To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

[Explaintome]

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

Well done OP and kudos to you that you are being civil to her with a cheery hello when so many other people wouldn't (and many would say with good reason!).
I'm glad you're away from the torment of school and are able to fulfil your ambitions now. It's awful when kids with lots of potential don't get to make the most of it st school.

I would just play it neutral, enjoy your position in the group, be polite but no need to welcome her with open arms. Give it time and you might see that she's a completely different person now and that you actually get on. If she still the same as she always was then I'm sure it will be obvious soon enough.

Y'know what, so what if it is? OP's proud of what she's achieved and so she should be.

I think it's fine OP, it's not like you're running up to her going 'ner ner ner ner ner, I can run faster than you' 🤷‍♀️

Surely in that case it's on her to show she's a different person by apologising for the harm she caused? Because I assume we're all in agreement that bullying does cause real and lasting harm?

I get it, I really do, but for your own mental health I think you should try and move on. As they say, the best revenge is living well. Don't allow this woman any more of your headspace.

It may have been a long time ago but these things stay with you. You’re being polite so I don’t see any problem with quietly enjoying doing well. 😉

I have a friend that’s now very successful but he was horribly bullied for years by a few kids at school. They were very unkind to the rest of our group too for the crime of being friends with him. We’re all still keep in touch, our friend is polite when he sees them but we all do slightly enjoy that these bullies are now desperate to have an association with him. Is that petty? Probably, but who cares. They made his life and ours to a lesser extent a misery at times, ironically partly because of the thing he’s now made a very successful life doing.

Glad things are good for you OP. 😊

That must be quite tempting though. 😂

Not unusual at all!

@Tickledpickled

I think you maybe missed my point, which u sort of summarised at the end of my post:

So either it isn't a big deal and she's fine or she isn't and I don't quite get why either are pleasurable

Big deal = like what ended up happening to my bully
Not a big deal = she just isn't a very fast runner and op is and she comes alone to park run while op has some running buddies

Why are either "go girl, good for you hun, high five" scenarios 🤔. Genuinely don't get it.

Thinking about it, maybe op just thinks how far she's come and now she isn't scared of her anymore. She's just a woman. The whole "I can run faster than she can" part would be a red herring then

*I sort of summarised

I don't think it makes me better than her, for all I know she's running some mutli million pound business and a children's charity. I think it makes me better than the person she made me think I could be.

Is it gloating if it's all internal? As I said I haven't mentioned it to anyone IRL.

If she did see the thread, no I wouldn't be embarrassed for her to know how much what she did affected me or that I (eventually) overcame it.

How would you feel if she made friends in the group though? Or will you try to stop her doing so?

After all she didn't bully the others 30 years ago?

You're not awful, but you're still allowing her to dictate your benchmarks and how you feel, and she doesn't care at all.

You're right, it doesn't paint you in a good light. She was horrible to you 30 years ago as a child and now 30 years later, as an adult you're horrible about her. You might be a faster runner but you're no better than her.

She probably doesn't find you as impressive as you find yourself. You're someone at an activity she goes to. I think you've allowed yourself to get a bit carried away with the superior feeling you're clearly riding on.

Good for you OP! You feel how you feel - I think it’s nice of you to say hello and be polite to be honest - I’d be tempted to “accidentally” trip her up when she crosses a particularly muddy path 😂

"I'm always bumping into people I was at school with or people who know someone I was at school with. I'd say 50% at least of the running club grew up in the town."

Blimey. Is that not super claustrophobic though?

I think you come across pretty well in your OP, I was expecting you to suggest dining something awful to her. I think it’s fine to enjoy your (rather visible) superiority at parkrun.

*doing

How do you know? She will remember being unkind to OP at school. She’ll now see OP being more friendly to others. If she has become a better person, she’ll realise that that’s possibly because of things in the past and will feel some guilt. If she’s not become a better person she may not notice or care, but then who cares about OP being polite but cool with someone that hasn’t changed.

OPs fine.

Absolutely not!
Shine, this is your time.
Ignore them.

Nah you're not mean

I was the boffin at school (god I've not heard that word in a very very long time).

There was one particular utter cow at school. Of course, all the boys fancied her. She was teachers bloody pet as well despite being very openly thick as two short planks.

Me and my nerd gang used to call her the Poison Dwarf cos she used to make us miserable and get away with it.

About 15 years after leaving, I lived in a nice house, with DH and at the time toddler DD and life was grand.

Got a knock on the door and when I opened it, saw some scruffy, dirty thing in a hood on the doorstep. It easily asked me if a certain person was there and can I come in.

I realised it was a local druggy, they were an issue as they would knock and make an excuse to see if anyone was in.

It was poison dwarf.

She looked about 20 years older than me. We were only 25.

I chased her off the doorstep and said "you don't remember me do you? You used to make my life miserable, now look at the state of you"

I then called a couple of the friendship group I was still in contact with. I felt a bit bad but DH said, well, considering she possibly wanted to burgle our house and was an utter cow back in the day you were justified.

It's not hurtful. You owe them nothing.

YANBU to enjoy it, but if she keeps turning up then I'd say she either doesn't particularly remember it, or doesn't really care.

To be fair, she has no idea what your life is like either... Just that you're a good runner and you've been doing park run long enough to have gotten to know people who do it too 🤷🏻‍♀️
This may make her seethe with jealousy, or it may not. Why presume anything?

Nope you are not awful you are fabulous! I get secretly chuffed that my school bully, who used to jump me and beat me up, is doing badly in adult life.