My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

[Highfivemum]

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

As an ex-teacher, I admit that I tend to sympathise with the school/teacher in a lot of threads but this is completely unacceptable and I'm horrified by the school's response.

11 is still very young and they've only been in school for a while. Children often do listen to teachers unquestioningly and assume they know what they're doing.

I've always had a terrible sense of direction to the point I get lost in buildings I've just entered, don't know my way around outside of a very small area that I live and generally can't remember which turn I've taken as soon as I've taken it. I only found out, after a late (adult) diagnosis, that it is due to dyspraxia.

I still remember the fear when teachers would keep us late, telling us that they were legally allowed to keep us for ten minutes without informing our parents and when we pointed out that the school buses leave at that time, they would just laugh as if they didn't care.

I was constantly filled with dread about missing the school bus because the alternative was to get a bus, walk, then another bus and no matter how many practice runs I took with my mum, I just couldn't remember the way.

I honestly don't think teachers should be allowed to keep children for any amount of time after school unless it's a formal detention and at least 24 hours notice has been given to parents.

I feel like a lot of pps are giving an 11 year old a hard time about not speaking up. Why did the teacher assume these children were all getting the same bus? If the rule is that phones need handing in, and presumably all the children own a phone, why didn't they take them to collect their phones? Honestly, it seems like a massive safeguarding issue and the attitude of "well he should have said anything, not our problem" would absolutely fill me with rage.

I would be taking the formal complaint avenue and expecting a policy change so that nothing like this happens again.

I would advise getting your DS to memorize your phone number, getting some kind of tracking tag for his blazer/bag and practising speaking assertively when needed. Sometimes children are worried about getting in trouble if they argue/disagree with teachers, so assure him that you will back him up 100 percent to the school if he ever feels like he's in a worrying situation again (even if he turns out to be wrong). He made a sensible choice in sticking to where he was, knowing you would come so praise him for that.

@lannistunut I meant the bus driver could have phoned someone

Brilliant that your son didn't go wondering, he did well. Perhaps a little cheap mobile phone maybe a good idea?

Taken him back in to school to contact home - just as they would if the OP's DS had said it was the wrong bus

That's shocking. Your poor ds and you. It's feckin scary when shit like this happens.

Every kid is different, just because one kid at 11 can get 95 buses to school blind folded while knitting a jumper doesn't mean all 11 year olds can.

Your ds did great, he used his brain and waited another kid would have wandered off.

We don't know what we're going to come up against until it happens, we can't prepare for every eventuality, we can plan and prepare but sometimes shit happens and it teaches us all on how to prevent it happening again.

Not all kids are street wise, we can bring them up to be the most confident person who'd buy and sell you, but sometimes some kids take a little longer to gain that confidence, only experience gives this confidence and he'll get that by learning and doing these new things.

Poor pet, poor you I'd have been sick with worry too.

At our school, children are not escorted to the school buses at all, not even in Year 7. They are released at the end of the day and expected to get on the right bus. If they are late leaving and miss their bus, it is their job to sort it out although we can call someone for them if they don't have their phone.

The teachers shouldn't release children so late that they are at risk of missing their bus, but not asking for his phone, not saying it was the wrong bus or even telling the driver when he terminated in the wrong village? That's nuts for an 11 year old and I'm unsurprised that the school are saying that it was his own fault.

He was rushed into the coach and wasn’t allowed to get his phone. I believe it says so in the OP

You definitely need to take this further. It's a failure in safeguarding by the school.

None of the secondary schools in our council escort pupils onto the bus. There are staff around if there is a problem. I agree with others that you need it work on your sons 'what to do if I've got a problem' because getting of the bus and expecting you to find him wasn't particularly sensible given the other available options. It wasn't as bad as some solutions but not the best.

if you want to raise this as a complaint

do everything in writing. By doing that it means OFSTED MUST be shown all written complaints and the school must prove to OFSTED how they sorted out the complaint

do none of this over the phone. None of this face to face. Ask that all correspondence be done in writing

trust me this will get a rocket up their arses.

Nonsense. We seem to be becoming a nation of parents who are "livid" and "fuming" with teachers and schools and are too busy blaming them for a problem without asking ourselves if our own children may have contributed to it.

I would absolutely, professionally, lose my shit over this. As for trying to blame you child ... disgusting behaviour!

That's made a bit teary. That's literally what we tell them from the second they're born isn't it?

Oh, I seeeee! Yes I guess a different child would have done.

I think young people sometimes panic. I had a very compliant child and he did panic at times. He is now off living, working, travelling internationally on his own - but at 11 he could have done exactly what the OP's child did.

I'm glad most people have agreed with you, similar bus incidents have happened with my dd but not as bad as yours, I understand completely that they aren't always able to speak up - especially as a young 11 year old.
I do think if buses depart very soon at the end of the school day then teachers should always let their classes out on time.
I agree your son should keep his phone in his bag - leaving it on silent.
When my dd had just started and missed the bus - she was in tears and I don't think was able to tell a teacher. We got a phone call from school and a teacher brought her home which we were really grateful for.

Thank you
yes in front of DS I am not showing any worry. My DH picked him
up today and took him for a pizza
and a little chat without all our other DC. My DH said he is ok. Just worried about it now . He told him to put his phone in his bag and not give it in. He made a joke about laughing in a few years bout and and my DC seems more relaxed now. My DH is best to chat to him as I get all emotional.

Wee soul, 11 is still so young. He did well.

I would write a factual email to the school and governors, I wouldn't let it go for sure.

I would be encouraging him to feel able to ask for help if something goes wrong. I guess maybe he usually is but was just overwhelmed. You'll know what he's like usually.

Hope he got all his favourites for tea and you have a big glass of wine before bed

I know you all hate oldies posting "When I was young " but I'm going to. I got the public bus to school at age 6 and walked to the bus stop to get it home again. This was the late 60s . We were more independent and confident because we had to be.

"He was rushed into the coach and wasn’t allowed to get his phone. I believe it says so in the OP."

Wasn't allowed to get it, or didn't tell the teacher that he needed to go and get it?

I still can't quite believe that when the teacher said 'you'd better run lads before the bus goes' that he didn't say 'it's not my bus.' I think you need to prepare him better for travelling independently.

That's disgraceful but even worse, they're admitting no fault at all. Hope you get at the very least an apology after your DH heads in tomorrow. That's not on at all.

This is on the teacher. And yeah I’d complain because she put him on the wrong bus.

however at age 11 in a medium sized secondary we were def left to our own devices to find the right bus. And I’m sure if there was a problem I would have spoken to the driver. You need to coach your son as to what to do if it happens again. An air tag in his bag is a great idea. You’ll know where it is and if it makes a noise he will know that you know where he is.

You’ll know where HE is I mean

I would have been so worried! I am astonished that they don’t have a better system. At our school, a member of staff registers the children as they get on the buses. That way no one gets left behind or gets on the wrong bus.

the bus driver could have phoned someone

Does he know your phone number? I'm not sure my kids would without looking it up on their phones

That isnt accurate
Ofsted do not look at all written complaints
They look at actions taken on qualifying complaints and possibly complaints made to them that they refererred parents back to the school (but that it very light touch if it happened at all)