To insist on this name against my husbands wishes?

[mopingmum]

Hello,

I feel like I'm a tricky situation with my husband. Unfortunately we suffered a very late miscarriage at the start of the year and it was a very traumatic time. I fell pregnant again very quickly and am due pretty soon. I massively struggled to come to grips with the pregnancy, I felt like the only way I could cope was to ignore it and try not to get attached incase we lost him too. It had a big effect on my mental health and I was referred to the crisis team. I have had a few months of counselling now, and I won't say I'm there but I'm definitely working through what happened, and have learnt to see this pregnancy for what it is, a new pregnancy, a different baby and a different outcome. One of the things I did to help me try and bond with this baby was to name them, which I did, and he has been Elijah for months now. It just feels like him, I did choose it but in a weird way it just felt like his name. My husband agreed and has also called him this throughout the pregnancy.

Unfortunately he's had a big change of heart and is saying it doesn't feel right, he doesn't like the name, that it isn't appropriate as we have no Jewish roots etc. I don't know if I'm being a bit unfair and blinded by my trauma but I am actually really hurt. It took me a long time to come to grips with this pregnancy, and a lot of difficult work to be able to let myself bond with him and let him become real to me. It feels completely wrong to name him anything else. Nothing else is his name. To be honest I want to refuse. I know my husband went through our late loss too, but not in the same way I did, he hasn't had to go through pregnancy just weeks after, he hasn't had to work through the trauma that I have.

Am I being really unreasonable?

You are not being unreasonable.

You are not being unreasonable. Could your husband choose a middle name?

Neither of you are being unreasonable, I don’t think.

Tell him to wind his neck in. Yiu call the baby what you want.

YANBU, it must feel like he's moved the goalposts. Did he have any input into the name before you chose it?

I’m sorry you lost a baby,Thats really tough.
you’re clearly emotionally attached to the name Elijah and it’s became a comfort and consistently used
is their any compromise? Use it as Middle name? Or first name and he chose middle name

i understand why you’re attached to the name
show him your post be honest about the difficulties you’ve experienced

ps Elijah isn’t solely Jewish name, it’s a Trad name

He's not wrong either. He's entitled to want a different name if he wants. It's his baby too.

Is this how people really treat their life partner?

I think you can insist, but you also might want to wait and see if you feel differently when the baby is born. That might help your husband to see you are giving his idea a chance.

YANBU
When he carries the baby for nine months and goes though the pain of childbirth then he can choose the name.

I feel lots of sympathy for you OP, but at the same time I don't think it's right to insist that your son is called by a name your husband doesn't want. Could you compromise by having Elijah as his middle name?

I think it’s one of those tricky situations where neither of you is wrong. I couldn’t be happy knowing I’d named my baby something my husband disliked. Is it possible your husband feels his trauma isn’t being sufficiently acknowledged? Would some counselling together perhaps help to unpack the situation?

Your circumstances are totally different to mine and I'm so sorry for your loss, and struggles since. Our baby was always going to be Jude if it was a boy, when he was born it wasn't right and became his middle name, and a joint decision..

Elijah isn’t an exclusively Jewish name, the Prophet Elijah is held in reverence by Jews, Christians and Muslims.

talk to your husband and tell him this name means so much to you. Don’t let this become a rift between you during what should be a really happy time.

congratulations on your pregnancy.

I see the usual Daft bombastic responses trotted out, when he carries a baby yadda yadda
Ok.let’s be clear carrying a baby doesn’t give the mum the unitary decision in name
such a stupid thing to say

Could you compromise on Eli? Elliot? I hope your birth goes well x

I'm going to go against the grain here, but I think you should be able to call your baby whatever you like.

I had a late stillbirth and we agreed on a name together in the delivery room, as it felt wrong using a name we'd already chosen and we decided that we'd use that if we had another baby of the same sex. When I had our next baby, DH wanted a different name to me and to be honest, it really stressed me out in a way that I didn't bloody need. When you're pregnant, you've got no control over what your body is doing - choosing a name is something that you do get an input in. If using that name calms you, and makes you feel connected, then he needs to shut the fuck up frankly. Why on earth would he want to stress you out at a time like this?!

Agree.

No, pg women can’t use but I carry it,give birth to have leverage or advantage
Youre supposed to be mutually jointly responsible and that includes choosing names

Bad advice. It’s unlikely both parents will love a name but you shouldn’t pick a name one parent really doesn’t want.

Agree
OP you are being selfish

I would assume baby Elijah was Jewish. How about Eliott? While I think mum should get the deciding vote if there are two names you both love but can’t choose between, you can’t have a name he hates.

The name Elijah seems fairly popular around here, the only ones I know have no particular Jewish connections. It sounds as though the baby is already know by this, he can always use Eli as a shortening too, which sounds nice. I think your dh will come round, lots of people have a last minute name wobble and end up going with their original choice.

You are being unreasonable. Baby names are a two yeses, one no decision, however attached you are to the name. Naming a baby a parenting decision, just like the many more you'll have to make as your child grows up, and starting that journey with you overruling him on what should be a joint decision doesn't set it up well.

It's gutting for you that you've gotten to know the baby as Elijah and now that won't be his name any more though. I'd just leave the subject of names alone entirely for a couple of weeks and see if time helps? Elijah could be a good middle name.

YABU

You really don't want your child to have a name that your husband doesn't like do you.

You should both agree on a name.