To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

[Explaintome]

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

Bet you regret posting now OP.
Jazz hands for Mumsnet.

Well done to you doing so well! No wonder you feel good about your success.

It is, I believe, known as karma. Or parkrun schadenfreude. Or something. Either way I’d enjoy overtaking her whilst running backwards and giving her a cheery wave as I passed.

You do understand that kids often make fun of others when they are feeling vulnerable themselves, don't you? As a kid she probably saw something in you that she was jealous of. She probably had insecurities and (wrongly) it made her feel better to put you down. You see it a lot in girls who are very very pretty. The other girls become jealous and find anything to put the pretty one down. There are threads on here about it. It's all fucked up. No-one should be putting someone else down to make themselves feel better. But equally no-one who is an adult should observe someone and inwardly put them down. You don't know the reasons until the you know the person.

I’m pleased for you Op. I recently joined a Facebook group for my school year group and I was gutted to think the cowbag who called me an ‘ugly bitch’ looks amazing at 50 and lives in a massive house.

Its a fairly common phenomenon OP. Revenge of the Nerds.
Stands to reason that the students who worked hard and were academically able are most likely the ones with the best jobs, and consequently a better lifestyle than the ones who messed about, played up and bullied other people.
But, yes, it's bit U to be still seeing this woman as the child she was 30 years ago, and as someone who knows what it's like to be on the fringes, a bit U to be happy someone else is in that position. But, school experiences cut deep so I can understand it.

Omg parkrun schadenfreude. Yes! Genius.

It's a whole new world to me. I'll never look at park runners the same way

TBH I don’t think you sound hugely hung up on this at all, I think you’re right to be proud of what you’ve achieved!

My school bully lives in Wandsworth so not massively far from me (funny because we didn’t grow up in London) and I hope never to bump into her. She added me on LinkedIn — if she thinks about me at all I hope she sees that I have come a long way since we were 11 but I’ve no interest in engaging. It’s another life

I never knew parkrun was so competitive and cliquey. I'll give it a miss if that's the case.

Revenge of the Nerds.

I wouldn't use that film to bolster the idea that nerds are superior. The makers unwittingly demonstrated how nerds can be just as big shits as popular kids, maybe even worse because they think they have permanent victim status and therefore can't be wrong. Honestly, it's a shitshow of a film. Even at the time people hated it.

Definitely nothing wrong with your attitude OP. If it were me I'd think about 'accidentally' tripping her up as well 🤣

@ChezFelix I didn't read the full thread so disn't see your comment. I had a hard time at school too almost 20 years ago and if I seen the girls now I would go back to being that 14 year old who felt so bad that's why I couldn't care what happens to them BUT you do sound like a good person and it says alot about you on how you would feel towards them so good for you on not letting it make you feel hateful feelings and I am genuinely being nice, sorry you went through that too.

It’s not just about the running though is it?

It’s about her former bully seeing that she is no longer being excluded and tormented, she has friends and is enjoying her life.

Good for you OP.

Oh stop with the faux confusion, OP is happy with her life and her achievements, stop being baffled and pissing on her chips

I wasn’t particularly effected by the mean kids at school but there were plenty of them. Met one on a night out as adults and they seemed nice so we got chatting and I assumed they were over their childish mean behaviour. I was wrong as they got drunk they started at act like a knob. Lesson learned.

It's genuine confusion... 🤣

I thanked my bully,they were just growing up, trying to find their way and actually it gave me an inner strength that has stayed with me, even through some very bad and testing times.

Obviously my bullying was not as severe as some but it was pretty bad and sustained, even writing that makes me feel empowered

dick move alert.

Oh ffs, get over yourself. The OP’s secret satisfaction is harming neither her former bully nor anyone else. She’s not even wishing harm on this woman. She is literally just allowing herself to feel smug at being able to show someone who was a complete shit to her that she’s thriving.

Also, can we stop labelling troubled kids as being likely to bully people? In my experience they’re no more likely to be nasty bastards than anyone else. Plenty of troubled kids are the victims of bullying, rather than the bullies.

OP, absolutely YANBU and anyone who says they wouldn’t feel exactly the way you do is a giant holier-than-thou fibber.

I saw one of the racist arseholes who made my life a misery at school over 30 years ago when I returned to my home town a couple of years ago. She looked really awful and was pushing her grandchildren in a buggy.

She was the worst of the lot, I know how you feel.

You’d be awful if you were outwardly judging or excluding her, but you’re not. Feeling as you do in the privacy of your own brain sounds normal and human to me. I think you’re fine.

Well I'm pleased for you op. Well done on overcoming being bullied.
We have so many threads about children being bullied and if anyone say's that the bully may have issues at home that is usually shouted down as being no excuse.
It's not the bullied child's responsibility to put up with another child's issues.
It's down to the adults to sort it.

Karma's a bitch 😁just carry on ignoring her, you don't need any more of her shit.

Well yes, it’s partially a runner thing. Funnily enough, running is a competitive pastime for many. The element of getting faster and fitter is a buzz. Fwiw I understand where the OP is coming from. I used to be very overweight and unfit. I sorted my diet out, took up running and am now slim and fit. You bet I’m proud (or smug, however you want to look at it) of that.
I had a shit time at school too…if I found myself in OP’s position I’d feel the same and I’m 47 now. It never leaves you.

you must have lived a very sheltered life@ChezFelix . this post has obviously got nothing what so ever about park run, but it more about the achievements the OP has made in her life versus her childhood bully. How you can't see that absolutely astounds me. The stars were not bright the night you were born, that's for sure.