Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

280 replies

Explaintome · 28/09/2022 18:48

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

OP posts:
Lucinda7 · 28/09/2022 19:47

It's karma OP. Enjoy! I certainly would.

Nameless3 · 28/09/2022 19:51

What is the karma though? That the OP can run faster and knows people at the Park run?

Chances are the school bully will get to know the others at the group too.

pfs · 28/09/2022 19:53

reminds me of the poem tich miller.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/09/2022 19:53

Yeah fuck it, you deserve some smugness 😂

caringcarer · 28/09/2022 19:55

You owe her nothing. Glad you turned your life around.

ReneBumsWombats · 28/09/2022 19:56

ChicagoCubsFan · 28/09/2022 19:31

How do you know? She will remember being unkind to OP at school. She’ll now see OP being more friendly to others. If she has become a better person, she’ll realise that that’s possibly because of things in the past and will feel some guilt. If she’s not become a better person she may not notice or care, but then who cares about OP being polite but cool with someone that hasn’t changed.

OPs fine.

Show quote history

How do you know?

You're right. Perhaps this woman is consumed from within by the knowledge that OP runs better than she does and it all but destroys her. But it hasn't stopped her running, so she's clearly not letting it get to her that much.

She will remember being unkind to OP at school...She’ll now see OP being more friendly to others. If she has become a better person, she’ll realise that that’s possibly because of things in the past and will feel some guilt.

Er, how do you know? My experience is that most school bullies either don't remember it at all or remember it very differently. Why would she have a sudden moral epiphany 30 years later at a park run?

Houseplantmad · 28/09/2022 19:56

Good on you being civil, I'm not sure I would have been. Well done on your achievements too.

Hibye23289 · 28/09/2022 19:57

No you"re not awful. I'd accidentally trip her up while you're at it too and let your friends now what they were like at school 😊

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 19:58

Nameless3 · 28/09/2022 19:51

What is the karma though? That the OP can run faster and knows people at the Park run?

Chances are the school bully will get to know the others at the group too.

Thank you! Someone who is also confused by the responses on here 🤣. Thought I was having a stroke.

The person who shouted at the drug addict and then told all her mates what a state she looked.... Well there you are. Some people clearly do really enjoy it when their bully ends up in a truly bad way. Seems pretty grim to me, but life's rich tapestry

tranquiltortoise · 28/09/2022 19:59

You are not really any better than her if you are taking pleasure in her lesser status - exactly as she did to you all those years ago.

RealBecca · 28/09/2022 20:00

So you're pleased shes a slow runner at something she has just started? 🤨

She was a child when she was an arsehole. Perhaps you can reflect that she might have had something going on and treat her with the compassion you would treat a child with.

Hibye23289 · 28/09/2022 20:01

@ChezFelix I think when you are put through such an awful time at school which never leaves you then no I wouldn't give a shit about a bully turning into a drug addict, they chose to take drugs and I would look at them smug too!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/09/2022 20:04

I don't think you are awful but I do think it's sad that you seem a bit hung up on it still and she probably doesn't even care how good a runner she is, so it's wasted energy/thinking on your part. Don't most people do parkrun to try and get fit rather than get a decent time etc? I do think you just need to let it go. This person was a total bitch at school by the sound of it. She may well still be like that, but perhaps that's not the case and she really regrets the way she was and is ashamed of it?

I do feel sad that you didn't have any close friends in school and describe the people you hung round in as misfits who didn't have anybody else. It's sad that you couldn't find any qualities in them to appreciate. I was one of the quiet nerdy ones in a group of similar. I am in touch on FB with most but that's all - life has got in the way of doing anything in person all these years later, but I bet if we happened to meet up we'd be genuinely pleased to see each other.

lljkk · 28/09/2022 20:05

But ParkRun isn't competitive. No one else cares how fast you did or didn't finish. Oh no. Not competitive at all.

surreygirl1987 · 28/09/2022 20:05

Be smug... enjoy!

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 20:05

Hibye23289 · 28/09/2022 20:01

@ChezFelix I think when you are put through such an awful time at school which never leaves you then no I wouldn't give a shit about a bully turning into a drug addict, they chose to take drugs and I would look at them smug too!

@Hibye23289

I wrote on the first page about being properly and badly bullied by a girl who ended up having a really sad life. It didn't make me happy. It was kind of sad.

And nobody is asking anyone to "give a shit" about a drug addict, but maybe they could just refrain from yelling "look at the state of you" and then texting all their mates to tell them that Shirley who was a dick to me at school is now addicted to heroin and looks terrible. There is something in between "giving a shit" and doing that don't you think?

ChicagoCubsFan · 28/09/2022 20:05

tranquiltortoise · 28/09/2022 19:59

You are not really any better than her if you are taking pleasure in her lesser status - exactly as she did to you all those years ago.

Except OP is being perfectly polite and isn’t being unpleasant to this woman at all.... but yeah, it’s exactly the same other than that. 😂

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 28/09/2022 20:07

Some complete arseholes on here again tonight.

Well done for what you've achieved OP, I'm pleased for you.

And to the arseholes, OP hasn't wished bad things on the bully, she feels smug because of what she's achieved despite bullies telling her she couldn't. And so she should 👊

pictish · 28/09/2022 20:08

Ahhh god you naysayers are morally correct and everything but come on, give the woman her quiet moment of ha fuck you.

mistermagpie · 28/09/2022 20:09

tranquiltortoise · 28/09/2022 19:59

You are not really any better than her if you are taking pleasure in her lesser status - exactly as she did to you all those years ago.

Kind of this, I'm afraid.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this wrong but all you seem to know about her now is that she's a slow runner and is new to parkrun. Is that right? And you are basing some sort of victory on that? She might be a millionaire or have a fabulous and meaningful job or dozens of adorable children and pets, but you think you are better than her because she isn't as fast and doesn't know many people at parkrun. It's gray that you are happy and successful but you don't know that she isn't either.

Hopefully she's not still a bully and I know how horrific it is to be bullied, but I'd say you should focus on moving on from thinking about her at all now. What's it giving you?

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 28/09/2022 20:09

RealBecca · 28/09/2022 20:00

So you're pleased shes a slow runner at something she has just started? 🤨

She was a child when she was an arsehole. Perhaps you can reflect that she might have had something going on and treat her with the compassion you would treat a child with.

Really? OP was a child too, the bully didn't treat her with compassion, what's to say OP didn't have 'something going on' when she was being bullied

Nameless3 · 28/09/2022 20:10

She can have her quiet moments of fuck you. But I doubt the school tormentor is thinking that the OP has made it in life because she can run a bit faster than her.

Bpdqueen · 28/09/2022 20:11

The fact that you still care 30 years later just shows she won. Teenagers can be cruel especially girls but your both now in your 40s time to move on

Bollindger · 28/09/2022 20:11

Lapping her must be very cathartic , and since no one else knows please enjoy the release of such long held upset, Blessings in your next run.

ChezFelix · 28/09/2022 20:11

pictish · 28/09/2022 20:08

Ahhh god you naysayers are morally correct and everything but come on, give the woman her quiet moment of ha fuck you.

I would if there was something to celebrate...but is this seriously because she is a faster runner than the other woman? Or is it because op thinks something more serious has gone wrong with her life? Cannot work it out. The second, as someone said to me on page one "nobody would feel smug about"...so this is really about "I can run faster than you"? Or is it?

I have never found a post and its responses more baffling.

But then, I'm not a runner. Is this a runner thing? Do people really think about this sort of thing at parkrun? So many questions!