To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

[Explaintome]

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

No you are not! I would make the most of it!

She probably doesn't care. But if it makes you feel good then crack on.

You aren't awful and I wouldn't say this marks you out as still not being over your school life. I'd continue as you are, hello but no more effort than that. Even if she's a different person and that whole shebang it doesn't matter. In the end we remember how we were made to feel regardless of the circumstances.

This thread is all a bit of a humble-brag but I suppose I wouldn’t blame for enjoying how the tables have turned.

It wasn't intended to be humble 😆 I'm pretty pleased with how things turned out for me because I was an unhappy teenager and really struggled socially until my mid 30s. I've really had to put myself outside my comfort zone to achieve what I have.

Good for you op! I’d feel rightly smug too!

Good for u!!! When u are bullied or belittled at school it has a lasting effect on you forever. You enjoy being you.

Perfectly reasonable to enjoy this. Especially as you're not behaving in the horrible way she treated you at school. A polite hello and being proud of what you've overcome puts her to shame

Hmmmm I'm going against the grain here and I'm not entirely sure I would enjoy this.

I was properly bullied by one girl, and she ended up in a series of abusive relationships and got badly beaten by one of her dps. Can't say I thought "yuss" tbh. She was a cunt at school, don't get me wrong.

I think what I'd have liked was a proper apology, not her to have a terrible life.

Sounds amazing on paper that they're going to plummet while you thrive, but in reality it was just quite grim to hear what happened to her.

I'm rambling, but you have no idea why she was awful at school or what might have led her to being where she is now (checks notes; not as fast at running as you and no buddies at park run). So either it isn't a big deal and she's fine or she isn't and I don't quite get why either are pleasurable.

YANBU in the slightest. When I got to the Parkrun bit of your post I thought it was going to lead into 'AIBU to push her over?' or something . But are you being unreasonable to feel a bit smug in the circumstances? Hell no!!!

@ChezFelix we are talking about someone feeling like a fish out of water.. not a woman being physically abused.. obviously no one in their right mind would feel smug about the latter

I think you need to grow up!
I’m sorry you were bullied at school, this should have been dealt with at the time. You have absolutely no idea what her home life was like that made her into a bully… was she the victim or witnessed DV for example?!?!?
For a self confessed intelligent professional to still hold a grudge 30 years later is pretty petty.

I don't think I'm pleased to have done better than she has. I've no idea what her life is. It's more that I'm pleased she gets to see that mine's pretty good.

I particularly enjoyed lapping her last week, as I remembered the jeering at our 4th year sports day.

Nope. You're human.

She's holding a mirror up to what you have achieved despite people like her acting superior, making you feel bad & knocking you down.

Assuming you're not bad mouthing her or deliberately excluding her, I'd hope you're enjoying this evidence of your own success, rather than relishing her inferiority (or maybe just a tiny bit).

Is that the case?

No, you're not really awful, it's a very understandable reaction. But like you say, it probably does show you're not really over your experiences at school. Won't the best feeling be when you realise you know longer care how well or badly these people from the past are doing?

She could be really lovely now why don’t you say hello

Nice to see karma in action!

OK so your child is having a terrible time at school at the hands of someone who has a terrible homelife. That's OK? It doesn't have a lasting effect on them?

For all I know her life is better than mine, she just a bit slow at running. I just like to think she'll be surprised to see how life turned out for me I.e. I can run and have friends, (which is something she seemed determined I shouldn't have when we were at school)

Just a straightforward ‘brag’ then?

Good for you OP.

I'm amazed you both still live where you went to school though and you see people around and remember them. Very unusual.

I haven't even mentioned that I knew her. It's not a story I want to tell to people I know now tbh

Will you feel embarrassed if she sees this thread and makes the connection that this is you talking about her?!

I don'f know... I look at these threads which say how immature teenagers/secondary aged kids can be. I definitely was one of them. I wasn't bullied and I'm not sure I'd get a kick out of this.
You could be proud of yourself without locking this other person in the ground.
Maybe in 10 years time or so you'll think differently.

humble brag

i don't think there's anything humble about it!

@Explaintome you were kids at school, 30!years on you're (supposedly) grown adults. I wouldn't have blamed you for keeping a wary distance, not at all. But your post here is actually pretty nasty. We get it, you're a better runner, popular, successful and you think you're so much better than her. It makes you feel superior.

yes, she was horrible when you were kids, but often those children have issues & troubles at home.

I think gloating now does show you in a terrible light.

Its not unusual at all outside of metropolitan areas. Especially if the local demographic is that few went to Uni. I'm always bumping into people I was at school with or people who know someone I was at school with. I'd say 50% at least of the running club grew up in the town.