My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

[Highfivemum]

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

We do that at the primary school but by secondary we trust them to get on the right bus as often they're going home with friends or to different towns for sport, family events etc

Completely agree that the school is at fault but by yr 7 DC do need to build skills to solve problems such as speak up and tell bus driver they are in the wrong place.

What did you do before they had phones?! Surely you made them memorise your number when they were little? DD is 3 and we've taught her a silly song with our names and phone numbers in case she gets lost, because she won't remember it without the tune yet.

Teacher needs bollocking. School needs to apologise. I say that as a teacher.

The school have handled this terribly, but I’m struggling a bit with the fact he just got off and didn’t simply tell the driver - it would have been sorted out very quickly? Also did the buses not have signs on the front with destination - were the two others getting on it clearly from a different area? The teacher probably just didn’t realise and if he didn’t say anything what can they do?

I think people crying over this post are going a bit over the top. How are some of these kids going to cope in life?

sorry I’m not being unkind OP, I really do feel for you. But this is a life lesson and might be a good time to teach assertiveness, he’s 11 and at high school.

Obviously the teacher is at fault for not checking it was the right bus first and not allowing them to get their phones back first, but your DC also didn't say anything to the teacher that it was the wrong bus - he probably knew if those two other kids are on his bus normally or not & also for not saying anything to the bus driver at the end. He could have just said 'I think I'm on the wrong bus, can you call school to tell them'.

At 11 years old I'd expect him to be able to get the right bus himself and speak up for himself. Most 11 year olds aren't taken to the buses, so getting out of class late means legging it after a bus on occasions or going back to Reception to say you've missed it.

I wouldn't do anything other than ask school to make sure the teachers let the children out in enough time to collect phones & get their bus. As the teacher must have let them out really late to go straight to the bus stop to find 2/3 buses gone and they didn't collect their phones on the way!

@alanabennett I'm talking about the glee.

Yeah let's blame the 11 year old who hasn't been at the school long .

The handing in phones is a ridiculous rule , I've had 3 children at different secondarys over the last 16 years and that's not happened with any of them . I'd be telling him he doesn't have to hand it in at least until he's settled

Work with him on speaking up incase it happens again so he feels able to tell the bus driver he's on the wrong bus

I think people forget how overwhelming it can be going into a bigger school environment

if my DS didn’t speak up for himself he’d be reprimanded
Punishing a child for being scared? You really shouldn’t be handing out parental advice.

part of secondary school is learning the skills needed to navigate the adult world!
Yoire correct, however that encompasses the entire time at secondary school, this boy has been there several WEEKS and is still young. When exactly do you think, over the course of the first term at school, he has picked up this life skill that in reality takes years to develop?

Oh and he did really well staying put until someone found him, poor boy

I would speak to the school. All the teachers, not just this one, have to be made aware that they cannot keep children in school after their class has finished if they have buses that they need to catch.

That's awful. My DD would have been the same as your DC, she'd never caught a bus before secondary school as we're rural and there aren't many opportunities. She is very shy and would not have spoken to the driver. As much as I try to push confidence and independence to make her better able to survive these situations, it would have gone exactly the same way. Upset child lost in an unfamiliar place and without a phone she'd have no idea what to do.

Absolutely shocking of the school to not see how serious this is.

How did you find them?! I'd have been so angry.

I think the school were a bit rubbish but honestly it seems like your son does need to learn to speak up a bit. My sister is 11 and just started school. She would have said first off to the teacher 'youre keeping us late and i have a bus to catch! ". if that didn't work she would have insisted on getting her phone and absolutely not got on the bus. She would have called our mum, dad or me to let get her. She can follow a series of events through to a logical conclusion in her mind and make a decision based on that.

That must have been so stressful for you. I still remember my brother going missing after school one day at that age and that was 40 years ago. In that case, his after school sport club had over run so he’d missed the last bus and thought it was a good idea to walk the ten miles home. The systems can’t rely on a child of that age speaking up when something has gone wrong, because it can take them time to get past the panic and work out what a sensible course of action would be. Years of stranger danger training also means once they’re stuck somewhere unfamiliar on their own, they might feel like they’ll get into trouble whatever they do next.
The processes obviously need sorting at the school end, but it also might help your son to feel less stressed about it all if there are clear priorities and back up plans For example, if collecting his phone risks missing the bus, make sure he knows which choice you need him to make. If he realises he’s on the wrong bus, where’s a good place to get off so he can be collected or make it home a different way? Even if there’s a supermarket or library or something where he could wait indoors if he gets stuck, that might help.

I think I'd be telling them you aren't satisfied with their response and want this taken further.

This must have been so upsetting for everyone, I'm actually shocked that the police weren't called either by yourself or the school. 4 hours is a long time for a child that age to be missing and if it had been in any way sinister very valuable time would have been lost. Surely the school would have regarded the situation as an emergency.
If there was an accident in the past I'd assume that a risk assessment has been completed. It would be best to be quite business like with the school, acknowledge how distressed and upset you are before asking for the risk assessment and how they intend to proceed.
I don't want to go into details but a major tragic incident occurred in my area after a similar situation with a child being kept late, he and his sibling having to take a different bus than usual and being let out on a dark country lane.The repercussions for the family, community and school were horrific.
An emergency plan needs to be discussed and agreed with your child also.

Thank you for your kind words.
just to clarify the teacher took them to the bus and told them to get on. My DC did not know at this stage it was the wrong bus. Only later on did he realise.
yes maybe he is naive but as I said he is a young 11. My DD who is slightly older is the opposite and would have screamed blue murder to the teacher that she needed her phone and would have told the driver and yet they are brought up the same !! The difference is in He is so shy and quiet. Yes he knows his number. Yes he knows my number but at that moment he was scared and no one knows how their DC will react when in that situation. They are all so different. So please understand he has been taught what to do but he was scared and just thought my mum or Dad will come. And thank god we did

Well done to your son for staying put . School totally at fault here and would definitely be following it up .

Just not acceptable to say it’s too late to collect phones . As others have said all this could of been sorted a lot quicker had he had phone .

Ours have an option of leaving them in office to keep them safe till end of day
or it’s been confiscated and parent gets a message at time it was taken to collect it .

I honestly can't believe that he didn't say that it was the wrong bus or that he had to collect his phone, that he got off in a random village and sat there for four hours. What a waste of everyone's time. School shouldn't let them out late - assuming that that is what happened and he wasn't just dawdling and doesn't want to admit it - but the rest is on him.

Well done to your DS for not panicking.
What a scary experience!!

I like the idea of no phones allowed but wouldn’t the students just say they’ve left it at home?
So I’m not sure it actually works although I have been in schools where they do it and seem to have less issues with phones.

He was in the wrong here but I don’t blame him as he would have done what many kids would have done.

I think I would tell him that his phone is more important and that you can always pick him up if he ends up missing the bus because he’s gone back to get his phone.

I would also have a contact list in his bag incase there is a phone he can use.

I would definitely ask the school to put more support in place for year 7s getting the bus home.

I was surprised that the wee lad didn't think to knock on a door and ask to borrow a phone to call his mum, but it turns that that hasn't occurred to any of the many posters here, so what am I missing?

This is not good enough. It sounds like the teacher: let him out late so he missed the coach, put him on the wrong coach, and wouldn’t let him have his phone. Pretty stupid really. By all means let them sort themselves out but (a) let them out on time to they can get their coach and (b) let them have their phones back.

Duty of care broken. If teacher is escorting kids to the coaches then it’s their responsibility to make sure they get on the right ones. Bundling the last 3 kids onto the only coach that was there was a) stupid b) neglectful. The children have only been in secondary school a few weeks and some are them are run so strictly the kids are scared to put a foot out of place. Letters to Head and Chair of Governors using terms such as neglect of duty.

The teacher has admitted the children were let out late due to an experiment they were doing in science. So my sons was telling the truth

Surely a normal response from a school would be a huge apology and reassurances that they will change their procedures to avoid a re-occurrance.

I would be really upset with their approach too. Your son must have felt so scared.