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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

280 replies

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 18:48

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

OP posts:
funrunning · 28/09/2022 20:51

Think we can spot the school bullies on this thread…

Quincythequince · 28/09/2022 20:53

Grow up and get over it!
Honestly.

Quincythequince · 28/09/2022 20:54

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 19:05

I don't think I'm pleased to have done better than she has. I've no idea what her life is. It's more that I'm pleased she gets to see that mine's pretty good.

I particularly enjoyed lapping her last week, as I remembered the jeering at our 4th year sports day.

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She’s probably paying no attention to you. At all.

Move on.

Original poster
Explaintome · 28/09/2022 20:55

Actually I do work with troubled teens and absolutely understand the reasons they can behave the way they do. It doesn't make it OK or prevent it hurting others though and it's not helpful to them to have people make excuses for them.

I'm not taking pleasure in anyone's downfall, as far as I know she hasn't had one. I certainly wouldn't have enjoyed the drug addict moment described here. That's tragic.

My pleasure is simply the realisation that I've achieved much more and have a better life than she tried to have me to believe I could, but she doesn't know that's how I'm feeling and neither does anyone else.

Parkrun isn't the least bit cliquey, I've managed to make friends there! I've been perfectly polite to her. If she made an effort to become part of the group, she probably would be accepted. I'm not going to tell anyone she shouldn't be, I'll let them make their own decisions. If she's lovely now all's well, if she's not they'll soon work that out.

I don't know if she remembers how things were at school, but she definitely remembers me. In fact she recognised me first and had to tell me who she was, so that was an added bonus 😆

OP posts:
5128gap · 28/09/2022 20:56

ReneBumsWombats · 28/09/2022 20:43

I know, but the film is quite unbelievably and offensively sexist and racist and it's all fine because the poor downtrodden nerds are doing it. The reviews at the time were scathing. I know it's a comedy and not real etc but it's obvious what the implications are.

Obviously I know this isn't at all what's meant by most people who refer to it. But it is interesting in that it does demonstrate how many people who consider themselves nerds really aren't any better, or even that different, to the "popular" kids. The guys who made this film obviously saw themselves as the nerds and their automatic sense of superiority really isn't that different to what they imagined the popular kids felt. And it led them to think this kind of thing is funny and acceptable...if nerds do it.

There's a cultural phenomenon of stories where it's fine to treat women like utter shit if it's a nerd doing it. It's very interesting.

Anyway, I'm digressing so I will leave that there. I hope it's obvious that there's no excuse for bullying. Just noting that nerdiness really doesn't automatically confer any kind of superiority. My nerdy clique, looking back, had just as much infighting and superiority complex as the cool crowd. The programme that actually explored this really well was Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

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No, that's really interesting. I know nothing about the film. I know it far more as an expression, although obviously I'm aware it's a film title.
And fair points, well made.

Nameless3 · 28/09/2022 20:57

Elsiebear90 · 28/09/2022 20:49

I was bullied for being smart, called a “swot”, ridiculed for doing homework and getting awards etc at school. A few years after I left I saw a girl who used to bully me working on a checkout in a shop, I purposely went to her till so she would have to serve me and see my staff ID with my job title on (I work in the NHS and the shop offered NHS discount) she looked mortified and I felt very smug. I don’t know if it was right to feel that way, but I felt like all the bullying I went through was worth it in the end and I came away feeling much happier.

See I hate this attitude on these threads. There's no shame in working on a check out and working for the NHS is not exactly a high flying career.

Quincythequince · 28/09/2022 20:58

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 19:05

I don't think I'm pleased to have done better than she has. I've no idea what her life is. It's more that I'm pleased she gets to see that mine's pretty good.

I particularly enjoyed lapping her last week, as I remembered the jeering at our 4th year sports day.

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Missed the last bit.
Actually very pathetic.

You enjoy overlapping an unfit women? Have a word with yourself.

You do parkrun a disservice

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 20:59

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/09/2022 20:36

😄

I wonder if some of us "morally correct" ones have worked with kids from troubled backgrounds who don't always behave in the best ways as children? I know I have. It's really hard sometimes as the adult, knowing what you know about some kids' backgrounds and trying to get them to regulate their behaviour. I've worked with a teen who once gave the most foul-mouthed and raging outburst to another kid that you could think of. Most people (other younger teens) witnessing that would not have known that the kid's dad had been murdered in the most horrendous way 6 months previously, and would have been scared and intimidated by his behaviour. As the adult present you have to chastise that kid for the outburst while simultaneously weeping for them and their absolutely hideous personal life.

I would urge everyone never to feel smug about their own lives in comparison to someone else's. You never know what's behind it all.

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Yes, I do work with teenagers with SEN and behavioural issues. It's in my history if anyone is so inclined to be running advance searched or whatever. I name change veeeery regularly but feel free to ask HQ.

I do wonder if that makes a difference.

And before the inevitable 🥱, "can't believe you're allowed to worm with children" comments start, well I've been civil, I just don't happen to agree with people mocking vulnerable adults like drug addicts and enjoying it (the more extreme end of the comments on here). I just don't revel in other people feeling like shit. That got me a personal attack (now deleted) and an implied one. I've never attacked anyone on here at all and wouldn't.

nomilk1sugar · 28/09/2022 21:01

Wholeheartedly relate.

A little team of bitches from my last company all got their comeuppance in a company reshuffle. Some were effectively demoted, some were laid off and some others missed promotions I know they would have expected.

6 months before that I got a great payout and have had a great life ever since.

I hope all of the bitches have a good life but I felt properly gleeful when I heard the news.

HannaHanna · 28/09/2022 21:02

@ChezFelix What makes you think the woman feels like shit though?
All I got was that the OP feels good about herself now and is happy to know she's overcome being bullied. She's said a number of times that she has no idea what the other woman's life is like. It's not about making someone else feel badly or comparing herself to the other woman. OP is comparing herself then to herself now and feels good about where she is today.

HannaHanna · 28/09/2022 21:03

A total "Living well is the best revenge" story, actually.

PollyAmour · 28/09/2022 21:03

Going against the grain, I think you are behaving disgracefully, and it would be far better to offer your friendship and support, instead of this Mean Girls stance you have adopted.

nomilk1sugar · 28/09/2022 21:05

PollyAmour · 28/09/2022 21:03

Going against the grain, I think you are behaving disgracefully, and it would be far better to offer your friendship and support, instead of this Mean Girls stance you have adopted.

tell me you weren't bullied in school without saying it...

nothing disgraceful about what the op has said. she's even away it doesn't sound the best but from anyone who has been there, they can relate to the feelings of fuck yeah, and walking away in a blaze of glory. it's a superb feeling.

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:06

HannaHanna · 28/09/2022 21:02

@ChezFelix What makes you think the woman feels like shit though?
All I got was that the OP feels good about herself now and is happy to know she's overcome being bullied. She's said a number of times that she has no idea what the other woman's life is like. It's not about making someone else feel badly or comparing herself to the other woman. OP is comparing herself then to herself now and feels good about where she is today.

I was talking about the drug addict

ReneBumsWombats · 28/09/2022 21:06

nomilk1sugar · 28/09/2022 21:01

Wholeheartedly relate.

A little team of bitches from my last company all got their comeuppance in a company reshuffle. Some were effectively demoted, some were laid off and some others missed promotions I know they would have expected.

6 months before that I got a great payout and have had a great life ever since.

I hope all of the bitches have a good life but I felt properly gleeful when I heard the news.

Enjoy. Life is peaks and troughs for everyone.

UnCivil · 28/09/2022 21:09

PollyAmour · 28/09/2022 21:03

Going against the grain, I think you are behaving disgracefully, and it would be far better to offer your friendship and support, instead of this Mean Girls stance you have adopted.

What exactly has OP done that is ‘disgraceful’?

noomchikka · 28/09/2022 21:10

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 19:05

I don't think I'm pleased to have done better than she has. I've no idea what her life is. It's more that I'm pleased she gets to see that mine's pretty good.

I particularly enjoyed lapping her last week, as I remembered the jeering at our 4th year sports day.

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Did you really 'lap' someone at parkrun? It's usually only a 5k loop, isn't it?

HannaHanna · 28/09/2022 21:10

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 21:06

I was talking about the drug addict

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Agree, that was really sad and terrible.

Darbs76 · 28/09/2022 21:10

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 19:13

Its not unusual at all outside of metropolitan areas. Especially if the local demographic is that few went to Uni. I'm always bumping into people I was at school with or people who know someone I was at school with. I'd say 50% at least of the running club grew up in the town.

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The town I grew up in, hardly anyone has left! I left 20yrs ago but all my old school friends remain and see old school friends all the time. I’d say that’s pretty standard for small towns

sagalooshoe · 28/09/2022 21:10

I too would feel glad if someone who looked down on me suddenly wanted to be where I was.

However, she was a child when she tormented you. You have no idea how much she has grown and changed as a person. Enjoy the superiority for a couple of weeks then get off your bitchy high horse and include her. Be a good person, not a grudgebearer.

HannaHanna · 28/09/2022 21:11

PollyAmour · 28/09/2022 21:03

Going against the grain, I think you are behaving disgracefully, and it would be far better to offer your friendship and support, instead of this Mean Girls stance you have adopted.

Are we on the same thread?

DillDanding · 28/09/2022 21:11

I’m happy to beat anyone I know at Parkrun, let alone someone I disliked 😂

memorial · 28/09/2022 21:14

funrunning · 28/09/2022 20:51

Think we can spot the school bullies on this thread…

Absolutely. The ones who think they can dictate when and how others recover from past traumas.

whoopdedo · 28/09/2022 21:15

Most of the awful people at school had shit going on with their lives. They were kids and I couldn't possibly hold them to their behaviour as a kid. I think you should grow up a bit and just treat her kindly.

Original poster
Explaintome · 28/09/2022 21:15

noomchikka · 28/09/2022 21:10

Did you really 'lap' someone at parkrun? It's usually only a 5k loop, isn't it?

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Depends on the course. Ours is 3 laps to make 5k. Several are.

OP posts:
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