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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this woman on my street "helping" with my bins every week?

227 replies

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 29/09/2022 13:38

A woman on my street (about 5 doors away - don't know her name, she doesn't even say hello if she sees me) rushes out to put all the neighbours' bins back after the binmen have been. (Not sure how many other houses she does but it's not just mine.) I don't like it because she goes into my drive to do it and she can see into my house through the window. It just feels unnecessary and intrusive. I'm guessing she wants to be helpful and clear the pavement for others and thinks we are all to slow putting them back. Would it be ungracious to pop out and tell her thanks but there's no need?

OP posts:
Draughtycatflapreturns · 30/09/2022 11:19

Could you play dead and lie in wait for her on your driveway? Test that old ticker of hers out…

genuinelyaskingforafriend · 30/09/2022 11:23

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 29/09/2022 13:51

What does the postman do? Couriers? etc Surely they can see in too? What are you doing in there? Sacrificing goats?
YABU.

No they can't. No I'm not. But maybe walking around in my underwear sometimes.

Oh come on!

You know what day and the rough time she will be putting them back. Keep your dressing gown on then!

KTKismet · 30/09/2022 11:30

I'm surprised at the number of posts saying OP should be grateful for something she never asked the neighbour to do, and for something that she finds intrusive.

I hate people on my property, I suffer from anxiety.

Similar to a pp, I had a postman that would walk directly in front of our lounge window, rather than back down the path, along the pavement to access my ndn. This may seem fine for some, but for me it was enough to induce a panic attack.

I would have a word and say thanks, but I'll get it in future please. I'm uncomfortable with people being on my property next to my windows when I'm in during the day.

For those who said put clothes on - why should she have to?? She's in her house, she should be able to stroll round starkers if she wants; not have to cover up in the off chance a busy body is on her property.

And as for SAHM unable to beat a neighbour five doors up to get her bin... Maybe she's watching her kids, which is why she can't just dash out! And also... Where is the bloody rule that says you have to go straight out and get it!! 🙄

JOFFCV · 30/09/2022 11:42

I can't help but keep think of Hyacinth Bucket.

JustJustWhy · 30/09/2022 11:46

KTKismet · 30/09/2022 11:30

I'm surprised at the number of posts saying OP should be grateful for something she never asked the neighbour to do, and for something that she finds intrusive.

I hate people on my property, I suffer from anxiety.

Similar to a pp, I had a postman that would walk directly in front of our lounge window, rather than back down the path, along the pavement to access my ndn. This may seem fine for some, but for me it was enough to induce a panic attack.

I would have a word and say thanks, but I'll get it in future please. I'm uncomfortable with people being on my property next to my windows when I'm in during the day.

For those who said put clothes on - why should she have to?? She's in her house, she should be able to stroll round starkers if she wants; not have to cover up in the off chance a busy body is on her property.

And as for SAHM unable to beat a neighbour five doors up to get her bin... Maybe she's watching her kids, which is why she can't just dash out! And also... Where is the bloody rule that says you have to go straight out and get it!! 🙄

I think this answers @Johnnysgirl 's question of

How do some people get through the day?

The answer being "With great difficulty".

Genuine anxiety can lead to such distress in scenarios that it wouldn't even occur to others could cause upset. Ironically it's usually these people who litter their Social Media pages with how their door is always open to those who are struggling!

LakieLady · 30/09/2022 11:56

girlmom21 · 29/09/2022 13:52

I don't think it's a bad thing as she's making the road more accessible for everyone and saving you a job. Is she staring into your window?

I agree.

We have narrow pavements and when bins are left on the pavements, people have to walk in the road to get past.

I think it's public spirited and don't mind when my neighbour does it.

RosetteNebula · 30/09/2022 12:22

I wouldn't really like this either. I'd be too British to say anything though.

WireSkills · 30/09/2022 16:48

RosetteNebula · 30/09/2022 12:22

I wouldn't really like this either. I'd be too British to say anything though.

Same!

I was WFH the other day and sitting in the dining room, where you can see all the way through to the front of the house.

During the day, the postman and two flyer delivery men all walked across my driveway, right in front of the living room window, rather than walk to the front of the properties and along the road, then back up the driveway.

There is no fence between us and our neighbour and it's paved, not grass, so I can totally see why they do it, but walking right in front of the window just seems really intrusive, even if they didn't look!

I probably wouldn't ever say anything because I'll look mad!

One day I'll just start a little game of seeing how close I have to park the car to the house to make them walk round it! 😂

mustbetheseasonofthewitch · 01/10/2022 10:16

Johnnysgirl · 30/09/2022 11:04

Invasive?? How do some people get through the day?

Show quote history

Well... depending on what time the cheerful helper brings the bins in, onto the OP's drive, they might be still trying to sleep. They might be getting dressed or undressed.

Taking over a job of someone else, without discussing it first, making that assumption you are being helpful, and coming onto someone else's property, no matter how well-meaning, is invasive.

Johnnysgirl · 01/10/2022 10:26

mustbetheseasonofthewitch · 01/10/2022 10:16

Well... depending on what time the cheerful helper brings the bins in, onto the OP's drive, they might be still trying to sleep. They might be getting dressed or undressed.

Taking over a job of someone else, without discussing it first, making that assumption you are being helpful, and coming onto someone else's property, no matter how well-meaning, is invasive.

Show quote history

Or they might be hanging about in front of the front window in their knickers, which appears to be op's main dilemma 🤷🏻‍♀️

luxxlisbon · 01/10/2022 10:29

It’s annoying to navigate the pavement with a pram or in a wheelchair when bins are put all day, maybe she is well aware of that.
If you have an issue with so much and are home anyway then go and take your bin in.

Aprilx · 01/10/2022 10:29

LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit · 29/09/2022 13:51

What does the postman do? Couriers? etc Surely they can see in too? What are you doing in there? Sacrificing goats?
YABU.

No they can't. No I'm not. But maybe walking around in my underwear sometimes.

But anyone might come onto your drive at any time. I frankly think you are being ridiculous feeling so territorial about your drive. Your neighbour is a nice person, unlike you it seems.

mustbetheseasonofthewitch · 01/10/2022 12:28

Your neighbour is a nice person, unlike you it seems.

You don't sound particularly nice yourself. HTH.

Candlesoftime · 01/10/2022 12:39

Ihatemyroad · 29/09/2022 14:10

Can’t you catch her one day, introduce yourself and say thank you and then mention there’s no need to do your bin in future but she’s been so kind doing it up until now?

This sounds perfect to me. Be polite and acknowledge they were only trying to help. But you are not unreasonable to say "Thanks but no thanks".

I would secretly think the neighbour a bit odd to be honest!

mycatisannoying · 01/10/2022 12:45

What a strange attitude.

I seriously hope you word it along the lines of 'thank you so much for all your help with the bins so far, but I don't want to put you out any further, so am happy to do my own'.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/10/2022 12:46

Couldn’t get worked up about it.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 01/10/2022 12:53

readsalotgirl63 · 29/09/2022 13:56

For those who move bins for elderly neighbours would you continue to do so if they asked you not to ?

If their bins were causing an obstruction. Yes. But I'd put them in the first place where they weren't causing any obstruction instead of putting them away.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 01/10/2022 12:56

WireSkills · 30/09/2022 16:48

Same!

I was WFH the other day and sitting in the dining room, where you can see all the way through to the front of the house.

During the day, the postman and two flyer delivery men all walked across my driveway, right in front of the living room window, rather than walk to the front of the properties and along the road, then back up the driveway.

There is no fence between us and our neighbour and it's paved, not grass, so I can totally see why they do it, but walking right in front of the window just seems really intrusive, even if they didn't look!

I probably wouldn't ever say anything because I'll look mad!

One day I'll just start a little game of seeing how close I have to park the car to the house to make them walk round it! 😂

Show quote history

Don't be so petty. It's paved, they're not damaging anything, stop making them walk further for no reason.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 01/10/2022 12:59

mustbetheseasonofthewitch · 01/10/2022 10:16

Well... depending on what time the cheerful helper brings the bins in, onto the OP's drive, they might be still trying to sleep. They might be getting dressed or undressed.

Taking over a job of someone else, without discussing it first, making that assumption you are being helpful, and coming onto someone else's property, no matter how well-meaning, is invasive.

Show quote history

Yeah, I agree, it is intrusive if it's by windows or just makes you feel you're not looking after you house/bins properly yourself. It kind of makes you feel beholden to them when you don't actually need them moving the bins for you.

Mummysharkdoodoodoodoodoodoo · 01/10/2022 13:45

Yes, I think it would be unreasonable, rude and unnecessary.

Krank · 01/10/2022 15:30

If you know what number she lives at, pop a letter through her door removing her implied right of access. She wouldnt legally be allowed to set foot on your property then. Look on google for templates.

Johnnysgirl · 01/10/2022 15:57

Krank · 01/10/2022 15:30

If you know what number she lives at, pop a letter through her door removing her implied right of access. She wouldnt legally be allowed to set foot on your property then. Look on google for templates.

You can't be serious...

GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok · 01/10/2022 17:59

Send the helpful neighbour 😂her to the volunteer thread, she would find lots to do there

shrunkenhead · 12/02/2023 19:18

🍪

Gingernan · 13/02/2023 18:16

She's doing you a favour.A neighbour does it for me sometimes. I expect she sometimes gets a quick flash of my kitchen,big deal.