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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious at another Mum

172 replies

Pastryapronsucks · 01/10/2022 21:59

What are your thoughts about this? My 13 nearly 14 YO DD went to
the park with 4 friends this afternoon. She text to say they popping in to 1 of their home let's call him Dave (she hasn't been before). 40 mins later she was home and absolutely fine.

About an hour later she ran out to me in the garden in floods of tear. Daves mum had called her on his phone demanding my number and our address, she threatened if DD didn't give it to her she would call the school on Monday. She accused DD of taking gin. DD absolutely denied it and said she was only in the kitchen a few minutes nor did she think any of the others would.

I had a missed call from the woman so rang her back she said she was calling me because she was 'concerned and thought I should be aware of this worrying behaviour'. Apparently 500ml of gin had gone (that's nearly a pint FFS). I told her I had spoken to DD and has flatly denied it. The woman then said DD had slurred when she spoke to her on the phone (DD has a lisp). She rode her bike home and was talking perfectly lucidly. I am 100% certain she hasn't drunk anything.

The woman accused me of ignoring this behaviour and I am storing up trouble for myself in the future and will regret it! At this point I was quite angry and asked what grounds she had to acuse my DD and suggested that she allows young people in her home she should take more responsibility, or perhaps look to her own son. I told her I am extremely unhappy that she approached and accused my daughter and has caused her so much distress, poor thing was absolutely distraught and thinks she is going to get into trouble at school.

The woman said things have been disappearing in her home. I reminded her DD had never been round before and will certainly never be visiting again. The woman said she clearly wasnt getting anywhere so would be calling the school on Monday.

I think she has been trying to get the numbers of the other children and DD has been told never to give information to any one again but to come directly to us. I am realybshaken up by the whole thing. This isn't normal is it?

OP posts:
Venuz · 02/10/2022 18:29

I don't understand. What possible business of the school could this be? What a nutter.

onthetiles · 02/10/2022 18:38

Just another thought. If Daves mum genuinely was concerned, surely she'd want a quiet word, rather than go off on one. Well that's how I'd deal with it. Along the lines of " a few kids were round today and some of them may have taken some gin as I have some missing" and just checking she got home safely and is ok. Not all guns blazing. Hope all OK.

Hmm1234 · 02/10/2022 18:47

I think it’s her own daughter taking things from the house and alcohol! And maybe lying to mother so she doesn’t get into trouble. Call the school yourself and see if they can hold a meeting with all of girls friends who have been to the house.

Atmywitsend29 · 02/10/2022 18:55

Dave's drank that gin, mum's noticed, he's dropped the other kids in it to cover his own arse.

Looby57 · 02/10/2022 18:58

I’d be tempted to make this woman shut up lol

Hbee88 · 02/10/2022 19:05

This sounds awful. What on earth does the school have to do with this though?

evian76 · 02/10/2022 19:15

Maybe Dave downed the gin to cope with his crazy mother. Sorry you are going through this, I’d just say in future Dave can come to your house but your daughter will not be going to Dave’s. Clearly your daughter is innocent here. It’s totally irresponsible to have alcohol available to be honest, it should be in a really high cupboard or something, I had to get a chair to reach my mother’s when I was a teen😂

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 02/10/2022 19:22

CheezePleeze · 01/10/2022 22:46

It's interesting that 3 people think the mother has a drink problem.

My money's on Dave nicking the gin, intending to share it with the others over the park.

Yeah, I think Dave took it to be the big man. His mum noticed it was missing so he blamed your dd because he doesn’t know her that well.

tracylamont13 · 02/10/2022 19:39

What has it got to do with the school?

3peassuit · 02/10/2022 19:46

Don’t report it School. They have enough to do in school hours without listening to tales like this.

Buffs · 02/10/2022 19:47

Don’t call the school, concentrate on your daughter - tell her we can’t control what other people do but we don’t need to get upset about irrational people.

Weirdlynormal · 02/10/2022 19:56

I once drank half a pint of spirits at a friends. The parents did notice, mainly due to the sick in the bathroom and the comatose teenager in their spare room.

My friend got into trouble.

HeadAboveTheParapet · 02/10/2022 20:00

CheezePleeze · 01/10/2022 22:46

It's interesting that 3 people think the mother has a drink problem.

My money's on Dave nicking the gin, intending to share it with the others over the park.

Mine too!

I remember my DH being blamed for porn on the family pc when he stayed for the weekend.
He'd never even touched the pc.
I was he only one who pointed out they had a 14year old boy in the house with unlimited access to the internet.....
Guess who's porn it was!

I'd say one of the teens did take the gin. Although gin is vile.

Wibbly1008 · 02/10/2022 20:06

500mls?! Your daughter would never have rode her bike home at all!!! The woman is either alcoholic or her own kids are stealing from her, either way not your problem. Tell your daughter this is sadly her first altercation with an unhinged woman, but people like this do exist. Then put it all to bed. This woman is never calling the school, she was probably pissed when she rang you!

JudgeJ · 02/10/2022 20:20

MissHavershamReturns · 01/10/2022 22:01

That is awful op. Might be worth preemptive strike with school by calling them?

I love the way that parents seem to drag school into any spat, this is between the families, schools have enough to deal with and yes, I know that the cop-out phrase 'safeguarding' will appear. 'Safeguarding' excuse isn't there to absolve parents of responsibility.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 02/10/2022 20:30

I'd get in touch with the school.
If only to give them the heads up about this parent and her issue with alcohol and her own child.
Tell them what happened, as you have her.

mam0918 · 02/10/2022 21:07

I would report it to the school.

You need to report to the school that DD is being harrased threatened by another parent who is abelist (commenting on her speech issues) and that this women is to have absoloutly NOTHING to do with your child.

Jaxinthebox · 02/10/2022 21:09

Id have a chat with DD and ask her to stay away from Dave. Why the mother called you, I have no idea. Im sure there is more to this than her just calling you and accusing DD.

Hope DD is ok.

WhiskersPete · 02/10/2022 21:19

Call the school yourself and see if they can hold a meeting with all of girls friends who have been to the house.

What a ludicrous suggestion. With the aim of what exactly? Don't you think schools have enough to do without parenting irrelevant incidents that happen outside of school? Do you actually know what a school is for?

It's no wonder education is on its knees in this country.

Faith77 · 02/10/2022 21:22

As the daughter of a batsht crazy mother who followed through with threats to turn up at school & make a scene in front of my friends, losing me some of them in the process, it is probably worth giving school a call just to mention it. Yes, the OP's problem happened outside school, & if it were just* issues between the kids then it wouldn't be worth mentioning. However, this is an actual parent, a grown ass adult, harassing children, so it is probably worth giving them a head's up, just in case the mother turns up there to confront the other children. It may be unlikely, &, yes, teachers have better things to do than get involved in external issues, but if there is the potential for it to spill onto school premises then they might appreciate the opportunity to prevent it from escalating.
I was lucky in that I wasn't actually at school when my mum decided to go on her embarrassing rampage (my siblings and I had been removed from her care and relocated at the time), & that teachers were able to deal with it swiftly & many of my friends were aware she was bonkers, but poor 'Dave', along with the OP's daughter and the other friends involved, might not be so lucky if this mother is as unhinged as she sounds. After my experiences as a teenager, I wouldn't risk it, personally.

bluesapphire48 · 02/10/2022 21:40

This woman is making a false accusation, and it sounds like SHE has an alcohol problem. As far as I'm concerned, anybody who keeps hard liquor in the house has an alcohol problem.

If you didn't notice any suspicious behavior on your daughter's part, then clearly it is a false accusation. If you can, why don't you accompany your daughter to school on Monday, and ask to speak to the principal? This woman should not be allowed on campus to harass and intimidate your daughter. She really has no business involving the school in her drinking problem, but if she interferes with your daughter's education, then the school needs to be aware of the problem. From YOUR point of view.

70billionthnamechange · 02/10/2022 21:48

bluesapphire48 · 02/10/2022 21:40

This woman is making a false accusation, and it sounds like SHE has an alcohol problem. As far as I'm concerned, anybody who keeps hard liquor in the house has an alcohol problem.

If you didn't notice any suspicious behavior on your daughter's part, then clearly it is a false accusation. If you can, why don't you accompany your daughter to school on Monday, and ask to speak to the principal? This woman should not be allowed on campus to harass and intimidate your daughter. She really has no business involving the school in her drinking problem, but if she interferes with your daughter's education, then the school needs to be aware of the problem. From YOUR point of view.

So literally everyone who has gin, vodka etc in their house has an alcohol problem? Wowzers I'm fucked

Smallbaby · 02/10/2022 21:49

Don't allow dd to her house again.
That is all you need to do.

70billionthnamechange · 02/10/2022 21:49

I do agree that this woman has a problem by the way, just this PP is a bit off saying anyone with a spirit in the house has a problem (well, ALOT off)

ozymandiusking · 02/10/2022 22:07

If I were you I would follow Eupraxia's advice. It's nothing to do with the school, and will blow over.