To think Mumsnet only tolerates a tiny age bracket for women to have children

[Crumpetandbutter]

Teens - Forget it.

Twenties - No. You should be partying, travelling and living the high life, preferably in London.

Early thirties (30-32) you should be building your career.

32-35 - probably acceptable. Many feel 32/33 on the young side.

35-38 - just tolerated. Many feel 37/38 is on the old side.

38+ no. You will die, have a child with disabilities and really how selfish. (If you can have one at all, that is.)

Disclaimer, I think the above is bollocks.

Have a baby when you want to have one.

Blimey. Well to really stir the pot I've just found out I'm pregnant at 40 with my first...

Congratulations @dinosaurcookie !

Thanks @FromageRouge. I'm in shock at the moment, has convinced myself I couldn't get pregnant! Turns out I was wrong😅

@EmeraldShamrock1 that's your experience. In mine however I had DD at 35 . My DM is 55 and works FT, DMIL is in her 70s and retired. It's DMIL that is the most active on the floor with DD.

DM had me young and has no energy because raising kids as a single mum is tiring. DMIL is very MC, had kids in her 40s after getting to the top of her game and meeting DFIL.

Congratulations!

Wow. Have you just found out today?

I find it to be incredibly sexist to claim that Mumsnet is a hive mind. As if women cannot have individual opinions but rather need someone to tell them what their opinions are.

Dear OP, you need to deal with your internalized misogyny because we get enough of that crap from men.

Yanbu the ageism on here is laughable.

out of the seven females in our family who have children at the moment, 1 was 19 and the others were all 38 or older when they gave birth to 11 babies between us.

Not a problem with any of them. No-one is traumatised, or seen a parent die. No issues with bullying or embarrassment at having an 'older' mum. It's just a total non-issue.
No physical issues with the mums either beyond feeling a bit tired.

I think having children in your 20’s is becoming less usual and having them in your late 30’s/40’s more usual depending on demographic.

I had my daughter at 26 and am very much now a “younger parent” at pick up.

The demographic on Mumsnet was at one point skewed towards older, professionals but I think it less so in recent years.

There are general consensus’ on here. That’s not internalised misogyny, any more than it’s internalised racism to say the British are good at queueing or whatever.

Start a thread about dressing a baby boy in blue or a girl in pink and you’ll be told you’re BU. Brave / stupid enough to say trans women are women and you’ll get your arse handed to you. (BTW I don’t believe TWAW - sorry.) Start a thread in the doghouse about what breed of dog to get and half the responses will tell you you’re not worthy to have a dog at all and the other half will tell you to get a retired greyhound.

Of course all the above will have exceptions but threads do tend to go a particular way and it is a bit stupid to say that’s internalised misogyny!

I had my dd at 33 and ds no2 is due when I will have not long turned 37.

I’ve never had any comments, good or bad, about age irl.
It’s only on MN that I read comments about mothers ‘being way too old’ or ‘far too young’

Everybody has their own experiences and opinions. I personally never even considered having kids before the age of 30. I wasn’t ready, even at 30, despite being in a happy , stable long term relationship (with my now dh)

The majority of my friends through uni/work started having their first around 32/33 too, with a 2nd dc 2/3 years later, so it just seems ‘normal’ to me.

I think a pp poster summed it up well
‘Your individual readiness to enter motherhood matters more than age’

*The healthier and fitter part is probably not true.

Many 40 y.o believe they're healthier and fitter because they look good.*

Give over. Have you see how fit and healthy our society is? If you are bringing health and fitness into, so many people would fail. I'd hazardous a guess that age related issues are less of a concern than lifestyle related issues which can leave parents unable to retain energy at a younger age.

My parents worked full time until they were in their mid 60s. They wouldn’t have been able to do any school runs!

My dad retired at 65 and he had my DCs every afternoon while I worked (DM was still working ft as she is a lot younger). I think 60-70 year old GPS are fine with little ones but had I waited, my Dad would have not met them as he died at 70, sadly. For me 20s was the best time but I didn’t have a career as such to consider.

I don’t judge anyone for their age having children (I have quite a few friends who were 16/17). The only thing that does stand out for me is a friend I had in junior school, she was never allowed allowed friends in as her 75 dad couldn’t cope with it, which I thought was sad.

Fully agree with this. These days rubbish lifestyles tend to cause problems more than age...

Give over. Have you see how fit and healthy our society is? If you are bringing health and fitness into, so many people would fail. I'd hazardous a guess that age related issues are less of a concern than lifestyle related issues which can leave parents unable to retain energy at a younger age.

Are you suggesting that older parents avoid lifestyle related issues?

Are all older parents a fit vegan type that never make bad decisions?

That is ridiculous.

I know many fit vegans age 25 and older mothers who enjoy 2 bottles of wine a week with an unhealthy diet.

Health and fitness is not exclusive to older MC parents.

I'm 41 fit. I wouldn't challenge a 25 y.o in a race.

40 y.o today who consciously make healthy choice might be fitter than their ancestors but not the average woman 15 years their junior who also takes care of her body.

emerald you are making broadbrush generalisations and rejecting any potential for people not fitting the rules within these generalisations.

There are unfit older and younger parents as well as for older and younger parents. No-one is suggesting that on the whole older mums are fitter than younger mums.

Do you honestly believe that older parenting is always wrong on fitness grounds with no exceptions, ergo young parents are always fit enough?

Im afraid you need to do a lot better to back up your ‘madness’ post upthread.

BTW I am 47 and sweep past most of the youngsters in my local pool

Anyone who doesn’t think there are preponderances of opinions on Mumsnet should start a thread about toilet brushes or being an unmarried SAHM. Some of them are useful opinions. Some are quite wacky. There are definitely prevailing MN positions on certain things, though.

Don't say any of that.

*didn't say any of that.

And I do fairly well in races. Plenty of people of all ages behind me. I'm not lagging at the back simply because I am in my forties. Don't follow that logic.

Anyway, my point was to the people bringing fitness and health into the argument for against older parents. If they are using that argument, then I believe lifestyle concerns are more of an issue than age-related concerns. Lifestyle concerns are also more likely to be passed onto the children. And as a society, we have huge issues here.

I completely agree with you op. Not your twenties and not your forties or late thirties. Very small window.

Complete BS. There is loads of support for women contemplating having a/another DC in their 40s.

I think there is a lot of denial about the risks of having babies later. There was a different thread with someone citing a 50 year old with triplets as showing older mothers can be fine. Yes there will be some who are but there will be many who have multiple miscarriages
or higher risks of disabilities and tough pregnancies. As long as people go into it with their eyes open then fine but there does seem to be a wilful blindness re the statistics both for pregnancy but also for healthy life expectancy and what that might mean for the teenage years.

My parents were 40 when they had me and that influenced my decision for 35 to be a cut-off.

@Bunnycat101 i also think it’s the ‘social’ risks. Older parenthood has changed the fabric of our society - people are having less children and later, so they tend to end up with a dual burden of small children and elderly parents. Rather than, say, even 30 years ago when people routinely became grandparents in their 50s and early 60s. My Nan was 48 when I was born. The ‘village’ no longer exists so to speak.