To think Mumsnet only tolerates a tiny age bracket for women to have children

[Crumpetandbutter]

Teens - Forget it.

Twenties - No. You should be partying, travelling and living the high life, preferably in London.

Early thirties (30-32) you should be building your career.

32-35 - probably acceptable. Many feel 32/33 on the young side.

35-38 - just tolerated. Many feel 37/38 is on the old side.

38+ no. You will die, have a child with disabilities and really how selfish. (If you can have one at all, that is.)

Disclaimer, I think the above is bollocks.

Have a baby when you want to have one.

It doesn’t matter what other people think. I had my dd at 33. I had quite a few comments about being old. Before I had her people told me “not to leave it too late”. It was none of their business but I was ill in my 20s and on medication that was not safe in pregnancy.
People do it when the time is right for them and sometimes things just don’t go to plan.
My parents were young when they had us. They had loads of energy which they used to go out to parties and pubs. They spent fuck all time with us and didn’t even take care of us properly. They are still relatively young as grandparents but I don’t want them in my child’s life much. Being young on its own is not a good thing in a parent. You have to actually put the advantages of it to good use. There are good points and bad points to every age but it’s all subjective so other peoples opinions don’t matter.

I had ds1 and ds2 at 22 and 25. I felt heavily judged for it both in real life and online.
I had dd at 28 and I felt a lot less judgement irl by that stage. I think by the time I was in my late 20s and early 30s I didn't look obviously young anymore. People couldn't really tell what age I was and just assumed I was older judging by my circumstances.

I'm 37 now and would love another, but realistically I'll be 40 by the time I could consider going again. I often think that if we do have another I will be facing the same judgement again.

Why should women stop having babies between 35 and 37?

The thing is there is truly no wrong age to have a baby. There are so many pros and cons for all ages that in the end they all balance out fairly well and ultimately people who feel the need to make snide comments I think just come across as bored losers in need of a real hobby besides whining on MN about people who's lives don't concern them....

At 29 I was the eldest in the local hospital antenatal class and the youngest in the NCT class.

I think 25-40 is pretty much the child-bearing time. Younger, and quite a number of young women won't have the life skills. (Caveat - some tween and younger mums I know are amazing) Older and biology is against you.

There’s two distinct groups: there are the people who had kids in their 20s who tend to be horrified at the prospect of anyone over the age of 30 TTC and will on a poster who says “Am I too old?” with horror stories about Down’s syndrome and having to care for elderly parents.

And then there’s the women who have focused on their careers and start TTC in their 40s who are scandalised at young mums.

Well, as my kids' ages vary between 47 & 21, I obviously wasn't taking any notice! :-)

I agree with this. Anyone with a strong opinion about the age a stranger conceives a child needs more to think about.

I think women (and it is women) are judged whatever they do.

I also people take things very personally when maternal age is discussed on MN. I generally don’t think having babies at 17 or 44 is ideal. I certainly wouldn’t do it. It doesn’t mean I’m terribly judgey of those who do.

I’ve had kids in my 20’s 30’s and I’m now 40 and I’m 16 weeks pregnant. I had the downs screening and it came back a lower risk than all my other pregnancies. I’m more patient now than I was when I was younger and appreciate what I have.

Tbh I have been surprised at the attitudes to women having babies in their late 30s. I had my first at 38 yet there is a load of weird stuff on here about how I’m too old. I felt young at the time and still do.

tbf I do think it’s often not a good idea to have kids young if you are not set up for them. You are less likely to have a good career and suitable housing at an early age.

Tween mums?

I had mine at 22 and 24 and people used to assume I was younger so I often heard babies having babies! I got lots of comments on it, even now in my 30’s I still get the odd comment as most people are in their mid 30s here when they have their first.

Can’t say I’ve noticed this.

I’ve seen opinions on being financially secure before having children but very a little about age.

I had DD when I was 20 😂😂 Mumsnet cardinal sin we now have a household income of 150k. So definitely did not fuck my life up.

Nah there is definitely a sweet spot

28-35 seems to be accepted

YANBU.

Personally I think dependent on circumstances 20-40 is fine. Many wouldn’t choose either 20 or 40, but for those who do it can also work out quite nicely.

I think people should do what they want, advantages and disadvantages to both. You could be 30 with your ducks in a row and anything can change at any given moment, you don’t know what’s round the corner.

I think you're exaggerating.

Does anyone think a child in your teens is a great idea?

Often posters are worrying about conceiving in their 20s and they're often advised to not worry or rush. That's different to think it's not acceptable!

Older mothers aren't criticised IME.

Although I'm amused that I'm at the height of the respectable age to procreate, having my babies at 32 and 34!

YANBU.

Mid to late 30s is seen as the ‘acceptable age’ on here. Lots of slagging off of young mums, but say anything about older mums and you’re a nasty goady bully.

What I don’t get is when people say ‘Oh I would’ve HATED to have kids in my 20s, why would I want to be changing nappies and cleaning up sick when I could’ve been partying and building my amazing career?’

Well if having kids is that awful, why did you then give up the partying and amazing career to do it

Agree, OP. There is an 'Am I too old to have a baby' thread every other week and when you open it, the OP is 37. 😑

I'm in London media type circles and almost every woman I know in her forties either recently had a baby (covid boom!) or is pregnant. One woman at work had three in her forties.

But why are women asking ‘am I too old?’. It’s weird. It’s just inviting a whole load of strangers to troll you from behind their screens. If you want to have a baby at 40, just fucking do it. Yes, you’re an older mother. It’s just a fact.

But 37 is quite old to be having a baby, biologically. And the majority of women wouldn’t be able to have 3 babies in their 40s.

I find the false hope given on here to be quite cruel at times. You get a 45 year old asking if they’re mad to ttc and posters are all ‘go for it, my nan had a baby at 49, it definitely can happen’ etc. Meanwhile I’m reading it shaking my head knowing the likelihood of conceiving and having a healthy baby at 45 is probably close to zero.

I think 28-32 is an acceptable range for no 1 and 38 for subsequent blessings. Anything else is deviant.

I don’t think there is a perfect age to have a baby as such, obviously the extremes of too young or too old come with the most significant risks. I think my only ‘please really think this through’ is people who have an only child in their 40s - I’ve not seen this play out well many times.