Furious at another Mum

[Pastryapronsucks]

What are your thoughts about this? My 13 nearly 14 YO DD went to
the park with 4 friends this afternoon. She text to say they popping in to 1 of their home let's call him Dave (she hasn't been before). 40 mins later she was home and absolutely fine.

About an hour later she ran out to me in the garden in floods of tear. Daves mum had called her on his phone demanding my number and our address, she threatened if DD didn't give it to her she would call the school on Monday. She accused DD of taking gin. DD absolutely denied it and said she was only in the kitchen a few minutes nor did she think any of the others would.

I had a missed call from the woman so rang her back she said she was calling me because she was 'concerned and thought I should be aware of this worrying behaviour'. Apparently 500ml of gin had gone (that's nearly a pint FFS). I told her I had spoken to DD and has flatly denied it. The woman then said DD had slurred when she spoke to her on the phone (DD has a lisp). She rode her bike home and was talking perfectly lucidly. I am 100% certain she hasn't drunk anything.

The woman accused me of ignoring this behaviour and I am storing up trouble for myself in the future and will regret it! At this point I was quite angry and asked what grounds she had to acuse my DD and suggested that she allows young people in her home she should take more responsibility, or perhaps look to her own son. I told her I am extremely unhappy that she approached and accused my daughter and has caused her so much distress, poor thing was absolutely distraught and thinks she is going to get into trouble at school.

The woman said things have been disappearing in her home. I reminded her DD had never been round before and will certainly never be visiting again. The woman said she clearly wasnt getting anywhere so would be calling the school on Monday.

I think she has been trying to get the numbers of the other children and DD has been told never to give information to any one again but to come directly to us. I am realybshaken up by the whole thing. This isn't normal is it?

Things have been going missing ?, so she pins the blame on someone who has only visited once ?

It's interesting that 3 people think the mother has a drink problem.

My money's on Dave nicking the gin, intending to share it with the others over the park.

This makes me sad, sounds like she was pretty disturbed to have been doing that at 14.

I'm sure OP's daughter didn't do it but it's definitely a strong possibility that one (some) of the teens have stolen the alcohol. We used to raid home-bars at that age quite regularly and even top up with water what we decanted elsewhere...

Sounds like her son is stealing and has thrown your DD under the bus when his mum has got suspicious. I’d call school and say you are worried as this parent bas threatened and scared your DD to get in there first.

I wouldn't contact school. They won't be interested in this at all.

If you do contact the school I think it should purely from the perspective of your DD being upset and worried she might be in trouble at school. You could even omit who the (batshit) parent is. If the crazy mum does call school, school will put two and two together, but you will have maintained the moral high ground by simply focusing on your daughter's understandable concern.

I would speak to your DD about the behaviour policy and show her there’s nothing in it to suggest bat shit parents making false accusations aren’t in it.

Has she messaged Dave to see if he’s ok?

The one of the kid/s have nicked or drunk the gin even if not dd.

I think I would have just thanked the mother for informing me and told her I would talk to dd and not engaged with the mother.

I asked if Dave drinks, but she said no. We are quite an open family and she is allowed to have a little snowball or bucks fizz at Christmas, she don't like it much. Hopefully we will all feel better tommorow.

I think you should inform school so they are aware. It could be a safeguarding issue for Dave - but that would be for them to deal with (they may or may not have info from other sources to assess level of concern).

I’d hazard a guess that if she does contact the school, it won’t be the first time she has done so and the school will be well aware of her and her possible issues.

I’d be really shaken up too OP.

Obviously your DD should never go to that house again. Poor Dave must be so embarrassed. What had he go say about it all?

This was my first thought.
A lot of threatening going on. I’m sure you’d have known if your dd had been drinking at all.
Email the school. If the woman contacts you again send one message saying you have investigated the matter, your dd is not involved. Do not contact me again.

Do not phone the school, it is nothing to do with them and you're just setting your daughter up for more upset and embarrassment. She won't get the school involved as she knows she has no proof who took it!

I remember my best friend and I regularly raided her mums chinzano bianco in the 80's, it was one of the large pub optic bottles. When they had a party we had to to top it up with water

She sounds absolutely batshit crazy. If a 14 year old had drunk a pint of gin, you would know!!!

As if any 14 year old could down a pint of gin and still be able to hold a conversation with their parent. She’d be unconscious.

I agree, sounds like the mother has drunk it herself, or Dave is hiding it from her to keep her sober. Tell your DD not to worry.

I asked if Dave drinks, but she said no. We are quite an open family and she is allowed to have a little snowball or bucks fizz at Christmas, she don't like it much. Hopefully we will all feel better tommorow.

Oh come one, having a little snowball at Christmas is nothing like having a good drink up over the park with your mates when you're 14 years old.

Being open with your family, doesn't mean grassing your mates up.

I really think one of them nicked it and your DD is getting the blame for some reason.

This is fantastic advice.

Gin though? And half a litre at that! Your DD would be very obviously drunk if she’d necked that much (even sharing the bottle with the others that were there).

Plus, how many teenagers that young have any sort of taste for gin? Vodka, maybe, if drowned in something sweet like OJ, but I can’t see it with gin.

The OP says there were 4 of them so no, a single 14 year old wouldn't be downing a pint of gin.

Plus, how many teenagers that young have any sort of taste for gin? Vodka, maybe, if drowned in something sweet like OJ, but I can’t see it with gin.

If gin is all that's there to nick, believe me, they're gonna be nicking the gin.

This is why I can't drink Pernod. We nicked a bottle from my friend's dad's drinks cabinet and mixed it with ginger beer because there was no blackcurrant 😬😂

True, she may be protecting her mates but it seems they may not have the same loyalty to her. Another life lesson..

Or Dave might have poured it away if his mum really does have a problem. I knew someone who did this

Trying to look at it from the mother's perspective here.

She's discovered quite a lot of gin missing, she's full sure either Dave, the OP's DD or the other two 14 year olds have taken it to drink over the park.

OP says the woman is also trying to get to speak to the other 2 14 year olds as well, so it's not just her daughter being accused.

I don't blame her for wanting to get to the bottom of it when you think of the potential danger (just because a lot of us did it when younger, doesn't make it safe).

She's gone about it the wrong way though and should be speaking to parents only, not the teenagers.