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AIBU?

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Original poster

My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

409 replies

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 18:45

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

OP posts:
Postapocalypticcowgirl · 29/09/2022 19:11

I'm amazed the teacher took them out without allowing them to collect phones. Had these been confiscated, or just handed in as a matter of routine? This could partly have been avoided if he'd had his phone on him, although putting him on the wrong bus is also rubbish.

I think given they are escorting students to busses, it's then down to the teacher to ensure the student is put on the right bus, or find a solution if that bus has already left.

I do think it's worth following through "what to do if" plans, but I also think it sounds like the school should review their processes a bit?

toomuchlaundry · 29/09/2022 19:11

Does the bus driver have a list of who should be on the bus? School buses are not normally the responsibility of the school and are run by the LA.

PorridgewithQuark · 29/09/2022 19:11

Hayliebells · 29/09/2022 19:03

Given that school buses exist at this school, there’s unlikely to be local public transport available. Secondary schools in areas with public transport to and from the villages they serve, don’t have school buses.

Show quote history

I'm not sure that's relevant - the public bus to our village is the only bus in that direction all day (one each way each day - they're effectively school buses but anyone can pay to use them - a few elderly people do for shopping).

My kids caught school buses at primary (no public transport at the right time) and children were fully capable of getting themselves on the right bus (asking the driver as they got on if it's the bus to X) and speaking up if they realise that they're pulling into the depo/ are the only one left on the bus and don't know where they are, or going back into school to get help when they miss the bus from age 6. We also talked about not getting off the bus if they didn't know where they were but nevertheless what would you do if ...

You have to teach them to do it by talking them through"what would you do if" in a matter of fact way starting in advance obviously.

Mariposista · 29/09/2022 19:11

Poor lad. I would get him to memorise your or his dad's phone number in case he is ever stranded in an emergency without a phone, or if it gets lost or runs out of battery. No joke, I am in my 30s and this saved me the other day when I broke down at midnight, battery on phone dead and had to call my FIL to help me and ring the AA for the car!

Dixiechickonhols · 29/09/2022 19:12

I would definitely follow up. Buses need numbers. Why are they confiscating kids phones? If they do insist in that they need them back in time to get them before bus. Teachers need to release on time so they can get bus correctly.

Seashor · 29/09/2022 19:13

My child and many others have to get a public bus daily and they all manage fine because they use their phones and their voices. Your child did neither which at 11 is ridiculous.

Goldbar · 29/09/2022 19:13

Imo the main issue was not ensuring that they got their phones back. Unacceptable to leave them with no way of contacting anyone if something went wrong. Not just being on the wrong bus or stuff like that, but also losing a key or being locked out of the house. This could all have been sorted very quickly and your DS saved a nasty few hours if you had been able to contact him.

TwentyoneSleeps · 29/09/2022 19:13

I think the school are massively at fault here and I’d be worried how else he is looked after at school. It might be a one off but might not. I’d raise it with the headteacher and it might seem dramatic but I would have a look at other schools if you are in a position to

Toddlerteaplease · 29/09/2022 19:14

I'm surprised that the teachers take them to the coaches in secondary school. When I was at school we were left to our own devices to find our buses. There were about 10 of them.

Dixiechickonhols · 29/09/2022 19:15

Mariposista · 29/09/2022 19:11

Poor lad. I would get him to memorise your or his dad's phone number in case he is ever stranded in an emergency without a phone, or if it gets lost or runs out of battery. No joke, I am in my 30s and this saved me the other day when I broke down at midnight, battery on phone dead and had to call my FIL to help me and ring the AA for the car!

Yes and write numbers and put in blazer plus a chat about where to ask for help eg shop, mum with a pram etc. Poor lad.

mamabear715 · 29/09/2022 19:15

OH MY GOD.. how terrifying, @Highfivemum
I'm glad all was fine in the end & hope your DS is ok & not too shaken & upset.
My twins were 13 when they went to High school, miles away. There was a normal service bus to bring them home & I instilled in them that they were NOT to wait, for over-running lessons, detentions, any damn thing, they were to leave & be on that bus, & I would speak to school the next day. (I don't drive, so you can see it was imperative that they got that bus.)
Easier for them, being twins, but I hope you can convince your DS to do the same. Once is more than enough.
I'd also be wanting him to have his phone on him at all times. Fair enough to turn it off in lessons, but this is JUST the reason why we give them phones, for Heaven's sake..
I had a similar experience with my youngest but mentioned it on here last week, so won't go through it all again, suffice to say I FEEL your absolute terror.

PorridgewithQuark · 29/09/2022 19:16

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:04

the school passes have not been issued yet. It is not a special needs school but due a previous issue with a child getting hit by a bus they escort them till the first term so the DC know exactly where to walk and what to do ( the rear of school is on a busy junction )

It's great they escort them because of dangerous traffic. That honestly sounds "above and beyond" for a mainstream secondary to me.

It'd be a really good idea to talk your son through all the what ifs and how to be sure he's on the right bus though.

It's always better for children to know they can handle any likely scenario - far less likely to be scared then.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:17

All phones in the school are handed into reception on the way into school and collected at end of day. Hence why he had no phone on him.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 29/09/2022 19:17

Toddlerteaplease · 29/09/2022 19:14

I'm surprised that the teachers take them to the coaches in secondary school. When I was at school we were left to our own devices to find our buses. There were about 10 of them.

Op says a child was hit by a bus so they will have risk assessed and come up with this plan.

Paq · 29/09/2022 19:17

Seashor · 29/09/2022 19:13

My child and many others have to get a public bus daily and they all manage fine because they use their phones and their voices. Your child did neither which at 11 is ridiculous.

The child did not have a phone and obviously panicked. Have some compassion. The school was completely at fault and this is a huge safeguarding incident that needs to be investigated and reported on.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:19

I am very proud of my DC. He didn’t panic he sat at the last stop that the bus stopped at. He said he knew if he waited there I would find him. If he had wondered around god knows when we would have located Her

OP posts:
MaChienEstUnDick · 29/09/2022 19:19

Even back in the 80s when we still clipped kids round the ear, a 'sir we're on the bus' was enough to stop even the most scary teacher in his tracks and let the class out. When you have a school transport school, keeping kids late just isn't done - our detentions were at lunch time because of this (market town school with around 7 different buses going out to the villages).

I think a complaint is in order, an apple tag will make you feel better, but you also do need to work with your DC to help them speak up.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/09/2022 19:19

@PorridgewithQuark I completely agree with you. We knew what to do if we missed our school bus and how to contact our parents if necessary. And this was in the days before mobile phones.

Redora · 29/09/2022 19:19

Seashor · 29/09/2022 19:13

My child and many others have to get a public bus daily and they all manage fine because they use their phones and their voices. Your child did neither which at 11 is ridiculous.

And if their teacher put them on the bus without explaining where it was going, they'd know how to challenge them?

How is it "ridiculous" that he didn't use his phone which the school had? Have you even read the OP?

Dixiechickonhols · 29/09/2022 19:19

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:17

All phones in the school are handed into reception on the way into school and collected at end of day. Hence why he had no phone on him.

I’d say he’ll keep his with him after this, it’s a safety issue your child has phone with him. Turned off in bag or in office is no difference.

Purplepurse · 29/09/2022 19:20

At my children's secondary school the children had to get themselves to their buses almost from day one. Prefects checked for the first few days.
It sounds a bit messy but I don't understand why he didn't speak up when he got to the wrong stop. Something to be worked on .

AdelaideRo · 29/09/2022 19:20

Did the teacher know it was the wrong coach?

They didn't ask the kids they were putting on which is an oversight but equally your son didn't speak up when he appears to have known it was wrong, and then when he was in an unfamiliar place and lost again he didn't speak up.

So yes, definite issues on the school side but it will be easier to prep him to cope when things don't go to plan... speaking up, and knowing how to access help would be a good start - what facilities are there in the village he ended up in ? Shop/ any other business that might help a distressed child access a phone.

I'm assuming no public phone box as they have pretty much all disappeared.

Lieinrequired · 29/09/2022 19:22

Definitely put an AirTag or Tile in blazer or school bag. I have had a couple of situations where neither I nor school knew where a child was. In both cases DC was at school but not where they were expected to be. It was a big school so hard to check all possible locations. School phoned me, expecting me to be able to locate a child in their premises

Original poster
Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:22

Seashor · 29/09/2022 19:13

My child and many others have to get a public bus daily and they all manage fine because they use their phones and their voices. Your child did neither which at 11 is ridiculous.

he didn’t have his phone as they have to be handed in at the start of the day. He teacher said there was no time to collect it and he had to follow him and jump on the coach as the lesson finished late ! My DC did marvellous for an 11 year old siting patiently without panicking.

OP posts:
Mumteedum · 29/09/2022 19:22

Totally unacceptable. 4 HOURS.... That is a VERY long time. Poor kid.

Give him loads of praise for being so sensible and staying put.

No phones needs revising. No way any class should be late out in these circumstances.

God I remember the stress of not missing the school bus home. We used to have to run to catch them. I fell once and still have an injury from it in my late forties!