Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

409 replies

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 18:45

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

OP posts:
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 29/09/2022 19:22

Dixiechickonhols · 29/09/2022 19:19

I’d say he’ll keep his with him after this, it’s a safety issue your child has phone with him. Turned off in bag or in office is no difference.

Show quote history

The school has a rule that phones have to be handed in, the answer here isn't to be “that” parent and try to make your child a special case

The HT needs to speak to the teacher and the child needs a plan in case it happens again

Mumteedum · 29/09/2022 19:24

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair I would absolutely be THAT parent! Stupid rule and totally unacceptable situation that is completely the teacher and school's fault.

PorridgewithQuark · 29/09/2022 19:24

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:19

I am very proud of my DC. He didn’t panic he sat at the last stop that the bus stopped at. He said he knew if he waited there I would find him. If he had wondered around god knows when we would have located Her

That's great. I'm sure you've told him so and rightly.

I'd use that as a starting point to remind him how capable he is and start rehearsing different scenarios and asking for him to help come up with solutions. If he feels in control he needn't be scared (or as scared; it's human to be a bit scared sometimes but contingency plans help keep this easily manageable).

None of mine had phones til secondary so the primary contingency plans didn't involve phones - and as I said between 3 children they unintentionally tried out most of the plans for "what if" they missed/ got on the wrong/ forgot to get off the bus!

BlodynGwyn · 29/09/2022 19:24

Our bus drivers know where all the kids live and wouldn't drive off with a kid who should be on a different bus. They wouldn't leave until all the kids were on the bus either. Parents would call the bus barn if their child wasn't riding the bus that day or was going home on a different bus with a friend. (Rural US).

Original poster
Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:25

Dixiechickonhols · 29/09/2022 19:19

I’d say he’ll keep his with him after this, it’s a safety issue your child has phone with him. Turned off in bag or in office is no difference.

Show quote history

Yes. Thank you. My DH a and I have told him he keeps it on him from now on.

OP posts:
SpringCalling · 29/09/2022 19:25

My 11 year old started secondary a few weeks ago and gets a public bus home - no help from school at all. So we have practised all the what-if-it-goes-wrong scenarios. I suspect if she was getting a school bus we wouldn't have felt the need to and that's why OP's child didn't speak up / check,

oneuptwodown · 29/09/2022 19:25

For all this talking about apple AirTags: sounds like this is a rural or semi-rural community, not many people coming and going. These tags work by pinging off nearby iPhones. They don’t have GPS themselves. So they don’t send out a signal that your Find My app picks up. They work like google maps where the app collects data from devices with GPS, and the devices with GPS detect signals nearby (other devices, AirTags). If nobody is around, or no oh with an iPhone or not enough people with an iPhone, the AirTag will be useless.

ProfYaffle · 29/09/2022 19:25

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:17

All phones in the school are handed into reception on the way into school and collected at end of day. Hence why he had no phone on him.

Similar system at our school and a lot of kids on rural buses too. Most of them ignore the handing in phones rule. If he keeps it switched off at the bottom of his bag and doesn't wave it around, no-one will know and he'll always have it on him if he needs an emergency call.

(Agree the school is massively at fault fwiw)

alrightfella · 29/09/2022 19:25

I would think that my dc should have had their phone. Why on earth are they handing them in at secondary school.

I would have also expected my dc to have said something to the driver. It's now 3 weeks into term, i don't understand why it took so long to realise he was on the wrong bus and then why he didn't say speak up. He also surely could have said something to another parent collecting.

I made my dc write our phone numbers down in case they lost their phone. I am also surprised you didn't go through a plan for the wrong bus scenario before starting secondary school.

antelopevalley · 29/09/2022 19:26

He needs to be taught to speak up. By secondary school this is expected.

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 29/09/2022 19:27

I was getting ready to say you were unreasonable, and that transport home is the child / parents responsible.
However, the school was absolutely at fault!
Just as a side though…does your son need to hand phone in at the office? My son’s school has that role (officially), however no one hands their phone in, and the unofficial understanding is, as long as the phone is buried in a bag and on silent, nobody minds.

Berthatydfil · 29/09/2022 19:28

I would be buying a cheap payg non smart phone and hide it at the bottom of his bag while telling him to keep it charged but turned off except for emergencies like this where he can use it to contact you.
Also think the air tag suggested above is a good idea.

alanabennett · 29/09/2022 19:29

PorridgewithQuark · 29/09/2022 19:00

I'm really sorry you and your child had a scary experience, and happy to hear it turned out okay.

However unless this is a special needs school (which you haven't mentioned) I'm absolutely astounded that year 7s are escorted to the coach and not trained in all the realistic "what you do if xyz" s.

My children have been catching school buses from age 6 and then from age 10 public transport and it's always been on the children to get on the right bus. We taught and rehersed from the start what to do if you miss the bus, get on the wrong bus or get off at the wrong stop, and between the three of them they'd unintentionally tried out all the contingency plans successfully at some point.

My youngest is 11 and the idea anyone would need to put him on the right bus is quite alien - he's very much responsible for getting on the right bus and has been from his first day at secondary (when he was 10 and a half as we're non UK - different school system). The public buses he catches stop at a row of stops in front of a different secondary school 500 meters from his - that school has over a thousand pupils aged 10-18 as does his school (so over 2000 total) and at least 20 buses leave from the bus stops within the 10-15 minutes after school finishes.

tldr: I think children need to be equipped with the skills and contingency plans to deal with these types of situation by age 11.

Completely agree. An 11 year old should be able to open his mouth and say "I'm on the wrong bus". Needs to work on his life skills a bit, I think.

My sons are aged 11 and 8 and get the bus to/from
school. The buses are numbered and there is no one checking they're getting on the right one. They know the bus number, the driver and the other kids on the same bus. If they get on the wrong bus they know to tell the driver.

WinterDeWinter · 29/09/2022 19:29

OP, I think the point you made earlier - "he's a young 11, if a teacher says do something he does it" - is all that needs to be said when they try and blame your DS. I combination with the explanation by a teacher above who outlined the different things DS's teacher had done wrong.

Pieceofpurplesky · 29/09/2022 19:30

The teacher probably didn't know it was the wrong bus

Pieceofpurplesky · 29/09/2022 19:31

Pressed too soon
The teacher probably didn't know it was the wrong bus and would have expected your DS to say if it was

antelopevalley · 29/09/2022 19:31

I understand him doing what the teacher says. But when he realised it was the wrong bus he did need to say.

Needesppressonow · 29/09/2022 19:31

I’m livid for you. That’s absolutely the teacher’s fault. What a worry for you and him. I have a summer baby yr 11 and I’m not sure how he’d have handled that situ. Awful and you’ve every right to hit the roof!

PorridgewithQuark · 29/09/2022 19:31

Toddlerteaplease · 29/09/2022 19:19

@PorridgewithQuark I completely agree with you. We knew what to do if we missed our school bus and how to contact our parents if necessary. And this was in the days before mobile phones.

I do think it's important, just in case. Mine all had contingency plans which didn't involve phones at primary, and my youngest forgets his phone fairly regularly but has recently exhibited excellent and pretty creative coping strategies for working around this 🤣🤔

Incrediblebuttrue · 29/09/2022 19:31

Surely the teacher knew the buses had different destinations? This is really negligent. Your poor ds!

Farawayfromhere · 29/09/2022 19:31

That’s terrible. Presumably the DC is just 11? It’s very scary at that age to be left somewhere and have no way of contacting parents or getting home. Poor kid!

NotJustAnybody · 29/09/2022 19:32

Oh OP, I'd be absolutely livid! Your poor DS. Of course he got on the bus, there wasn't another one and he was told to do it!
I would kick up a fuss about this big time. I don't normally and I've read some things on other posts which to my mind are quite petty, but this! So sorry your DS had to go through this and you.
So much for 'safeguarding'.

Moveoverdarlin · 29/09/2022 19:32

I would hit the roof. I would be sending a very stern email at the very least. I’m sure if it had been a girl, they would take it more seriously. If this had happened at the end of the month it’d be pitch black by 5pm and freezing.

lannistunut · 29/09/2022 19:32

Highfivemum · 29/09/2022 19:19

I am very proud of my DC. He didn’t panic he sat at the last stop that the bus stopped at. He said he knew if he waited there I would find him. If he had wondered around god knows when we would have located Her

He said he knew if he waited there I would find him.
That has made me well up. But he was right, you did find him. He must have been really worried.

I would be aboslutely furious with the school and think you have to make a formal complaint and ask what they will put in place to ensure it can't happen again.

Blobblobblob · 29/09/2022 19:33

There are two separate issues here.

School are at fault for delaying the lesson and not giving back the phone. Totally understand your anger about this, I'd be livid too.

You're at fault for not training your son in what to do when things go wrong.

I'm not saying this to be nasty, only for his future safety if things go wrong again... he is of an age where you'd expect a child to know their parents number off by heart and how to ask for help from a safe adult. I still know the phone number and postcode for my childhood home which we moved out of when I was 7. He's 11 and should know this.

It needs to be a learning experience for the school but also for the kid.