022 22:16

Why do MN phone the school for
matters occurring outside of school? I have never come across anyone with that thinking in RL.
So if Daves mum had turned up drunk at your house would you tell
school?
Schools have enough to do without every parent running to them about things they should handle
themselves; outwith school hours.

CuriousCatfish · 01/10/2022 22:18

What exactly has it to do with the school?

Mumdiva99 · 01/10/2022 22:19

She sounds unhinged. I would just ignore it and not send/allow your daughter around again. But make the boy welcome at yours instead.

Georgeskitchen · 01/10/2022 22:19

Don't engage with the woman again and don't ring school. She sounds batshit and don't let your daughter go round again

WhiskersPete · 01/10/2022 22:21

@Pastryapronsucks

I'm a teacher and honestly, the school won't even give this the time of day. There is literally nothing they could, or should, do about this.

I reckon the friend has done it and blamed it on your DD though.

Original poster
Pastryapronsucks · 01/10/2022 22:26

It's Daves Mum who is threatening to go to the school. My DD has never been in trouble at school and is now terrified she is going to be put in isolation. We have tried to reasure her that the woman is talking nonsense. I am so blimmin angry.

OP posts:
Boujisboo · 01/10/2022 22:31

Actually school should know for info purposes. What if said child is on a child protection plan. Or they have concerns for them?
i say phone school let them know but don’t expect them to action anything

NeedAHoliday2021 · 01/10/2022 22:32

When I was 14 my friend’s mum found out her daughter had been giving bjs to a group of boys. My friend told me but had to explain what it was as I had no clue. A few days after she told me her mum somehow found out and called our house phone. Luckily she got hold of my dad as he’s ace. She declared that her daughter was doing this and it was all my fault because I was leading her astray and she was banned from our house, walking to school with me or ever hanging out. Dad calmly replied in a clever way that I can’t quite remember now (it was 26 years ago). Knowing my dad believed me meant everything.

some parents are just mad. Don’t bother trying to understand.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 01/10/2022 22:33

Oh I’d email the form tutor to make them aware there was an incident and claims made you fully believe to be untrue. While there’s no need for school involvement, their awareness may be helpful.

BatshitBanshee · 01/10/2022 22:33

Pastryapronsucks · 01/10/2022 22:26

It's Daves Mum who is threatening to go to the school. My DD has never been in trouble at school and is now terrified she is going to be put in isolation. We have tried to reasure her that the woman is talking nonsense. I am so blimmin angry.

Best case scenario she's a raging alcoholic that will come to her senses tomorrow and realise she has sunk the gin herself.
Worst case scenario, she is actually an unhinged bat and will try front up DD at school. If she can lie that easily, she has no qualms about escalating her nonsense.

That's why I'd get in with the school first, to protect DD.

How2Support · 01/10/2022 22:37

No preemptive call to school. Yes it is bizarre. Don't respond. Comfort your daughter.

SirChenjins · 01/10/2022 22:41

NeedAHoliday2021 · 01/10/2022 22:33

Oh I’d email the form tutor to make them aware there was an incident and claims made you fully believe to be untrue. While there’s no need for school involvement, their awareness may be helpful.

This. If your DD is going to school on Monday feeling scared because of some loon then a quick call to her tutor to let her know what this other mum has threatened is a good idea.