My DC missing for 4 hours after school.!!

[Highfivemum]

had no intention of putting this up for discussion but after call today I am livid and would like some opinions
so my DC summer born started high school beginning of the month. Just 11 so young in year. He catches the coach from our village and has done this since he started. All fine up until yesterday when he was not on the coach when I waited for it after school. Tried his phone and it was turned off. Frantic drive to school with other DC and he was no where to be found. School did not have a clue where he was. Caretaker and head teacher called back into school ( they had both left premises when I got there) they both insisted he got the coach etc as all year 7 were taken to the coach stop at rear of school and escorted on the coach. For info it is a small high school. And only runs 3 coaches to surrounding villages.
Cutting a long story short that seemed like days for me my DC was discovered to be on another coach and was in another village, sitting by the coach stop. We eventually were reunited over 4 hours later.
my DC was distraught. He said his teacher let them out of lessons late and took three Dc to the back of the school and put them all on the same coach. This was the only coach left at school as the others had left. He said no time to collect their phones from the office. This was the wrong coach. When the coach arrived at its final destination my DC who was to upset to say anything got of the coach ,And there he sat till the error was discovered and we collected him.
the school today have said my son was at fault and he should have spoke to the driver and not got off the coach.,,, yes I get that but they have not admitted any mistake with the staff at all.
I am livid. Am I being unreasonable. What would anyone else think/ do. My DH took our DC to school today as they didn’t want to go.

Perhaps a different child would have spoken up but I know lots of 11 Yr olds who wouldn't. I would be making a fuss. Let out late.... Teacher's fault. No time to get phone.... Teacher's fault. Bus gone.... Teacher's fault. Parents not contacted and made aware of the error.... Teacher's fault. Child put on wrong bus.... Also the teacher's fault. I would be making a MASSIVE fuss. Safeguarding and common sense all Out the window. Make sure you let your child talk about it over and over and help think of scenarios that he is worried about and what he could do or he'll be terrified of the bus for the next 6 months! And teach him what to do if he needs you but his phone is out of action, and make sure he knows your number. I'd be in talking to the head and expecting to hear an apology from the muppet teacher as a bare minimum, plus expect to see the measures put in place so that it doesn't happen again. If he'd had his phone, it wouldn't have mattered nearly as much. 4 hours is a long time to an 11 Yr old.

Walking home when you know where you are and the way home compared to finding yourself you don't recognise and with no means to call for help/ find your way home 🤷‍♀️

You must have been so scared when you didn’t know where your son was. And your poor son. I agree not all children are the same no matter if they are brought up the same. I’m glad the school have apologised and are taking some actions to save it happening again. Big hugs from me x

Fault lies with the teacher that put your DC on the wrong coach not DC.
I agree that your DC needs to speak up if he is ever in this situation again but lesson learned on that one.
Also he should always carry emergency phone numbers written down incase of a lost, forgotten or dead phone. Cover them in clear sellotape to stop them getting damaged too.
So glad you found DC & hope they are ok after their adventure 😬

It's totally wrong.

In addition, I'm surprised the bus driver didn't ensure your DS was ok as they
must have been aware he doesn't normally get that bus and get off at the last stop!

Did you read the OP? The child had his phone taken by the school.

My 11 year old nephew gets a public bus daily, most children can. This isn't what the OP is about. The child was ushered on an unnumbered bus not knowing it was the wrong bus and without his phone. Hes only a few weeks into secondary school for fuck sake, some children are anxious too. Where's your empathy?

I was gobby at school, but a few weeks in I'm not even sure if I'd found my voice at that stage.

I think the issue really is the teacher. I think it would have gone much better if the teacher wasn’t present at all! He presumably would have collected his phone, gone to the buses realised he had missed his and called you. From his perspective a person in authority basically made him late, did not allow him to collect his phone and then told him to get on a certain bus.

Surely the fault/responsibility lies with both the teacher and the school. There should be a system in place that ensures no school buses leave until every class has finished, including time to go and collect mobile phones. There should also be clear labelling on each bus so the children can be certain they are getting on the right one. The teacher shouldn’t have finished the lesson late but it’s easily done and just a mistake, but none of the buses should have left. Of course having made the children late the teacher should have made sure they were on the right bus - but id the above systems were in place there would be no need. It is also extremely worrying that this school is not apologising and taking responsibility. They should be learning from this and putting procedures in place to ensure it never happens again. Make them. Good luck!

This is horrendous. I would complain to head teacher and ask for meeting. If there was not a sincere apology with a plan of how this wouldn’t happen to a student again I would go to board of governors and letter to ofstead.

I think everyone should remember how difficult it can be to speak up if you’re shy/quiet and it doesn’t come naturally. That’s for adults, let alone being 11 and used to not questioning teachers.

There are plenty of villages in my county similar to OP's description. These are not bustling Miss Marple villages with corner shops and helpful passers by to ask. A few houses set well back from the road. No street lighting. Staying put was the most sensible thing to do.

I am glad the school has recognised their major mistakes. On reflection I can imagine the teacher is probably mortified. As will be the SLT. This could have ended so much worse.

This story resonates with me because I was the child, at the age of 11, who got the wrong bus home. It was scary. There weren't any mobile phones when I was at school.
I spoke up though. I saw another older fellow pupil on the bus. She leant me money, and spoke to the bus driver on my behalf.
I got home at 8pm.
I am sorry this happened and that your son is upset.
My parents and I never once thought to blame the school though.
At 11, and especially as now at high school travelling independently from parents, every child really should start to be developing their skills in risk assessing a situation, how to tell if you are in danger, and in developing their independence. Have you spent time discussing "what would you do if X happened?"

But she said there are no houses, it is just a road with a coach stop. How is that a village?

@ancientgran I dont know where OP lives so not sure but again, in my rural county, village boundaries can be quite a way outside the village (such as it is) itself. Technically you are in the village but in practice you are on a road next to a field! Quite often the village isnt on the main road but the bus stop is. If you dont know the village then you wouldnt know where to go to find it.

Plus, chances are, when you find it there is nothing much there, no shop, no pub, no phone box, no passers by. Lots of villages are like this.

I wouldn't say I was in a village if I was standing on a road with nothing in sight, I'd say I was on a lonely road, or a busy road, or I was on the A30 or something. In a village implies something else, not necessarily shops but certainly houses.

🤦🏻‍♀️So typical of the London centric thinking that many posters on here have.

How can a child living rurally, gain experience of navigating public transport in a busy city when they live about 2 hours from the nearest city and there is no public transport locally.

My DS had a 7 day trip to London this summer partly in order to help him prepare for attending secondary school. He travelled on busses, taxis and tube but with his dad and me. He certainly didn’t travel anywhere alone. It was also the first time he’d seen a homeless person sleeping rough. I think he found that very shocking, and quite right too.

His first experience of catching a bus on his own was the school bus. I still walk him to the main road and wait for him in the afternoon when the bus drops him off.

However, I take issue with your assertion that these children are clueless by comparison. Yes, they lack experience of city living but DS and his pals can identify plants and trees, know how to build shelters from sticks and identify various types of animal droppings so come Armageddon, I suspect that they’ll cope much better than the city kids who have no experience of foraging for food outside of telephoning for a Deliveroo.

Navigating across London by tube is pretty straightforward, there's even a map! Accidentally take the northbound train instead of the southbound one is easily spotted. It's not like they take a different route sometimes. Anyway, hop off and there will be another one in a few minutes heading the other way.

Outside of urban areas such luxuries don't exist. There isn't a helpful map, printed timetable or electronic sign to say when there may be a bus heading in the opposite direction. Anyway there probably won't be another bus.

This lad didn't have his phone, he was somewhere he didn't know. There were no houses around. Staying put was sensible.

I would just tell the school that due to this incident your DC will be keeping their phone switched off but in their school bag all day for the time being so that if anything similar occurs (the bus goes before he is out of class) then DC can call you.

This is a HUGE failure on the school's part. I'd be looking for another school, and I would certainly be screaming to everyone in authority about it all.

If there is one lesson to be learned for your DC from this, it is not to ever, EVER be separated from your phone. That the teacher would put them on a bus, late, without their phones was an extra layer of negligence.

Telling the bus driver would have been sensible.

Do you usually over-react?

Yes, the school stuffed up, the teacher stuffed up but they've both acknwledged that. Procedures are to be changed, the OP and her son have new plans. Why would a change of school be needed?

Thank you for your kind comments. As per a few suggestions even though he knows my number off by heart I have written it on a card and it stays in his bag. Also he will not be giving his phone into reception on arrival in school. It will stay of in his bag. He isn’t the type to use it while at school anyway so might as well stay in his bag. My DH and I are satisfied that the school now seem to have accepted the mistakes made and are trying to rectify them so they don’t happen again. My DH has to go into school again on Monday to speak to the deputy again as to any other changes they are making as a result of the meeting on Friday. He did say that all staff will be told on no account to let children out of lessons Late. I believe it was a keen young supply teacher not taking note of the time and I am happy the teacher has recognised this. We will not take it further as it is a good school and mistakes are sometimes made and as long as lessons learnt then I have no issues.
my DC is fine thank you. The deputy was very kind to him and emailed me after he met with him to clarify what was said. Apologises were made from the teacher too. I don’t believe in dragging this on now as the bigger issue I make of it the bigger issue my DC will feel it is and I don’t want his confidence knocked.
Thank you all for your comments.

There were no houses around

So the bus stopped literally in the middle of nowhere to let him down?

I sympathise, that must have been awful and I an glad he is OK. But on the other hand I don't understand the following:

Why he didn't realise the other children on the bus weren't the usual ones?

Why even a shy 11 year old would choose to sit alone at a bus stop with nothing and no-one around rather than tell the bus driver before getting off the bus that this is not his bus stop?

How you came to find him?

Why you didn't call the police?

Why there is a bus stop in an area so rural there is nothing there?

Well that's what the OP says. Seems really odd.