To think Mumsnet only tolerates a tiny age bracket for women to have children

[Crumpetandbutter]

Teens - Forget it.

Twenties - No. You should be partying, travelling and living the high life, preferably in London.

Early thirties (30-32) you should be building your career.

32-35 - probably acceptable. Many feel 32/33 on the young side.

35-38 - just tolerated. Many feel 37/38 is on the old side.

38+ no. You will die, have a child with disabilities and really how selfish. (If you can have one at all, that is.)

Disclaimer, I think the above is bollocks.

Have a baby when you want to have one.

Hardly, I think Mumsnet is skewed to first time mum age of over 30 tbh.

Don't talk rubbish, I'd say 18 through 44 about acceptable on here.

I wouldn’t say ‘should’ but if you have a baby at 35 , you are going to be in well your 50s when before they are adults…… that wouldn’t bother some….I wouldn’t have liked it tho …..I preferred to do all my child rearing when I had the energy….I was 47 when my 3rd turned 18…..but that’s just my preference

I couldn't think of anything worse. 3 teenagers in your 60s! No thanks very much! Must be a sucker for punishment!

IME Mumsnet is an amazingly informed, supportive community - end of.

These threads crack me up. The average age of a first time mother in the UK nowis 31. So by objective definition, anybody around that age by a few years either way is pretty close to average. 36 would be slightly above average, 26 slightly below average (5 years either side). 41 would be quite a lot above average and 21 would be quite a lit below average. 16 would be a very young age and out of the ordinary, as would 46. For a first baby. Those are the objective facts on the stats, although it's obvious it will vary by region, circumstances, economic group etc as all things do.

But why does it matter? Why do you care when other people decide to have a family or think that they care when you do, or even if they do, why do you pay it any attention? Weird.

Yeah, this. The problem is whilst many people feel like a perfectly healthy, sprightly 40 to 42 year old with the energy and gusto of a 20 year old, (so I can jolly well have a baby cause I'm full of energy, and bouncy like a little Labrador puppy,) they forget one salient piece of information...

The fact that in about 10 to 12 years time they will very likely be absolutely fucked energy wise, they will be menopausal, and are going to probably start to develop physical health problems. I'm sorry, but although some people say they are as healthy as a 17 year old in their mid to late 50s, (and older,) the fact is that most people will start to develop certain physical health problems when they pass the age of 50.

Who the bloody hell wants to be dealing with primary school aged children when they are in their mid to late 50s? And with teenagers when they're in their 60s?! And all the school politics, and general 'having young/school age children' bullshit.... Lots of expense, running them around everywhere, having to deal with bullying, tolerating and supporting all their hobbies and interests, never putting yourself first, and putting your own life - and what YOU want to do - on hold for another 2 decades.

Most people surely want to get to early 50s, and start having time to themselves and going travelling, or socialising a lot more, or just having lots of 'me time' or 'couple' time. You will also potentially have elderly parents to care for. Who wants to be looking after school age children, on top of elderly parents to care for when you're knocking the door of SIXTY? Nah fuck that.

@kitcat15 Some of us don't have a choice though. I met my husband at 29, married at 32 and then we had fertility problems. Our son wasn't born until I was 34 and now we've been trying for number two for nearly a year and are facing the same issues. In an ideal world I'd have two children and be done by now but that's just not how my life worked out. I still have plenty of energy at 36 by the way 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gosh, it's come to something when 40-year-olds are described as 'sprightly'. Blimey.

I'll get my Zimmer frame and cardi ready for when I'm 50!

I see this often. If you start a thread about pregnant teenager DD, most replies will be saying to abort.

Some women are validating their own life choices in threads like these.
The truth is that there is no perfect or right time to have kids. You will always find a reason not to have kids at every stage.
My eldest was an unplanned pregnancy, I was early 20’s, bad relationship, career was entry level and no money. It was tough at the time, but other moms have kids at same age and it’s isn’t a tough for them as they are in different circumstances.
I am currently expecting number 3 in my late 30’s and had number 2 last year. My circumstances are drastically different money, partner, career. I would of preferred to have them younger but wasn’t in the position to. We all have different life experiences and make our decisions about when to have children accordingly.

There definitely seems to be a contingent who are vocal about how awful it is to consider motherhood beyond your early 40’s. Im 50 with a two year old and couldn’t be happier! My bright, beautiful DD wants for nothing and is completely adored by both her ‘aged’ parents but according to some MNers we have ruined her life by having her so late!

I think you're wrong that most people think this way, but I definitely think these are stereotypes that exist out there for sure.

Also number of children:

0 - what the fuck are you thinking? You'll regret it forever. Where will you spend Christmas when you're old and alone? Your poor parents won't have grandkids. It is selfish.

1- you are selfish, and your kid will be selfish becaus they never learned to share.

2 - well done you. Though having any children is a drain on the planet's resources, so you probably shouldn't have done it.

3 - okay, so long as you only had two girls or two boys before. But a bit self-indulgent. Don't have any more.

4 + - any problems you have in life you brought on yourself by having too many children. You are not allowed to be tired/broke/struggling. If your kids are unhappy, it's because you put your own need for a baby before their needs as individuals. And also you are ruining the planet. You are selfish.

Not really.
There are women of all ages on here obviously. It's mumsnet!

IRL I've known from age 16 to mid 40s who have given birth.

I had mine fairly young and happy I did.

I think 30-35 is probably the best time but that doesn't mean all other ages it shouldn't happen! Depends on individual circumstances and preferences and luck of biology I guess.

The posters like @WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps who have a whole thing about women being too old for teenagers in their 50s ... I mean, maybe that's you, but not someone else.

What do people think happened before contraception? The average age of a last pregnancy was 41 in Victorian times. Average. That includes all the women who died before they even got there. There have always been women in their 40s having children, and when life expectancy was less reliable. Get over it!

YABU. I had my first at 19 - I've been quite welcomed here!

I do agree though 40+ you shouldn't be having babies due to the problems that could arise.

I don’t think you’ve ruined her life. But if I’m being honest I do think being the only child of older parents is problematic, maybe not now but further down the line. I don’t know many situations where it’s worked out well for the child.

myhusband - she’s not an only child she’s my third. I do agree though being the only child to manage an elderly parent can be stressful. I’m currently going through this with my mum who had me in her 30’s - I do have an elder brother but he has severe learning difficulties so I’m the one the buck stops with.

Ah I see, sorry I thought she was an only. How old are your other kids? Was it a surprise natural conception? (Just being nosy at this point!).

@Glitteringapples congratulations to you - it sounds like your daughter has a wonderful family.

You must have missed at least 2 posts on this thread cricisting women like my mother, one of my step-mothers and me who had children in their 40s.

God help those posters as they don't realise there are a small number of woman who give birth in their early 50s and get pregnant without assistance. (I'm sure 3 of my SILs and a close friend aren't liars.)

Myhusband - yes she was naturally conceived. Easiest pregnancy and easiest birth too!

Wow!

I was told women shouldn't have children before they were 21 due to problems that could arise.