To think the way she dressed was a little inappropriate

[Hangingandneedsleep]

I want to start by saying I am a bit of a closet fan of the Beckhams and I also want to point out I have a 13 year old daughter. I have just seen pics of the Beckhams at some fashion show and as always, they all look fab. However, I am a wee bit disappointed in what Harper is wearing. It’s a beautiful dress and she looks gorgeous in it but for me, it just looks a little too old for someone of her age (11? 12?). Am I being a bit of a pearl clutcher here or would people tend to agree?

For playing dress-up at home? Fine. To be all over SM? Not so fine.

It's not just about the amount of flesh on show - the croptop and leggings look seems to me to be sporty rather than sexualised. Think of female Olympic runners - yes, lots of flesh on show but all about power and athleticism.

Plunging necklines and lace has far more sexual connotations for me.

One with deep pants

What does this mean? High waisted?

I think it's weird that a girl with her tummy out is sexual but a boy with his tummy out in his swimming trunks isn't

I wouldn't put my 13yo in high heels, although I agree their dress shape is sweet and appropriate for a 13yo at an dress up event. No more need for them to be wearing their mother's shoes than for Harper to be wearing her Mum's dress. The Royals often have clothing adjusted to be more modest and appropriate so I don't see why fashion designers like Victoria Beckham and SJP can't do the same.

However, if I was in that industry I'd not have my children anywhere near any work event of mine so I could clam down on press coverage of them. As soon as you take them to a film premiere or a fashion show you are inviting comment and the invasion of their privacy so you have to go hardcore to protect them. Trouble is many of the people who work in the entertainment industry can often be damaged themselves and so maybe aren't the best able to judge the impact on their DC.

What are her parents meant to say? No you cant wear that dress becuase a bunch of adults will pick you apart and have you responsible for all ills against women by the end of the evening

Yes. That’s exactly what they’re supposed to say!

I agree that a fashion designer could have had the dress adjusted- ie lined with black/ another colour up to the chest area. It would have had the same effect to promote the brand and looked lovely. Even a thin vest-top would have worked.

There are plenty of things I tell DD she can't do until she is older, or isn't appropriate in a certain context. Wearing a swimming costume to school isn't appropriate, for example.

There are contexts where school uniform could be seen as sexualised, sadly.

By all means break the rules once you are a) an adult, and b) understand and make a choice to break them.

My job as a parent is to make sure DD doesn't make dangerous or seriously embarrassing (visible!) choices until she's old enough to understand what she's doing

I'm torn here. I think the dress is a bit much but then my dd got me to buy her a tracksuit the other week where the jumper was cropped. I didn't realise until she had taken the tags off 😂

It looks too grown-up for her - BUT she hasn't got breasts yet. It would have been very inappropriate if she had got breasts on display.

My granddaughter is the same age, and of a similar build, but she wouldn't be allowed to wear an item like that.

It's not just about the amount of flesh on show - the croptop and leggings look seems to me to be sporty rather than sexualised. Think of female Olympic runners - yes, lots of flesh on show but all about power and athleticism

Then why arent the men in tiny pants and cropped tops?

Can we be honest here. Everything women and girls wear from onsises as babies ( let's not forget adult babies l to school uniform ( very high up on the list of top porn searches ) sports gear, Swim wear, hell even boiler suits ffs everyone's seen clips of flash dance or whatever it is haven't they?, is fetishised by predominantly men. Unless Everyone thinks the solution is we should just cover girls from head to toe and pretend that it is realky the clothes that are the problem and not the fact that the person underneath them is female and therfore whatever she does whatever she wears someone will twist it into some sexualised thing and project these aexualised thoughts onto little girls holding them responsible fir Everything. Whether that be the men fantasising over it or the women determined to assign purity/innocence or lack of to it to the situation.

Shes 11 can't we just leave her alone . I mean she's gir her whole adult life to put up with this crap do we have to start it now

I just wish her parents would think it through. At that age she doesn’t need any attention from the press or any comments on social
media. They should be protecting her. It would be lovely if she could just wear what she wants but anything that is going to draw unwelcome comments (even if the comments are unfair) shouldn’t be worn. That’s the day and age we live in.

I agree with leaving her alone but the parents aren’t doing her any favours.

You mean like male swimmers and divers, who wear even less than female swimmers and divers?

The thing is, I think everyone does use their outward appearance to send messages. Yes, the outward appearance of women and girls is more sexualised than men and boys. Yes, women and girls should be able to wear whatever they want without anyone making assumptions... at the same time, surely everyone dresses to some extent to give a message about ourselves?

Only because they cover the top. Have you seen the beach volly ball payers . Tiny pants .

Girls can't even wear underwear in gymnastics

And any misunderstanding should be easily fixed by clarifying the situation. But yes, there have been times I have dressed to attract, and times I have dressed not to attract. Hasn't everyone? That doesn't give anyone the right to demand that their interpretation of my clothing choices is more important than my consent, but it is not unreasonable for others to make an approach if I appear to be indicating an approach is welcome?

Yes, loads of issues in gymnastics. Including that women have to dance, men just have to be athletic. Which is why I went for athletics! Perhaps equestrian outfits would be a better example, though possibly not dressage...

I think VB is letting her DD wear what she likes. An 11yo had got excited about going to a fashion show and has picked when she thought was glamorous. Good for VB for not being controlling. The dress looks bloody awful IMO, but those saying "it's inappropriate", what the hell goes in in your heads?

No more need for them to be wearing their mother's shoes than for Harper to be wearing her Mum's dress

Why is it "their mother's shoes"? Why can't they just be wearing their shoes? I was allowed low high heels for a special occasion at age 12/13. They weren't 'my mothers'

Because I would not let my DD walk down the road naked. Would you? There should be nothing wrong with it after all. Nothing should be sexualised. But if you agree that it is inappropriate, then the rest is all a matter of degree

But this is an 11 year old. Shes not trying to say anything. Theres no message.

No one hopefully let's their children of either sex walk down the street naked. Any adult purpose doing that would also hope arrested.

Thats completely different to a fully covered child wearing more than many boys wear walking down the street int eh summer , I mean its bare chest central then. But thats ok apparently. But being covered in a dress isn't

It's inappropriate for a 9 year old to wear!

Really? Children don't have an understanding of what clothes are saying? Don't notice whether they have a specific cartoon character on their T-shirt? Don't have clothing preferences that acknowledge what they see around them?

My (adopted) daughters are Xhosa, and while we lived in South Africa we spent a couple of weeks every year in a rural, traditional coastal village. Traditionally, unmarried girls/young women went topless. Not these days, but whenever they went for a swim in the sea they would happily strip off to their knickers (this is an a group where the boys were no older than primary age - I don't know about older boys/young men). It was a community which relied on subsistence farming and some remittances from family migrant workers - no-one had money for a specialist outfit for swimming. My DDs would start the holiday insisting on changing into their swimming costumes, by the end would go in with underwear (but not topless).

They wouldn't dream of going into our local (London) swimming pool except in a swimming costume. Even if I let them. It wouldn't be appropriate and they would be embarrassed. Do you say that they should strip off to topless in our local swimming pool?

If not, why not? Older girls do in the rural Eastern Cape.

Or are the messages we send with clothing culture-dependant but unavoidable?

Good job she's 11 then.

VB is indeed letting her daughter wear what she wants. But as parents, I don’t think it’s controlling to try and steer them towards wearing something that won’t be discussed all over social media at that age. She’s too young to realise herself. And she doesn’t understand how the press works.

In an ideal world she’d wear what she wants, nobody would comment and that would be the end of it. Doesn’t work like that now. So if I was VB I’d encourage something that wouldn’t attract any comments.